I Don't Want to Miss a Thing
by Kedda
Summary: A non-standard version of a standard Addek plot.
1. Chapter 1

So. You know me. I think I'll never write again and then 10 minutes later I have a new idea. Then I try to put the idea out of my head, but it won't go. My plot-bunnies are stubborn bitches.

So. The thing about this fic is it's a plot-line that I've noticed a lot of people doing, but I'm trying to do it in a different way. For about a day and a half (yesterday and the day before to be exact) I was going to write it from Meredith's POV, but there were a lot of logistical issues plus everyone I ran that idea by hated it. So. We have this. And this is the third first chapter I've written. The first first chapter is now the second chapter.

Enjoy please.

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"Where'th Daddy?"

"He's very busy. You'll see him tomorrow."

"Ith he going to pway with me?"

"I think he might. Did you bring things to play with?"

"I got bookth and my bathball-th an' da farm wif da horth and cow-th," he lisped excited.

"Did you bring your boat?"

"Ith not a boat, Mummy. Ith a ferry."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Boat-th ith not the thame ath ferryth. Ferryth da carth go on and the ferry thwims them acroth the water."

"The ferry swims the cars across the water?" She smiled at her son's urgent description.

"Yeth."

"Daddy likes ferry's too."

'I knowth. Weth gonna taketh my ferryth boath an weth gonna thwim itth in the wather and maketh it go backth and forth the whooole othean."

"Slow down when you talk honey," she instructed, "And there aren't any oceans in Seattle. Remember? I showed you on the map?"

"No beach?" he asked, carefully forming his words.

"No. The ferries don't swim –– sail –– the ferries don't sail at the beach. Remember how we talked about how LA doesn't have ferries? They need a harbour so they can go from one side to the other." She turned her son towards the window of the town car that was escorting them to their hotel, "See? That's the ferry boat there."

"Can we go now? Please," he asked being especially careful with his 'please' as he often got caught on the 's' at the end.

"Don't you want to wait? Daddy will probably want to take you on the ferry tomorrow."

"I can go again tomowo."

"He might get mad at me for taking you without him. He really likes ferry boats."

"I won'th tell Mummy. I won'th. I'll pretend dat I nevers been on the ferry before. Pleeeeeeathe."

She laughed, "Okay. But you better not tell your Daddy what we did. It's going to be our secret okay?"

"I pomith."

"What's that."

"PRRR-O-MI-S-E."

"Good job. Promise is a hard one." She leaned over the front of the seat and asked the driver to make a detour to one of the ferry routes.

"Mummy?"

"Ya, honey?"

"Doth Daddy rweally like boats like me?"

"He does. He even has a hat with ferry boats on it. And he likes to go fishing."

"Fitheth?"

"Fish is still a tough one for you huh? He catches fish. with a fishing rod."

"Howth? Howth doeth he do that Mummy?"

"Think about your words honey. He has a fishing rod, it's like a big stick and he holds one end and at the other end there is a string. And the string goes down in to the water and the fishies nibble," she paused to tickle him under the chin as she repeated the word nibble, "at the end of the string and then Daddy pulls them out of the water."

"Then what?"

"Then he eats them," she wrinkled her nose.

"He killth the fitheth?" he asked horrified.

"Uhuh. And then he cooks them, then he gobbles them up!"

"Oh," he sat in silence as the car drove onto the ferry. He watched the process carefully and strained against his booster seat to see better.

"Do you want to get out and walk on the deck?"

"Ith that what Daddy doeth?"

"Yeah. Usually. He likes to get coffee and watch the water."

"Then thatth what I wanth to do."

She reached over to unbuckle him, "We can get Choco."

"Yeth!" He hopped out of the car and bounced on the balls of his feet while he waited for his mother to catch up. "Will Daddy take me fithethin'?"

"You want to go fishing?"

"With Daddy," he affirmed.

"Well, not this trip. Maybe when you're older."

"I'm gonna like fithethin'"

"You're going to like fishing?"

"Yeth. Cauth Daddy liketh fithethin' and I'm juth like Daddy."

She laughed, "Yes, you are."

"I hath hairth like Daddy. An I hath eyeth like Daddy. And Ith demandinatin' like Daddy. And I'm smartth like Daddy too."

"No. You are smart like me. You are stubborn like Daddy."

"N'ant Noni said Ith thmart like Daddy."

"Aunt Naomi is wrong."

"Up? I wanth to thee the ferry thwimmin'."

She picked him up and wrapped his legs around her waist, "Are you cold?" She tugged at the zipper of his miniature leather jacket and pulled the collar of his blue plaid button up shirt higher against his neck.

"I wanth to thee da boatth thwimmin'."

"Honey, boats don't swim. They sail and they float."

"Day lookth like theyth thwimmin' to me."

She laughed. "Do you want to look through the view finder? You can tell me when we are getting close to the other side."

"What abouth my Coco?"

"We'll get some on the way back."

"We go again," he's eye's widened.

"We have to get back to the side with our hotel silly," she kissed his forehead and dug a quarter out of her pocket to pay for the view finder. She held him tighter and watched the expressions of amazement on his face, first as he fought with getting the quarter into it's slot and moments later as the picture on the view finder came into focus.

"Addison?"

Addison's heart sank into the toes of her $1000 boots. She'd know that voice anywhere. It haunted her. She turned around anyway.

"Meredith."

Meredith stared straight at Addison's son wrapped protectively in her arms. "Is my husband his father?"

"It's not––"

"Is Derek his father?"

"Yes."

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Do you guys like when I bribe you? 'Cause I had a pretty awesome supper and I'll give you leftovers if you review. On the menu: roasted sweet potato's with cinnamon, mexican rice and green beans.

So review and get a free meal.


	2. Chapter 2

So. If you know me, and after all these years quite a few of you do (and I'd like to meet the rest of you, I'm very chatty), you know that my method of writing involves a lot of flailing, then I'll sit down and writing the whole thing, hate it, flail, whine and either leave it as it was or completely rewrite it.

This time I rewrote.

That's my excuse for why this took so long.

This is a short chapter, but I like to think it packs a certain punch.

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The house was quiet, dark and motionless. Later, when he thinks back on this night he will tell himself that he knew the second he walked in the front door that something wasn't right. But, at that moment, when he stepped over the threshold with a bounce in his step, he had no idea what was in store for him.

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"I'm only home for half an hour," Derek called to the back of the house where he could see a faint light coming from the kitchen.

He didn't notice that he got no reply. He bound up the stairs and stripped off the trousers and pullover sweater he'd worn to the hospital and pulled on a pair of jeans and a button up shirt. He turned back at the last minute and grabbed his discarded clothing and tossed them into the hamper.

"Meredith?" He called as he rushed back down the stairs, "Is there any of that meatloaf leftover?"

Still he got no response. And still he didn't notice.

"Hey," he greeted her as he entered the kitchen, "What's that?"

"Your travel expenses."

"Why?"

"Did you know that last year you made 46 trips to L.A.?"

"We talked about this," Derek opened the fridge to see if maybe she'd saved some supper for him.

"I didn't eat," Meredith flipped through the papers and dragged her finger down a list of numbers she'd written jotted down, "You spent 88 night's there."

"3 days a month doesn't give me adequate time to spend with my students, Meredith," Derek turned to her, puzzled. Then it dawned on him, "Do you think it's time?"

"88 nights this year. 72 last year. 69 the year before that," she taped her fingers against the paper, "Only 15 the first year, but there were 8 trips in 3 months back when you were interviewing and just meeting with people."

Derek grinned, "You think it's time we moved to L.A.?" He sat down across from her and reached for her hands, pressing them between his own.

She glanced at him, then carefully extracted her hand.

"That's 124 night's over the past 3 years that have been paid for from our joint account."

"And the room is almost three hundred dollars a night," Derek leaned forward to look at her rows of numbers.

"It's almost thirty-seven thousand dollars," Meredith agreed, "A third of which is mine."

"I didn't want to say anything," Derek moved his chair around the round table to sit closer to her, "But, I've been looking at some houses when I've been down there, just looking at areas, there's some beautiful houses by the beach, condo's close to the university, townhouses downtown. If you want a house there are some suburbs nearby that we can look at. Why don't we both take a trip down in a few weeks, we can find a realtor and look at some places."

"Maybe Addison knows one," Meredith remarked dryly, her eyes becoming hard.

"She might," Derek tried to push away the hardening pit in his stomach. He was starting to feel uneasy. He was already slightly on edge, he knew she was in town. She'd called him a few days ago to tell him she was going to be there –– he was suppose to meet her at her hotel in 20 minutes. Ever since Addison's flight had landed, 3 hours ago, he'd been tracing Meredith's movements in the back of his mind, the chances of them running into each other were slim, but it didn't keep him from worrying. "Actually, I could give Naomi a call in the morning, I think she's the one that found Addison her house, she might have some contacts."

Meredith stared hard at him, "Or we could just call Addison. She's in town."

"Is she?" Derek hedged. Part of him now knew what Meredith was up to –– and it wasn't house hunting –– but part of him still held out hope that perhaps Meredith had just heard through the grapevine that Addison was in town preforming a procedure and was simply gauging his knowledge on the subject. "Yeah, you know, now that you mention it, I did hear that she was going to be in town."

"I saw her on the ferry."

"Oh?"

"You have a son."

Derek couldn't tear his eyes away from her. His mind was racing so fast that he couldn't actually process the separate thoughts.

"I need you to say it." She looked at him, he could see her heart breaking as the words left her lips.

He couldn't speak. He could only watch her eyes fill with tears that she wouldn't let fall. He watched her shake her head and her eyes silently pleaded with him to speak up and deny it. But he couldn't do it. He couldn't open his mouth and utter the words that would end their marriage; no matter what he said, it would destroy them.

Meredith looked away from him, running her fingers through her hair. Her breathing was ragged and her eyes had lost their squint as any narrowing would squeeze the tears out.

"Meredith…" All he could think of saying was her name; anything that would keep her with him. She couldn't leave if he was saying her name calling her back, "Mer––"

"Is it not what I think?" she asked, a touch of innocence seeping into her tone, "I keep looking for ways that it could be not what I think, but I keep coming back to the fact that you had an affair. You spent tens of thousands of our money, money that is partly mine, to screw her."

"No," his voice was suddenly forceful, "I don't know what Addison said to you––"

"Just say it Derek! Please. Because I'm starting to think that you made up this whole teaching thing just to be close to her. And your… son. God. Derek. You have a child with her."

"No! Meredith!" He grabbed her hands, squeezing them tight, "It's not my kid! I don't know what Addison said to you. But I swear Meredith, I promise, he's not mine. I could never cheat on you. I love you, Mer. It's not my kid."

"But," she softened, he was her husband and she wanted more then anything to believe him, "She said he was yours. He looks just like you."

Derek looked down at his hands. "I don't know. I don't know. Maybe she met someone that looks like me and so her kid looks like me. I don't know Meredith. But, he's not mine."

"Maybe," Meredith grasped, "You didn't know? He's what, 4? That was before we got married. Maybe you just ––" she didn't want to say it, "Once, and she never told you?"

"Meredith, I promise you, I didn't sleep with Addison."

"But all the trips––"

"I'm teaching. I'm teaching graduate classes. I've maybe seen Addison twice since I started. She's never mentioned a kid. I've never seen her with a baby."

Meredith stared at him a long moment, then stood and left the kitchen.

Derek rested his elbows on the table and rested his forehead against his palms and sighed. He knew how it looked to her. And if the situation was reverse he'd know he'd have doubts. But, he had to convince her. He couldn't loose his wife. He pushed his chair back, the legs scraping against the wood floor, and trudged up the stairs to their bedroom where he knew she'd be.

She was crying.

"I'm sorry," he apologized.

"I… I want to believe you," she looked up at him from where she was seated at the edge of the bed, "But she has no reason to lie to me, Derek. He's your son."

"Meredith. He's not. I promise you, it's just impossible."

"You're lying to me. Just –– I can handle it. Just, tell me the truth. I can handle it. Please. Derek. _Please_."

Derek hesitated. Did she want a lie or did she want the truth? "It was just once. Before we got married."

Her eyes widened.

He started to pace across the floor, avoiding her eye and staring intently at the carpet, "I went to a thing at Sam's, it was Naomi's birthday, and I had a few drinks because I was uncomfortable being there. I was tired and stressed, we'd just booked out honeymoon and Richard had just retired and I was overworked and UCLA had just offered me this position and I had no idea what that meant for us, if we'd have to move or if you'd even want me to take it… And, Addison was there, and one thing led to another."

"You slept with her."

"I woke up the next morning at her house, she was gone. We've never talked about it. I haven't seen her since," he turned to stare at her, "I didn't know she had a baby. If he's mine she never told me." He cautiously crossed the room and sat down beside her at the edge of the bed.

She stood and stared pacing. She wiped a few angry tears from the corners of her eyes. "You have a son."

"Addison has a son. I just happen to be his father. Maybe" He watched her. Her expression was unreadable. He began making plan in his head. He'd give her tonight. He'd suggest she take a long bath, he'd bring her a glass of wine. Then tomorrow he'd talk to her. Maybe she'd agree to sit down with Addison. This could work. He just needed a plan. "I love you. My life is with you. I don't even… If I do have a son, if that is my child, I'd want to know him. But, you are my life. You come first." Meredith turned back to him and dropped her hands to her sides determinedly. Derek looked at her expectantly and smiled cautiously.

"I want a divorce."

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Derek hesitantly raised his fist and knocked on the door. It opened almost immediately and Addison stood before him. Her hair was disheveled and she was wearing her pajama's and holding a glass of wine.

"I'm sorry," she apologized immediately and stepped away from the door to let him into her hotel room.

He paused in the entry way and let his eyes adjust to the dimly lit room, the only light was coming from the TV which was turned to the TV guide channel. There were two beds in the room, one still pristinely made up, not even wrinkled, but the other was rumpled. A small foot stuck out from under the covers and a small dark curly head rested on the pillow. Derek crossed the room and stood above the bed, staring down at the sleeping boy, before sitting on the edge of the bed and gently resting his hand on his back.

The little boys eyelashes fluttered then opened slightly. "Daddy?"

"Hey, Christopher. You don't have to wake up, I just wanted to say 'goodnight'."

"Canth we goeth fithithin'?"

Derek chuckled and bent over to kiss his forehead, "I don't know what you just said. Go back to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

Christopher obediently closed his eyes and his breathing immediately deepened as he fell back asleep.

Derek rubbed his back a moment, "I love you, Son."

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Did ya like it?

I want lots of reviews for this chapter ('cause OMG you guys rocked with the reviews on the last one. Where you all on some sort of Addek crack? It was awesome). But my basic plan for the weekend is to lay on my deck and tan and finish 'Gone with the Wind' and read reviews. So you guys need to do your part and send reviews so that I don't get fed up with Scarlett (it happens).

So review. Make comments. Ask questions. Engage me in dialog.

REVIEW!


	3. Chapter 3

Alright. You hate me. I understand. I suck at updating. But, you know, I have a lot on my plate. I have no social life. I have no money. I have a job that I hate and a supervisor that likes to make awkward and inappropriate conversation. And I have jello. It's hard to eat Jello and write.

I really have no excuse do I…

Basically, I write to make Kitten happy. And she was not happy when I didn't have anything for her to review. So I wrote. For Kitten.

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Addison awoke slowly. Her son's face nestled against her chest, his breathing strong and steady. She pulled him closer and kissed the top of his head before letting her eyes drift open.

Derek was sitting up on the bed opposite her, his back flush against the headboard. He's shed his trousers and button up shirt and was left in his boxers, t-shirt and white gym socks.

"What happened?" Addison rubbed some of the sleep out of her eyes and rolled more on to her side so she could see him better.

"Morning," he barely glanced over at her.

"What did she say?" Addison pushed. They hadn't spoken the night before, she'd let him in the room and he'd spoken to Christopher, but he hadn't been in the mood to talk to her –– he'd been in the mood to drink the scotch from her mini-bar and watch The Weather Channel. So she'd crawled in bed with Christopher and left it up to Derek what he was going to do.

"It'll be fine," Derek shrugged. His eyes were trained on the wall across from him and he seemed to be doubting his own words.

Addison propped herself up on her elbow, "How'd she take it?"

"She wants a divorce," he spoke slowly, "But, it will be fine. She's just upset. It's going to be okay."

Addison bit her lip. She didn't want to say it, but at the same time it seemed like it was pretty much saying itself, and she wanted the satisfaction of saying it outloud. "I told so. Derek, I told you. I told you. You should have just told her."

Derek glared at her out of the corner of his eye. "If I'd told her, we wouldn't have Christopher. You don't understand what she was like back then."

"You never give your wives any credit." She rolled away onto her back just as Christopher began to stir.

He cuddled towards his mother a little bit, his blanket clutched in his hand and half covering his face. Then his eyes flashed open like it was Christmas morning, "Daddy!" He squirmed from the bed, his feet barely touching the floor before he jumped onto Derek's bed and launched himself into his father's side.

"Morning," Derek greeted him, his face instantly brightened as it always did when he was around his son, "Did you sleep well?"

Christopher yawned, "Can weeth goth fithithin'?"

Derek laughed, "What are you trying to say Christopher?"

"Fith-ith-in."

"Shep," Addison rolled her eyes and propped her head back up on her hand, "Come back here," she curled her finger at him to beckon him over and sat up as he stood on the edge of Derek's bed, jumped to the floor, then climbed back into Addison's bed and in to her lap. "I know it's hard when you first wake up, because you are tired, and I know that you have a whole lot of things that you want to tell Daddy, but you need to take your time when you talk. Mommy understands what you are saying, but not everyone does, even Daddy has trouble sometimes when you don't take your time and you lisp. You remember what Tasha said? You don't have to talk perfectly, but you have to try your best. Okay?"

"'kay."

"Alright. Gimme a kiss," Addison leaned down and Christopher kissed her cheek and leaned back against her chest.

"Fishing?" Derek asked from the other bed, having finally deciphered 'Shep-talk'. "You want to go fishing?"

"When he's older," Addison broke in before Derek could promise something outlandish –– which he often did. "Maybe today you can just hang out at the hotel? At the pool maybe?" She tried to entice her son, "There is a waterslide." She glanced over at Derek, "Or I can take him with me and leave him in the daycare, if you need to talk with Meredith."

"Nah," Derek stretched, "I'll talk to Meredith this afternoon. Waterslide's sound more fun. Right Christopher?"

"Go brush your teeth," Addison broke in and instructed, "I'll pick you out some clothes and then we can go downstairs and eat breakfast."

"I has ta get dressed?"

"Yes."

"Are you gonna gets dressed too?"

"Yes."

"But I's hungry nooow."

Derek burst out laughing.

"I'll be quick," Addison promised, glaring at Derek.

"Mummy. I's hungry nooooooow. You takes to looooong."

Addison rolled her eyes, but there was no real point in denying it. "There is cereal in my blue bag." She released Christopher from her arms and watched him scamper towards their luggage, "No. The blue bag. He has your sense of colour," Addison informed Derek. Self-consciously she pushed the strap of her pajama's back on to her shoulder from where it had slid halfway down her arm. She'd been noticing Derek staring.

"What's for breakfast?" Derek asked as Christopher climbed back onto his bed. Christopher sat beside Derek and stuck his legs out straight in front of him like his father.

"I don't liketh this kind," Christopher sighed and handed Derek one of two identical mini boxes of cereal, "Mummy never buyth the good onesth. Hazel's Mummy buyth her purple thereal."

"You can say Hazel but not cereal?" Addison asked with a raised eyebrow. She threw her legs over the leg of the bed and slowly stood, "Think you can be ready before me?" She challenged the men in her life.

Derek and Christopher glanced at each other, identical exasperated looks on their face.

"Fine," Addison leaned across the bed to kiss the top of Christopher's head, "Daddy can get you dressed and you guys will both be ready before me and then Daddy can buy us breakfast."

Christopher started to look doubtful.

Addison smiled sweetly and grabbed her luggage, dragging it into the bathroom after her, "See you soon."

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Meredith pushed a thick lock of sweaty hair off her forehead and bent at the waist to press her palms against her knees. She breathed heavily and closed her eyes until her lungs stopped burning enough for her to take a drink of water.

She hadn't really slept.

She regretted asking for the divorce.

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Addison emerged 35 minutes later –– showered, hair done, make up applied and immaculately dressed –– to see Derek kneeling on the floor in front of the bed carefully tying Christopher's tiny yellow work boots.

Christopher immediately jumped from the bed.

"Ready?" Addison asked as he rushed towards her.

"I has ta peee!"

Derek and Addison chuckled as Christopher scampered into the bathroom and slammed the door.

"Are you sure you want to take him for the morning?" Addison asked as she picked up her purse.

"No problem."

Addison toyed with the strap of her purse pensively then dropped it abruptly, "Shouldn't you be talking to Meredith?"

"She's working this morning and I don't want to get into this at the hospital. I'll talk to her when she gets home this afternoon. It'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Bekfast!" Christopher bounced back into the main room.

"Did you wash your hands?" Addison asked, already pointing his way back to the bathroom.

"Mummyyyy."

"Go."

"I can take him to the daycare," Addison offered as the water in the bathroom turned on.

"Like hell. I'm taking my son," Derek's brow furrowed, "We're going swimming then to the Space Needle."

"But Meredith––"

"Meredith is working this morning, but just until 3. I'll have Christopher back to you by 2."

Addison sighed and shook her head, "Fine. If that's what you want to do." She turned her back on him and rapped sharply on the door to the bathroom, "Shep? Let's go."

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What she realized as she ran was that she could forgive him.

It was Addison that was the liar. It was Addison that kept Derek from knowing his son, and Addison that kept Meredith from knowing her step-son.

She'd had doubts in those months leading up to their wedding. She'd spent so many nights at Joe's bar, drinking and having fun with her friends, when she'd thought about doing exactly what Derek had done. It would have been so easy to go out and have one last fling.

But she could forgive him for that one indiscretion. Yes, it resulted in a child, but they had a strong marriage. And this didn't change what they had. It didn't change the last three years.

What happened that night, it was a whole lifetime ago.

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Derek stared out at the city stretched out below him. Christopher was nearby listening to a guide tell him and a group of other children all about the Space Needle, but Derek was to distracted by his own thoughts to do more then keep track of his son's whereabouts.

Then his phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hi."

"Meredith," Derek breathed a sigh of relief.

"I think we should talk."

"We should," Derek agreed. He'd spent the night thinking and now that he wasn't on the spot he knew what he needed to tell her. "I'll pick you up at the hospital when you're done."

"I didn't go in today."

"Oh."

"I've been thinking."

Derek could picture her on the other end of the phone, curled into a kitchen chair, twirling her hair nervously around her fingers because she wasn't sure what to do with her hands. "Me too," he said finally, filling the silence.

"Where are you?"

Derek glanced at his watch. "I'm downtown. I can be home in an hour."

"No. I'll meet you."

"_Carla's_ at 2:30?" Derek asked with a smile. It was the first place he'd ever taken her. Before Addison. They'd had breakfast together before work.

"Okay," she agreed. She disconnected without another word.

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"An' I's gonna take the bus an' we are gonna pway games and make pit'tures and me an' Hazel is gonna has lunch togethers at Mummy's office, an' den me an' Hazel are gonna goes to Tanet's until Mummy is dones at works. Tanet has free dods an' a wath-bit."

"Run that by me again?" He asked with a laugh. Derek squeezed Christopher's ankles affectionately and insured once again that the boy was secure on his perch on Derek's shoulders.

"Ja-ann-et," Christopher pronounced slowly and carefully, "Has tr-ee –– three –– dogs and a wabbit –– rabbit."

"Good job," Derek praised him, "Janet is your baby sitter?"

"Yeth. Can we go-th to the top-th again?"

"We have to meet your mom in a few minutes."

"Are you comin' wif us?"

"No. I have some things that I have to do this afternoon. But I'll see you before you go to bed."

"You's read my th-troy?"

"I'll read you your story before bed."

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Meredith was never sure what made her decide to cut across the park on her way to meet her husband. Meredith would never know what Derek was going to say to her when she met him at the cafe because she never did go.

She spent all morning and the early afternoon walking and running around Seattle. 3 times she stopped for new bottles of water. At noon she found a deli and spent 35 minutes picking at a salad and a bowl of strawberries and other mixed berries. She covered a lot of ground, but never worked up the nerve to go back to her house. Their house.

That is why she saw them.

At first she didn't believe that the man she saw was her husband. Her husband that always seemed as if his attention was on something else until his eyes snapped towards her and she realized he was listening all along. Her husband who doesn't like Seattle's Tourist attractions, who prefers nature in it's more simplest forms and thinks that parks in the middle of the city are a waste unless you are in New York and have no alternatives. Her husband who throughout their 3 years of marriage has never broached the subject of children.

But there, walking through the park, Meredith spotted her husband exiting the Space Needle with his son sitting on his shoulders. The son that, less then 18 hours prior, Derek had denied having any knowledge of. She was frozen in place as she watched father and son interact as if they'd known each other for the little boy's entire life –– in that instant she realized they had.

Derek swung the boy from his shoulders and they walked side-by-side for a moment before the boy reached up and took his fathers hand as he chatted happily.

The park was crowded. No one noticed Meredith standing there.

Derek and his son stopped walking and stood on the grass a moment. The little boy was bouncing up and down and looking from his father to someone walking towards him. Addison was laughing and smiling by the time she reached them, leaning over to half hug her son as he wrapped himself around her legs.

Meredith watched Addison nod at Derek then check her watch. Meredith watched her husband swing his son over his shoulder, making him scream with laughter, before setting him upright on the grass again. Meredith watched him kiss Addison on the cheek and watch his son and ex-wife walk down the cobbled path of the park, their arms swinging happily between them. Meredith watched her husband head off in the opposite direction –– towards the cafe where she was suppose to meet him.

In those 3 minutes, standing alone in the middle of a park, Meredith realized that everything her husband told her the night before, and possible everything he'd told her their entire marriage, were lies. All the things that she reminded herself of while she ran and all the things she told herself as she decided that she didn't want her marriage to end, were lies.

And Meredith wanted the truth.

And so she followed.

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"We ates ithe cream an' Daddy bouth me a book an' the resthurant thpun round and round."

"Try that again, please," Addison requested as she closed the curtains and got the room ready for Christopher's nap.

"Daddy bought me a book," Christopher repeated with an eye roll "An' we got ithe cream, and the reth-tur –– reth-tur … the ithe cream place thpinned," He looked at his mother seriously, "I'm four."

"You are four," Addison agreed, "And you know how to say most of these words perfectly well."

"Do I have to take a nap?" Christopher asked, already in bed with his blanket and stuffed sheep tucked under his arm. He'd already yawned twice.

"You don't have to. But if you do you can stay up later with Daddy."

"I don't need a nap," Christopher decided.

"Okay," Addison agreed. She flipped on the TV, "You can watch Oprah with me." 7 minutes later Christopher was fast asleep. He didn't even wake up when there was a loud knock at the door. Addison yawned and stretched as she went to open the door, she needed a nap too. "Meredith?"

"Derek knew didn't he."

Addison glanced worriedly over her shoulder, but Christopher was fast asleep and didn't even stir. "Of course he knew."

Meredith looked away and shook her head.

"He said he didn't?" Addison voice was suddenly hard and cold.

"Did you think I knew?"

"No, I knew you didn't, but did he deny knowing?"

Meredith didn't reply right away. "Can I come in? Can someone –– can Derek –– take him for awhile?"

Addison hesitated, "Sure."

10 awkward minutes later Derek knocked on the door to Addison's room and stepped inside. Meredith and Addison were sitting at a small table by the window and Christopher was fast asleep in the bed. If Derek had known that Meredith was actually inside the room he wouldn't have let himself into the room with his key.

"Meredith––"

"You lied to me," she accused outright.

Addison glared at him, "Take Shep. I'll pick him up in an hour. We're flying home tonight."

"What about your patient?" Derek asked meekly.

"She can come to me." Addison ended the conversation by looking pointedly at Derek and then at Christopher.

"Meredith––" Derek began again.

"You _lied_ to me."

"Get out Derek," Addison instructed.

"I just need to tell you––"

"You had your chance last night," Addison spat, "Now it's my turn. Get out."

"You said––"

"I said '_get out'. _Take the baby and say good bye. If you can't even tell your _wife –– if you are going to deny your SON –– _then I'm not going to stick around for a week so you can play Daddy at your convenience. _Get. Out." _

Seeing no alternative, Derek picked up his sleeping son, and left.

Addison and Meredith were silent a long time.

"Was it really only one time?" Meredith asked, "Or was it a thing?"

Addison's brow furrowed in confusion, "A thing?"

"Was he just going to LA to see his son, or was he going to see you?" Meredith looked as if she could be sick at any second.

"'Was it really only one time'?" Addison repeated Meredith's earlier words, "Meredith, that's not what happened at all. Meredith, he just –– changed his mind."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So. This was a chapter for Kitten in which Meredith did not fall down a well. Sorry. I love you?

Everyone should review.

I'm thinking that the next chapter needs some flashbacks to help out with the Addison/Meredith conversation. Cause we all know that's going to be fun.

Review.


	4. Chapter 4

Addison and Meredith sat awkwardly at the small table by the window of Addison's hotel room.

"Did Derek spend the night here?" Meredith asked finally.

"Yes," Addison replied, "But not –– I slept with Shep. We didn't –– we don't… do that." She concluded lamely.

"Anymore."

"Meredith," Addison exclaimed in exasperation, "It was never like that. _Ever_."

"You didn't seduce my husband months before my wedding and lure him into bed?" Meredith rolled her eyes, "I know you wanted a baby. It's not something I'm likely to forget."

"Do you want to know the truth or not, Meredith? Because it honestly makes no difference to me what you believe."

"You slept with my husband. You had his child. He lied to me about it. What else do I need to know?"

"No!" Addison was quickly becoming overwhelmingly frustrated with the conversation, "No! It is exactly what I told you Meredith. He changed his mind. That's it. He just changed his mind." She sighed, "You remember when I was in Seattle, about 5 years ago? It started about a month before that."

…………...

_She walked serenely down the beach, her toes curling into the sand with every step. She loved LA. She loved her house on the beach, she loved the smell of the ocean drifting through the open windows of her office and she loved walking on the beach while she ate her lunch._

_She reluctantly stepped back up on the grass and dragged her feet gently to get the sand from between her toes. She walked slowly towards her building, putting off her reemergence to the real world as long as possible. _

_She wasn't the only one. _

_Violet sat motionless in the shade of a large tree. Violet's dark glasses made it impossible for her to tell if she was asleep or just still._

"_I envy you," she admitted as she sat down beside Violet._

"_I can't imagine why," Violet replied dryly, but didn't move a muscle._

"_I want a baby."_

"_You can have this one."_

"_You wouldn't do that."_

"_I might," Violet admitted, "I'm not ready to have a baby."_

"_I am."_

…..

_A week later she walked uninvited into Violet's office, "How crazy would it be to do it alone." _

"_Do what?" Violet made a half hearted attempt to hoist herself into a sitting position, but quickly gave up and sank back against the arm of the couch._

"_Have a baby," she leaned against the doorframe of Violet's office, "Is that insane?"_

_Violet's face wrinkled in disgust, "Why would you do that?"_

"_You're doing it."_

"_I got tricked into it," Violet dismissed. Violet looked over at her and really studied her, "You're seriously thinking about doing this?"_

_She nodded and stepped in the room, "I think I'm ready." She sat in the chair adjacent to Violet, "I thought I was ready last year, but maybe I wasn't. Maybe Naomi was right."_

"_I don't have any idea what you are talking about," Violet reminded her, not caring if she shared or not._

"_Naomi told me that I was infertile so she didn't have to get me pregnant," She crossed her legs primly, "It was a pretty risky plan, what if I started sleeping around without bothering with protection?"_

"_Then Naomi would claim it was a miracle and you'd get what you wanted without her having to turn you down." Violet looked around the couch, searching for the trail mix she'd hidden in the general vicinity._

"_Risky." She ignored Violet completely, they weren't really having a conversation anyway, both were just saying things that followed the same train of thought but neither was giving the other much consideration, "It would be weird to have a strangers baby though. I'd at least want to know something about the father of my baby."_

"_Most donor's provide information. Physical description, family history, profession, a little information about his personality. That's more then you get from most first dates."_

_She stood almost dreamily, "Thanks Violet."_

"_You're welcome," Violet waved her hand dismissively. Violet had no idea what she'd done to help._

XXXX

"And that's when you seduced my husband?"

Addison caught herself just shy of glaring at Meredith and continued her story.

….

"_I don't know what to do," She stepped just inside the door to Violet's office and closed it firmly behind her, "I hate all these men."_

"_Don't you work?" Violet asked from behind her desk where she was trying to win her game of freecell, "What men?" Violet made a final move on her game and admitted defeat._

"_The donors."_

"_What donors?"_

"_For my baby," She exclaimed in complete exasperation, "What else have I been confiding to you about for the past 2 weeks?"_

"_You were serious? I thought you were just… ticking," Violet made a vague hand gesture, "I thought your biological clock was out of wack. You're serious!"_

"_I have donor profiles!" Her eyes widened at the thought that Violet wasn't as on board and supportive as she'd originally thought, "You think I'm crazy!"_

"_Sit down!" Violet gestured wildly, "What did you do!"_

"_I googled. Then I called. Now I have these!" she threw a stack of papers across the desk, "I filled out a questionnaire, and this is the short list."_

"_You're carrying these around the office! People might see!"_

"_I hate them all Violet. Somewhere in there is the father of my child and I hate him!"_

"_You don't even know them," Violet's eyes got wider and wider as she read, "You're seriously doing this?"_

_She stared blankly, her mind somewhere else. Finally she stood, "Thanks Violet."_

"_What? What are you thanking me for," Violet panicked._

_She paused at the door, "I don't know any of those men. This isn't for me. And it's lunch time. I'm hungry. Hey, if you see Naomi can you tell her I'm looking for her?"_

"_This is over?" Violet held up the donor profiles, "I can shred these?"_

"_Do whatever you want with them, I'm not having a strange man's baby."_

XXXX

"So _thats__––__"_

"I did _not_––"

"You––"

"Let me _finish!"_

……….

"_You looking for me?" Naomi asked._

"_Yeah," She looked up from the game of minesweeper she was currently engaged in._

"_Are you busy? I can come back."_

"_Nope, just give me one second," She placed one last flag and with bated breath waited to see if she'd won –– she hadn't, "I need to go to Seattle next weekend, there are some things that still need to be ironed out with the divorce, can you come with me?"_

"_I thought everything was done with that."_

"_It's just one last thing," She looked forlornly at Naomi, her best friend, "Please? I could really use you there. For the support."_

_Naomi's face softened. Naomi reached out to grasp her hand in solidarity and comfort, "Of course."_

"_Thanks Nae," She squeezed Naomi's hand, then pulled away and looked back down at her desk, she had a crossword hidden under her charts and she'd just figured out the answer to 47-down._

"_Do you want to talk about it?" Naomi asked._

_She shook her head, "I'm fine. I just need to be alone."_

_Naomi smiled, and with one last supportive look left her with her thoughts._

_She reached for a pencil and uncovered her crossword. 47-down just helped her figure out that whole corner._

XXXX

For the first time since Addison had begun her narrative Meredith didn't jump in when Addison paused for a breath. Instead she was remembering.

She knew what happened next.

……….

"_What about Saturday?" Derek asked._

"_I'm going shopping with Christina. I want to get a new comforter."_

"_We could go in the morning? Just take a look."_

_She turned to him and put her hands on her hips, "A church wedding?" she asked with a shrug._

"_You don't want to get married in a church?"_

"_I don't know," she considered it while she rinsed off the last dish from supper, "I never really thought about it. I've never gone to church."_

_Derek sighed and took the plate from her and starting to dry it._

"_I'm sorry," she apologized._

"_No," Derek smiled at her, "You can have whatever kind of wedding you want."_

"_But you want to get married in a church," she confirmed with a small smile._

"_Yes," Derek smiled back, not even trying to hide his preference._

_She sighed at he finished drying the last of the dishes, smiles still playing at the corners of their mouths, "It feels weird that we're doing this."_

"_What?"_

"_Getting married," she stepped closer, "Don't you think it's weird."_

"_No," Derek shook his head and shrugged, "It doesn't feel weird to me."_

"_Really?"_

"_Really," Derek glanced at her, "How does it seem weird?" he asked just as his phone started to ring._

"_Aren't you going to answer that?" she teased pointedly._

"_You aren't getting out of this conversation by being cute," Derek warned her as he answered his phone "Shepherd."_

_She listened to his end of the conversation which began with a long tense silence._

"_Hi."_

"_Who is it?" she mouthed._

_Derek waved a hand dismissively, "What's… why are…? –– You want to see Meredith?" Derek choked out._

_She turned to him again and raised an eyebrow. "Who is it?" She mouthed again._

"_Okay," he agreed slowly, "When?"–– Joe's? –– Yeah. I know the place. By the water. –– Eight? –– Okay. ––Bye." Derek hung up the phone and turned slowly to face her. "We're meeting with Addison in an hour."_

XXXX

Addison eyed Meredith, Meredith seemed to be crying but Addison wasn't sure, then continued.

………...

"_Can I get you another?" _

_She shook her head. She didn't need more liquor in her right now. "Can I get some water?"_

_She played anxiously with the corner of her napkin. The hair on the back of her neck tingled and she looked up to see Derek and Meredith walking towards her, their hands tightly clasped together. She stood, her legs wobbling unsteadily, and carefully hugged them both before they all slid into the booth._

"_How's Archer?" Derek began._

"_Good," She nodded not sure how to elaborate._

"_We're getting married," Meredith cut in._

"_Congratulations," She smiled tightly as her eyes lingered on the ring that she recognized. She glanced at Derek and he held her gaze, something indefinable passing between them._

"_Addison," Derek prompted._

_She held his eye and took a deep breath. "I want to have a baby." She paused while he digested that, then turned to Meredith, "That's why I went to LA initially, I wanted Naomi's help to get pregnant. I let it drop for awhile, but it's something that I really want."_

_Meredith glanced over at Derek, but he was still staring intently._

"_I looked into donors but nothing felt right," she met Derek's eye again and held it determinedly._

_Meredith looked between the two of them. "I don't understand. Why are you telling us this."_

"_Because she wants me to be the donor," Derek explained simply still not taking his eyes off his ex-wife._

"_I want to know something about my baby's father beyond his eye colour and profession," she explained, "I want a story."_

_Derek leaned back a bit and continued to stare at her._

"_No!" Meredith exclaimed, "Absolutely… no!" _

"_Addison," Derek's voice was apologetic once he turned back to her._

_She nodded, "I know," she smiled bravely, "It was a long shot."_

_Meredith elbowed Derek hard in the side and he obediently stood but his eyes stayed trained on her. Meredith followed him from the booth and possessively linked her arm through his._

"_I'm sorry," Derek apologized again._

"_It's okay," she looked down and began fiddling with her napkin again, "I didn't expect you to say yes."_

_When she looked up again they were gone._

XXXX

"I wasn't sure what I was going to do," Addison reflected softly. "I never pictured myself having anyone else's child, and suddenly that was gone."

"Apparently not."

……...

"_He said no." Tears trailed down her cheeks as Naomi opened the door to her hotel room._

"_Who said no?"_

"_Derek!" She dropped her head into the crook of Naomi's shoulder and let her lead her into the hotel._

"_Addison. I don't understand."_

"_I asked him to be the father of my baby," she sobbed._

_Naomi sat her on the edge of the bed and pushed her to lay down and curl herself into a ball on her side, "When did you see Derek?"_

"_20 minutes ago. I met him and Meredith at a bar down the street."_

"_That's why you had to come to Seattle?"_

"_What was I suppose to do? Ask him in an e-mail?"_

"_It might have been a little less humiliating," Naomi sighed and brushed her hair away from her face, 'You didn't really think he'd say yes?"_

"_Meredith was the one that said no. He might have said yes if she wasn't there."_

"_Addison!"_

"_I knew he'd say no," Addison admitted, "I just didn't realize I knew until he said it."_

……..

_She stared at the vase of flowers on her desk. Nothing could hold her attention. Not work. Not her friends. She felt disconnected. Smiling was an effort. Speaking was an effort. Being awake when all she wanted to do was crawl in bed and sleep was an effort._

_The phone rang and it took her a moment to realize not only that there was a sound, but what that sound was. It look her another moment to work up the will to answer._

"_Hello."_

"_Addison?"_

"_Yes."_

"_I'm sorry, are you okay? You don't sound yourself."_

"_I'm fine." For the first time in 2 weeks her mind felt sharp, "What can I do for you Derek?"_

"_I've been thinking. A lot. Since you were here. And I think… I think you have a point. You should be able to tell your children about their father –– you should have a story to tell your grandchildren."_

"_Derek. No. Meredith made it very clear that she's doesn't want you doing this and I think I know her well enough to know that she hasn't changed her mind."_

"_I changed my mind," Derek implored. "I want to do this. I want you to have a baby and I want to help," he explained carefully, "I've been thinking about it and I think it's something we should do. We should have a baby."_

XXXX

Meredith stared out of the window.

"I never seduced your husband," Addison explained evenly, "Our son was conceived in a lab and implanted."

Meredith choked back a sob.

"Meredith. We never had sex."

Meredith stood. Addison could see the agony on her face, the heartache that was almost indistinguishable from physical pain or acute nausea.

"This is worse." Meredith covered her face, her hand unable to hide the cascading tears on her cheeks, and she rushed for the door. "This is worse then sex."


	5. Chapter 5

So. To my surprise, no one seemed to think that for Meredith it was worse that Addek hadn't had sex. Maybe you were just bitter that they hadn't bumped uglies.

So it was like 30 degrees today and I laid out on my back deck in my bathing suit for like…. 2 hours. It was lovely. My skin is starting to take on a normal person tone instead of a tone only found in ghosts and tubes of white out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Christopher?"

"Ith you gonna come home with me and Mummy when we goeth?" Shep asked softly, still tired and groggy from his interrupted nap.

"Not this time Buddy, but I'll come visit as soon as I can." Derek held him a little closer and kissed the top of his head.

"I don't wanth to goth," Shep played with the button on Derek's shirt and cuddled closer on his lap, "Can I stayth here with you?"

"I think Mummy would be lonely without you."

"Mummy can stay too?" Shep turned his face up to look at his father, his eyes were bright and clearly unhappy.

Derek smiled weakly at his son and hugged him close to his chest. He turned his attention back to the elevators and waited for his wife to appear.

……….

"_Where are you?"_

"_What's wrong?"_

"_Where are you?"_

"_Addison," Derek pressed one hand against his forehead, and gripped his phone tightly in his other "Are you okay? You're crying. What's wrong?"_

"_I'm pregnant."_

_Derek was stunned, "You're sure?"_

_The tremor in her voice turned into a laugh, "Yeah. I just took the test. Well, I took 7 of them."_

"_You're pregnant?" He repeated._

"_Tests 2 and 3 were a little undecided, but I have 5 others that are very firm in their diagnosis. I'm pregnant."_

"_Oh my god," Derek couldn't move, he could just stand and stare at the dashboard of his car._

"_Derek? Are you–– Derek? I'm –– are you sure that ––"_

"_You need to go to the doctor," his brain suddenly sprang into action, "You need vitamins and an ultrasound and a complete exam."_

"_Do you want me to fax you a copy of the chart?" she laughed. "I was kidding," she teased when he didn't reply, "I'll make an appointment this morning."_

_Derek finally let his hand drop from his forehead and it landed on the steering wheel with a thump. "I've been sitting at this stop sign for a really long time."_

"_A little shocked?" she asked. "Derek? Are you still sure––?"_

"_Add," he grinned, "We're having a baby."_

XXXX

Derek's head shot up as the elevator doors opened and Meredith stepped out.

"Stay here, Buddy," he instructed as he displaced Shep from his lap and set him in the corner of the couch in Addison's hotel lobby. "Meredith––" he called out, fully expecting her to ignoring him and run out the front doors.

But to his surprise, she stopped.

"I should have told you," he humbled himself immediately, "You had a right to know."

"You lied to me."

"I know. I _know_. Just…" he paused as he felt Christopher wrap his arms around his thigh and rest his cheek against the seam of his jeans. Instinctively Derek's hand rested protectively on his son's head. He took a deep breath. "Meredith, this is Christopher."

Meredith didn't even glance at the little boy clinging to her husband's leg.

"Christopher," Derek lifted him up and wrapped his legs around his waist, "This is my wife Meredith. Can you say 'hi'?"

"Hi," Shep echoed softly.

"Hi," Meredith forced herself to reply. Her eyes were glassy

"Can we talk about this?" Derek asked as he placed Shep back on his own two feet.

Meredith shook her head, but relented, "Not in front of your _son_," she couldn't stop the venom from creeping into her voice.

"Okay. Okay," Derek readily agreed, "Thank you. I just have to take him up to––"

"Shep," Addison spoke sharply from just outside the elevator, "Time to go."

Shep stepped closer to Derek and refused to look at his mother.

"Christopher!"

"No," Shep refused softly and wrapped his arms around Derek's thigh.

"Christopher Shepherd _Mont_––"

"_NO_!"

……….

"_Are you nervous?"_

"_Kinda," Derek squinted into the sun and looked around him keeping his phone pressed tightly to his ear._

"_What are you going to talk about in your first class as a professor?" Meredith asked._

"_It's just an introductory class. I'm just going over my career and some of the research I've done and the work I'm doing now––"_

"_So you're going to be one of those professors."_

"_What professors?" Derek asked with a smile._

"_The one who's class you skip so you can nap."_

_Derek chuckled, "I need to go, I'm having brunch with the Dean before my class."_

"_I'll let you go then. Good luck, and I love you."_

"_I love you too," Derek replied and disconnected his cell before tucking it in his pocket. He looked over the house in front of him once again and started up the front walk. He was half way to the front door when the door opened._

"_Hey," Addison's smile was brilliant as she stepped out onto the porch._

"_Hi," Derek's smile was just as bright as hers as he leaned forward to kiss her cheek, "Is that him?"_

_Addison nodded and turned so Derek could see baby cuddled into her neck. She didn't even tease him about stupidly asking if 'that was him'._

"_He's getting so big," Derek said, a bit in awe._

"_He eats pretty constantly," Addison smiled and leaned towards Derek so he could take the baby from her arms, "Kinda like someone else I know," she teased._

_But, Derek wasn't listening to her. He bounced the baby gently trying to wake him up a little more, "Hey, Christopher." He walked past Addison and made his way familiarly into her home._

"_He also doesn't wake up easily," Addison remarked offhandedly as she closed the door and followed Derek into the house, "Also just like his father."_

_Derek carried Christopher through the house and began pacing in front of the beach facing windows. Addison curled up in a chair, watching them until her eyelids started to droop. _

"_Why don't you go lay down," Derek offered, watching her only out of the corner of his eye._

"_He's going to wake up hungry any second now."_

"_I'll wake you up when he wakes up," he finally dragged his eyes away from the baby, "I'm only here over night, I can help while I'm here."_

_Addison smiled and nodded, "Wake me up when he gets hungry," she stood and walked over to them. She looked at Derek and her son and smiled fondly. She ran her fingers over Christopher's wild hair and kissed his forehead. His intense blue eyes flickered open for a second. "No question of paternity with this one," Addison remarked._

"_No," Derek gently rocked his son back and forth, "He's definitely ours."_

XXXX

"Christopher!" Addison exclaimed in surprise, Shep rarely raised his voice, and it was rarer still that he would flat out disobey her.

"I wanth ta thtay wif Daddy."

"Shep, come on. We need to go pack."

"NO!"

"Shep. Please."

"No!" Shep cried clinging to his father.

"Derek!"

"Christopher," Derek struggled to pull the little boy off of his leg and pick him up.

"I wanth ta thtay wifth youth," Shep cried into Derek's neck.

Derek looked at Addison for a translation.

"He wants to stay with you," Meredith supplied cooly.

………

_Addison awoke as the bed dipped gently beside her. "He hungry?" She didn't open her eyes as she began to sit up._

"_He's getting a little fussy," Derek spoke quietly from the edge of the bed. "He's gotten so big in 6 weeks."_

_Addison smiled and reached for the baby, "I weighed him at work yesterday and he was 14 pounds, 2 ounces. He's huge," She propped a few pillows behind her._

"_Can I stay while you feed him?"_

_Addison studied him a moment then nodded._

"_He started out at almost 10 pounds, I guess we shouldn't be surprised."_

_Addison was silent a moment as she got baby Christopher latched on and positioned right. "I think at least a pound of that was hair though."_

"_He did have a lot of hair. He looked kinda like Elvis with that goo plastering it to his head." _

"_That goo? You mean amniotic fluid?" Addison raised an eyebrow._

"_Addison," his nose curled, "Please."_

"_You're a neurosurgeon. You touch brains."_

"_Brains are a lot more solid. You couldn't see it. It was a mess down there."_

"_I'm familiar with the process," she smiled. "So teaching?"_

"_Every two weeks. Overnight. Maybe a little longer if they ask me to."_

"_How does Meredith feel about it?"_

"_She thinks it's a great opportunity. She thinks maybe they'll offer me something permanent, she wouldn't be opposed to moving down here."_

"_Do you want to move here?"_

"_I don't know," he replied honestly. "I think she'd change her mind if she knew about Christopher."_

_Addison nodded, "Has she said anything about me at all?"_

"_She asked if I was going to see you when I was here. I said 'probably' and she didn't push it."_

_Addison looked away, staring out her open window. "Hows the wedding planning coming along," she asked without looking at him._

"_We decided on the fall, but beyond that we haven't planned anything."_

"_I know I said it was up to you whether or not you told her, but I really think you should."_

_Derek shifted uncomfortably. "I didn't cheat on her. I just helped you have a baby."_

"_I know," Addison had to agree even though she wasn't sure she did, "But you're going to marry her, your children with her are going to be Shep's brothers and sisters. It just seems wrong."_

"_You were okay with it when we decided to do this."_

"_I asked both of you. I included Meredith, you decided on your own––" she broke off as the baby pulled away from her breast, she ran a finger over his cheek and moved to burp him._

"_I'll do that," Derek reached for the baby again._

"_You're sitting in my bedroom," Addison picked up their conversation, "Watching me breast-feed our son, do you really think Meredith would be comfortable with that?"_

"_Why don't you just concentrate on raising Christopher and I'll worry about Meredith," his voice was tight and he wouldn't even look at her._

_They sat in angry silence until Christopher burped._

"_Can I have my son back now?" Addison challenged, her arms outstretched, "He needs to finish eating." She pulled her legs up to obstruct Derek's view and set the baby up to eat the second half of his meal._

"_You're mad at me," Derek stated finally after a long long silence._

"_By not telling Meredith you are turning me into some sort of mistress," Addison spoke through gritted teeth. "I know you didn't technically cheat on her, but you didn't tell her you were fathering my child, you wanted to make up a conference so you could be here for his birth, this is the third time you've been to visit him in 3 months, you took a position just so you can see Shep every two weeks. You're making me the other woman."_

"_You agreed. You knew I decided not to involve Meredith."_

"_Well, I was kind of desperate." Addison sighed humourlessly, "I feel like I've stolen something from Meredith. Like that sperm was hers to have your children with, I had no right to even ask."_

"_You did ask. And it's up to me to decide who is the mother of my children, and I wanted you to have my baby. It was my decision, it doesn't involve Meredith."_

"_It does involve Meredith, Derek," she shook her head in disbelief, "She's your fiancee. This involves her! God! For the 6 hours that I thought Meredith was pregnant when we were getting divorced––"_

"_Could we not fight about this in front of Christopher!"_

"_Fine!"_

"_Fine!" Derek exclaimed, completely exasperated._

_They lasped back into silence until Addison sat up slowly, "He's asleep. You can put him to bed, I'll make us some lunch."_

_Derek held out his arms and Addison lay the sleeping baby in the crook of his arm._

"_Is turkey sandwiches okay?" She asked as she pulled down her shirt and swung her legs over the side of the bed. _

"_Sounds great."_

"_No, mustard, no tomatos, no cheese, no taste?"_

_Derek grinned, "You know exactly how I like them."_

_Addison simply rolled her eyes and smiled._

………

_She threw a couple extra pickles on to her sandwich, looking up as Derek entered the kitchen. "I see you are still carrying him around."_

"_He woke up," Derek settled the 3 month old baby into the carrier that was sitting on the counter, "Is that one for me?"_

_Addison nodded and took a bite of her own sandwich._

"_I was thinking I would take you and Christopher out of dinner."_

_Addison nodded, "We could meet you in the quad after your class."_

_Derek agreed. "Have you taken him to the beach yet?"_

_Addison glanced over her shoulder at the beach and shrugged. "I guess."_

"_He likes it?"_

"_He's three months old. He laid on a blanket for awhile then it got to hot and I brought him inside."_

_Derek moved a bit closer to the window. "I'm going to take him out to the beach for a little while. Dip his toes in the water. Maybe build a sandcastle. Collect some shells."_

"_He watches you when you talk."_

_Derek turned around in surprise._

"_Shep. He's eyes look for you when you talk," Addison nodded to the baby, "He knows who you are."_

_Derek grinned and put down his sandwich in favor of picking up the baby's feet. "Christopher, do you want to go to the beach? Do you want to play in the sand? Do you want to go in the water and splash around?" He looked at Addison for permission, "Do you mind?"_

"_You've already promised him he can. Just make sure he wears a hat. And don't let him get to hot. And put him in his bathing suit and a t-shirt, one that covers a lot of skin. And a hat."_

"_Yay!" Derek lifted the baby out of the carrier once again, "That's Mommy's way of saying 'have fun'."_

"_Derek. Your sandwich."_

"_I'll grab something before class."_

_Addison rolled her eyes and walked through the patio doors and leaned as far as she could over the railing next to Sam's house. She could see no movement inside the house and no car in the driveway. The coast was clear._

XXXX

"Christopher," Derek rubbed his back, "You can't stay with me, who will take care of Mummy?"

Shep clearly didn't care.

"I'll come visit soon. Me and Meredith. That will be fun, won't it?"

Shep held on to Derek's neck and tightened his legs around his waist.

"Add?" Derek nodded for Addison to come take Christopher, "I love you, okay. I'll see you soon. We'll go fishing, just you and me."

"Shep. Come on baby," Addison spoke softly as she pulled him away, "Time to go."

"Nooooo," Shep choked and cried, still trying to hold on to Derek before Addison turned him into her arms and held him tightly, rocking him from side to side.

"He'll be fine," Addison assure Derek.

"Call me when you get home," Derek implored.

Addison rolled her eyes, but nodded. "Say bye, Shep."

"Byeth Daddy," Shep cried against Addison's shoulder.

"Bye, Christopher." Derek watched them until they entered the elevator. His eye caught Addison's hard gaze and their eyes locked firmly until the doors closed between them.

Then he turned to face his wife.

………

"_Coming in?" Derek called from the water's edge where he was kneeling in about half an inch of water and dipping Christopher's toe's in._

"_I think I'll just watch from here," Addison replied as she sat down on the bottom step of her patio._

"_Go change into your suit and come for a swim."_

_Addison hesitated a moment and walked over to join them at the water, "How's he liking it?"_

"_He loves it. You're going to get your clothes wet, go change."_

"_You like the water Shep?" She asked kneeling in front of Derek and giving her son her fingers to grasp when he reached for her._

"_Your shorts are getting wet," Derek pointed out needlessly._

"_I know," she smiled at the baby and splashed some water against his knees, "It's fine."_

"_Just go change. We'll be out here for awhile."_

"_I still have some baby weight to go before I'm ready for a bathing suit." She flushed, but covered it by leaning in to kiss the baby's cheek and let him grab her hair._

"_You look great," Derek protested automatically._

_She glanced at him in surprised._

"_No. You do. You look really…" he tried to look her over without looking like he was checking her out, "You always look fantastic Addison."_

"_Thanks, Derek."_

_She concentrated on the baby between them, cooing and talking to him –– no baby talk for Addison, just gentle conversational tones –– and Derek look the time to really study her. She did look a little different. Softer. Her hips were less angular, her chest was rounder and fuller. And she glowed. "Why did you change your hair?"_

_She shrugged, "Just needed a change."_

"_It's shorter. And darker."_

_She nodded and made a face to get the baby laughing._

"_I liked it long. I liked the old colour."_

"_I know," she spoke softly, glancing at him through her lashes, "I needed to change."_

XXXX

Meredith stepped through the front door of her house and dropped her keys and her zip-up sweater on the table against the stairs; she was still wearing her jogging clothes from that morning when she thought she could forgive her husband.

"I have a son," Derek began.

Meredith turned to face him. She no longer felt anything. The words that he had spoken didn't effect her and she already knew that nothing he said could take away the numbness. She turned and trudged wearily in the kitchen.

"He's 4. He was born before we got married."

Meredith opened the refrigerator and surveyed the contents.

"You know I love you, that I could never do anything to hurt you, but it was Addison. I owed her."

Meredith raised an eyebrow and pulled out leftover pasta and set it on the counter.

"I chose to be with you, I love you, and I left Addison without even the opportunity to have the children she wanted. She was my wife for eleven years and I left her when she was trying her hardest to make our marriage work."

She wrinkled her nose at the creamy sauce on the top shelf and sought out the tomato sauce in the back. She rested a block of cheese on top of the jar and closed the door.

"There was a clinic in LA that Addison's practice had worked with that she knew had a good track record with women over 35. I went in once and she called me when it worked."

Meredith turned on the burner of the stove and picked a pot from the drying rack in the sink.

"I guess… I guess I saw her from time to time," Derek paused.

Meredith dumped the sauce into the pot and took some plates out of the cupboard. She poured the pasta on to one of the plates and put it into the microwave.

"I was there when he was born,' Derek admitted. "She called to tell me, she went into preterm labor. I was in San Diego working on a case and I drove up to be with her. I was the first one to hold him.

Meredith watched his chest puff out with pride, then she turned back to her sauce and gave it a stir. "Do you want wine?"

………

_Derek stepped out into the late afternoon sun and put on his sunglasses. His class had gone well and he was experiencing the natural high that comes with trying something well and succeeding spectacularly. His class was interested and engaging and he could already spot promise in some of the students. He stood on the top of the steps outside the medical science building and pulled out his phone to call Meredith._

"_How'd it go?" She answered excitedly._

"_Great. Just great," Derek couldn't put into words how he felt, "I might have to recruit a few of these kids for Richard. I forgot how eager you are in medical school; how you just want to learn everything you can. It's amazing." He spotted Addison sitting on a bench in the sun on a path a little ways away from the building and started to walk towards her._

"_Bye, Doctor Shepherd," a student passed him and waved._

"_Do I need to worry about you and these bright young students?" She teased._

_Derek laughed, "They're a bit to young for me."_

"_You have an age limit?"_

"_I like my women a little more mature."_

"_Good thing I'm turning 30 next month then."_

"_We'll have 5 months with us both in our 30's," Derek stopped a few feet from Addison who had yet to notice him._

"_That will be nice. What are you doing for the rest of your evening in LA?"_

"_I'm actually going out to dinner with Addison." Addison looked up at the sound of her name, but turned her attention back to the baby in his stroller when she saw that Derek was on the phone._

"_Oh," Meredith was taken aback for a second, "So, you spoke with her then."_

"_Yeah, before my class," he answered vaguely, "I'm about to meet her now."_

"_How is she?" Meredith asked, in an effort to be polite._

"_She's really good," he walked closer to the stroller and grinned at Christopher who was looking at him and kicking his feet and waving his arms at him._

"_Well. Say 'hi' for me."_

"_Will do."_

"_I love you."_

"_Bye." Derek snapped his phone shut and knelt in front of the stroller, "Hello Son."_

"_He missed you," Addison absently adjusted the strap of her sundress and rocked the stroller back and forth with the toe of one extremely high heeled shoe._

"_I missed him. Where do you want to go eat?"_

"_Somewhere with a patio."_

"_Hi Doctor Shepherd," a few of his new students approached._

"_Hello," he held out his hand and they introduced themselves._

"_Is this your baby?"_

_Derek didn't even look at Addison for direction, just grinned and said "Yes. This is Christopher."_

"_He looks just like you."_

_Derek's chest swelled with pride, "Nah. He looks like his mother."_

_Addison raised an eyebrow. She'd been studying her son since the day he was born and she'd yet to find any evidence that she was in any way part of his genetic make-up._

_Just then Christopher smiled brightly at his father. Derek nodded, "See. Just like Mom."_

"_He's adorable," the student agreed, "We just wanted to tell you we loved your class."_

"_Hopefully you'll still feel like that during mid-terms," he turned to Addison, "They liked my class."_

"_I'm just impressed they stayed awake," she replied dryly._

"_It was fascinating," one girl gushed._

_Addison raised an eyebrow and suppressed a snort. _

"_Addison's an OB/GYN," Derek explained, "She specializes in maternal-fetal medicine."_

"_And a dozen other things that intimidate you," Addison added sweetly._

"_You're Addison Montgomery? We talked about you for a week in my advanced women's medicine class. There was a whole extra credit assignment on you. I know you're in private practice now, but do you take med students?"_

_Addison smiled at Derek, "I was an extra credit assignment in an advanced class. Now who's the fascinating one?"_

"_We have a dinner reservation," Derek gripped the handles of the stroller, "It was nice to meet you."_

_Addison laughed as they walked away from the students._

_Derek pushed the stroller down the path. Christopher was gurgling and talking to himself. Addison was walking at his side, the sun glinting off her hair. Derek stared at her a moment longer. This is what he'd imagined._

_But, he imagined Central Park._

XXXX

"Do you want wine?"

"What are you doing!" Derek exclaimed, noticing for the first time that Meredith didn't seem to be paying him any attention.

"Making supper. Do you want wine?"

Derek sat down and gripped his hair in his fists, "Why are you making supper _now_?"

"Because it is 6 o'clock."

"We are trying to talk––"

"There is nothing to talk about, Derek! You decided to have a baby with Addison, _what_ is there to talk about?"

"There is _everything_ to talk about!"

"No. There's not. There are things ––" the microwave beeped and Meredith paused to take it out of the microwave and dish it onto two plates, "–– There are things that are sacred. Children are one of those things. The _decision_… " She searched a drawer for ladle, "I really did mean it when I said we could get past it if it was just one time," She ladled the sauce on to the pasta and placed it back on the counter to pick up the other plate, "If it was a mistake, even if you'd known about him, if it was a mistake we could have moved on, but you _decided_, with her, to have a baby. You _wanted_ a child with her. You _planned _a child with her." Meredith picked up both plates and set them on the table, "That was suppose to be mine. Deciding to have a child is the most amazing thing that a couple can do together, and you _gave_ that to Addison. You betrayed our whole relationship, you threw away everything that connects us."

"It's not like I cheated. I didn't sleep with her. He was conceived in a petrie dish in a lab."

"Kids are evidence of a bond, Derek. They are the embodiment of a relationship. They're a physical representation of love. And you wanted that with her." Meredith sat down across from him, "I wanted that with you. I wanted to talk about names and fight over nicknames. And don't even –– it's not even worth you trying to convince me that she just named him after you and you had nothing to do with it. She didn't just give him your middle name without discussing it with you first. She doesn't just call him 'Shep' because it's cute. He's named after you. You picked that out together when you were married and talking about the kids you'd have and you decided to use it anyway. You won't even have that conversation with me. You told me we had time, you told me to concentrate on my career. You always wanted a family with her, you never seemed to feel the same was about me," She sighed, "Do you want wine?"

"I'm sorry," he breathed. "Meredith, I made a mistake. But he's here now, and I'm sorry that I lied, but––"

"Me too," she acknowledged. "I didn't think our whole marriage could end in 24 hours."

"Mer, don't. I love you."

"Eat your pasta, Derek, before it gets cold."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Awww. Baby Shep.


	6. Chapter 6

My x-work-BF has anger issues. And my work-BF is leaving me and my buffer between me and x-work-BF quit so he can go to Europe.

My life is hard.

So are Derek and Addison's.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek Shepherd entered the Emerald City Bar and sat down on the bar stool just to the left of where Joe was standing mopping up the bar top. It was only 8 o'clock and the bar was still quiet.

"Early night tonight Dr. Shepherd?" Joe set down 2 glasses and poured a liberal amount of scotch into each.

Derek smiled wearily. He picked up one of the glasses and drained it in one gulp, "Last day. I'm leaving." He picked up the second glass and drained that too.

Joe chuckled, "That one was for your wife." He moved to pour another, but Derek stopped him with a shake of his hand.

"Meredith, we, ahhh," Derek closed his eyes tightly and rubbed his palms over his face hard for a long moment, "She's not coming."

Joe refilled both glasses and put the bottle down so he could rest both palms on the bar.

"You remember Addison?"

"Your ex-wife. Leggy redhead. Slept with Sloan. And Karev. Might have been someone else. She's in California isn't she?"

Derek stared at Joe in utter bewilderment, "_Karev_?"

"Ya," Joe's forehead furrowed in concentration as he tried to remember, "Dr. Sloan said something, they had a bet maybe?"

"Mark and Alex?"

"No no. Sloan and your ex. I forget. What about her?"

"She's in LA with our son," Derek remarked.

Joe was silent a beat, "You two didn't have any children when she left."

"No. We did not."

"And you didn't have any children when she was here a few years ago with her brother."

"No. We didn't."

"You know, it's early. I'll have a drink with you. It's your last day."

"You know you are the first person I met in Seattle." Derek tipped his glass in Joe's direction.

"You know," Joe continued in the same train, "You are the first person I've met that has divorced two women so hot I've reconsidered my sexual orientation." He took a long drink and grimaced, "I'm just saying."

XXXX

"Parental duties done for the night?"

"I bathed. I tucked in. I read. I kissed good night."

"Me too. Well, I supervised. My child is startlingly independent for 5. She now showers to conserve water. And she read her bedtime story to Pete."

Addison laughed.

"It was cute. It was a poem about saving the manatee's off the coast of Florida. Then they researched Florida wildlife preservation for half an hour until I kicked him out."

"He's good with her."

"Yeah," Violet agreed grudgingly, "I guess. You know I just don't understand how she ended up the way that she is."

"Smart?"

"Not emotionally disturbed."

"She has good parents."

"I'm not sure who's raising who really. You know what sucks about having children under 12?"

"What," Addison settled back into the couch with her wine.

"You can't just leave them and go out. We could be hanging out with Naomi drinking Martini's. I'm positive that I could leave and if the house caught on fire Hazel would either efficiently extinguish it or she'd calmly walk next door and have someone call 911, but social services says I have to stay, so I stay."

"Call Pete."

"I don't _want_ to call Pete. He needs to sleep in his own bed at least 6 times a month in order to justify keeping his own place."

"So, he can leave later."

"He just left."

"But you want him to come back."

Violet was silent as she didn't deny it.

"Mummy?"

Addison turned, "Gotta go. Someone's out of bed. What's wrong, honey?"

"When-th Daddy comin' back?"

Addison held out her arms and Shep padded across the room and curled into her lap.

"He-th been gone a weally long time."

"He called you two nights ago. Remember, you planned your fishing trip?"

"Buth I wanth him here."

"I know you want him here. But remember how long it took us to get to Seattle? Daddy has to do that every time he comes to visit you. But he comes as much as he can."

"I mith him."

"I know you miss him," Addison kissed the top of his head and rocked him back and forth a few minutes. "Shep?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you love me as much as you love Daddy?" She hated herself for asking, because she knew that he did, she just needed to hear it.

"Yeth," Shep's eyes widdened, "I loff you da mostest, Mummy."

"You love me the most," Addison grinned, blinking back a few tears, "Well I love you the most too," she sighed happily, "Can Mummy have a kiss?"

Shep grinned and leaned up to press a light but slightly sloppy kiss to her lips, "Canth I sleepth with youth tonight?"

"Yes," Addison kissed the tip of his nose, "You can sleep with me tonight."

XXXX

"Can we hafe some when we geth home?"

"Shep, you love when Violet makes her big breakfasts. She said there's going to be strawberries _and_ blueberries for your french toast."

"I _knoooooooooow," _he sighed, "But sheth never hath bacon or sauthathes."

"Shep––"

"Sau-sa-_g_-es."

"Thank you. We talked about how Violet and Hazel don't eat meat anymore. Hazel has chosen not to eat anything that had eyes and Violet is supporting her because Uncle Pete is making her."

"But it-th my favorith."

Addison sighed as she opened the front door to Violet's house, "It's my favorite too. _We're here!"_

"_Did you bring orange juice?_" Violet called back.

"No!" Addison entered the kitchen, "You said you had some. I brought champagne."

"Apparently Pete drank it," Violet's eyes were beginning to widen with panic, "We can't have our mimosa's if we don't have orange juice. Damn Pete."

"Breakfast! Breakfast! Breakfast!" Hazel ran into the kitchen, Shep hot on her heels.

"Hazel, put some clothes on," Violet said automatically, "Did Daddy drink all our orange juice?"

"Yes," Hazel climbed up onto a chair and then on to the counter, "He said that we needed to drink more vitamin C because I'm starting school and there are lot of germs which are highly contagious."

"Really," Violet replied dryly as she picked up her phone and hit speed-dial 1, "Peter. Do you have any orange juice? Because it seems that I am out due to an imagined flu season in August. Thank you." She hung up, "Now. Hazel. Did you and your father discuss the necessity of wearing clothing to school?"

"No."

"Go put on some clothes. We have guests."

"I don't like clothes. They are constricting," Hazel decided as she jumped off the counter, "Come on Shep. The energy in this room is choleric. I need to realign."

Violet stared as her daughter ran off, "_Choleric_? Where does she learn these things?"

"I don't know. My kid can't pronounce 'fishing' properly, don't complain."

"And _fishing_ is something that comes up often in the Montgomery residence?"

"Lately?" Addison picked up a large strawberry and bit off the end, "He's confused but doesn't know the questions he wants to ask, and frankly, I'm glad because I don't know what to say to him. He's constantly asking when Derek is going to visit, or call, or when he's going to see him. _Constantly_."

"Could be worse," Violet uncorked the champagne as the front door opened again, "The father of your child could live five houses down. _Pete! Tell your daughter to put on a dress!"_

"Your orange juice," Pete entered the kitchen and placed the juice on the counter, "Wouldn't want you to have to drink your liquor straight at 9am on a Sunday."

"Thank you. Now go away."

"What? I'm not invited to breakfast?"

"Are you ever?" Addison asked.

"She sometimes lets me stay if I'm already here."

"Go."

"Daddy!"

"Hazel-nut!"

"Are you staying for breakfast?"

"Not this time."

"Are you staying here tonight?"

"Not unless your mom asks me too."

"But you have to stay. Tomorrow is Monday. If you aren't here tomorrow morning to wake me up and make me my cleansing smoothie with extra wheatgrass I will be unbalanced all week." Hazel sighed, "It's because of her commitment issues isn't it?"

Pete smirked, "I think she's pretty committed when it suits her."

"Her Chakras then," Hazel decided, "Her root chakras must be closed. You should help her with that."

"Out," Violet pointed to the door, "You are turning our daughter into a new-age hippy and I won't stand for it. Go home."

"Do you hath a wife too?" Shep asked suddenly.

Everyone in the kitchen turned to stare at him.

"Ith that why you don't live here? Do you have a wife like my Daddy?"

XXXX

Derek rinsed off his toothbrush and shook it hard to get the water off before dropping it in a leather bag with the rest of his toiletries. He glanced out the open bathroom door at the sound of knocking, then took a last look around before picking up the bag and turning out the light.

He swung open the door, barely looked at the person on the other side and crossed the room to the bed where his luggage was spread out.

"Why are you living at a hotel?" Mark stepped into the suite and shut the door behind him, "What's going on with Meredith?"

"We're separated."

"You never said anything," Mark crossed his arms, "What's going on?"

Derek hesitated.

"How long have you been living here?"

"Couple of weeks. Maybe a bit longer."

"Seriously? Does anyone know about this? You guys are still working together aren't you? Is this about the offer?"

"Offer?" Derek asked distractedly.

"Meredith offer? John Hopkins?"

Derek turned, "Meredith was offered a job at John Hopkins?"

"Ya. Like, 2 weeks ago."

"She never mentioned it," he shrugged, "Once the papers are signed she can go wherever she wants."

"Derek." Mark rolled his eyes and sprawled out in the nearest chair, "If you are going to keep divorcing them you need to stop marrying them in the first place."

"I didn't ask for the divorce. She did."

"Why?"

Again Derek hesitated.

"What's with the packing then," Mark asked when it became apparent that Derek wasn't going to answer his earlier question.

"I'm leaving."

"Leaving. Seattle?"

"Yeah. Without Meredith there's nothing here for me. Without her –– the city has lost it's charm."

"So, where are you going to go?"

Derek zipped closed the final piece of luggage and rested his hands firmly on top. "I'm going to L.A.."

"L.A.. Man, I don't want to move to _L.A. _It's to hot there."

Derek smiled, "You're following me again?"

"Well I don't want to, but you're my…" he trailed off, "Addison's in L.A.," he realized slowly.

"Yeah," Derek shrugged, "And I can teach full time there, they've offered me the position a few times."

"Addison is in L.A.," Mark repeated.

"I know."

"This is suddenly making more sense," Mark sat up, "Straight up, between us, does the divorce have something to do with Addison?"

"Yeah," Derek confirmed, all the while shaking his head, "But it's not how you'd… I'm not going there to _be _with Addison."

Mark sat still and watched Derek. "Go on."

"I want to be closer to my son." Derek stared once again at his luggage, then snuck a glance at Mark.

"You have a son. With Addison?" Mark's voice was tight and didn't betray any emotion.

"So I need to go to L.A.."

"With Addison," Mark added, "And your baby. With her. Addison and the little progeny."

"Christopher."

"This is," Mark shook his head, "This is beyond what I thought you were capable… you never take responsibility for your… You're letting Addison ––" Mark abruptly stood, "You've changed. Since you left New York you are not the same guy. You aren't the guy that charms the women into bed and lets them deal with the aftermath. You're the good guy. The––"

"He's 4," Derek interrupted, "Christopher's 4. And I never cheated on Meredith. You can absk her," Derek shrugged and hefted his bag over his shoulder then picked up another smaller one in his right hand, "But, I can spend more time with him," he smiled, "He wants to learn to fish."

"He's 4?"

"Yeah," Derek smiled broadly, "He's amazing."

XXXX

"Shep?" Addison closed her eyes and prayed for a burst of divine mothering wisdom, "Why would you think that?"

"Cauth Hazel lives with her mommy and her daddy visits and pways wif her like Daddy does."

Addison's body deflated as she realized that the non-traditional families that she and Violet were raising their kids in was confusing her son. Of course he would pick up on the similarities between his family and Hazel's, she and Violet practically raised them together with Derek and Pete passing in and out–– Derek more so then Pete.

"Daddy?" Hazel spoke softly and reached out for her father who instantly picked her up and moved closer to Violet.

"Shep," Addison began, "Remember how we talked about different types of families, and in your family Mommy and Daddy don't live together, but we both love you very much. Well, we don't live together because your Daddy is married to Meredith and he loves her the way that Violet and Pete love each other. Our family is different then Hazel's family, but that just means I love you extra to make up for when Daddy's not here."

"You and Daddy don't woff each other?"

"We love each other, but it's not the same."

"Why?"

"Shep," she sighed and reached out to pull him close to her, "It's just a different kind of love."

"Why?"

"It just is." She kissed the top of his head, "You want some breakfast?"

"Yeth," he nodded.

Addison smiled, relieved that all thoughts of families and wives had vanished from his mind to be replaced by an innocent child-like longing for bacon.

XXXX

Derek pulled out his cell phone as he crossed the hotel lobby. He had two calls to make, one he was looking forward to more then the other.

"Hello."

"Hey, Meredith," he smiled into the phone.

"Hey," she replied softly, "How are you?"

"I miss you," he replied instantly, it was how he was feeling, but not at all what he knew she wanted to hear, she wanted him to say 'fine' and tell her why he was calling."I signed the papers and dropped them off this morning."

"Thank you," she sighed, "You know, for not dragging it out and fighting me on this."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Really," she half chuckled, it was more of a morose chuckle then a humorous one.

"I'm sorry," he ran a frustrated hand through his hair, "I just –– change your mind Meredith. Please. Just change your mind and let me come home."

"Derek––"

"Just think about it. Please. We can get past this, it's us. Derek and Meredith. We're stronger then this."

"Derek. Don't."

He could sense her wavering.

"I don't want to not be married to you."

"I don't want to not be married to you either, but I don't know if I can get over this. You hide things from me Derek. Always."

"I was protecting you," he protested.

"I don't need a protector, Derek. I need a husband who tells me things. Important things. Derek that was a huge important thing that you didn't trust me enough to tell me. You lied because you knew I wouldn't want you to do it. How can we be together if you feel justified in going behind my back like that?"

"Because I love you!" he exclaimed, people passing by glanced at him and smiled at his declaration.

"I love you too, but I don't think that's enough this time."

"Think about it. The divorce isn't final yet. Just think about it."

"Okay," she agreed, "I'll think about it. Is that all you wanted."

"Ya. If you need me you know how to contact––"

"Goodbye, Derek."

"I love you, Meredith."

There was a long pause, "I –– Goodbye."

Derek sighed and ended the call. That was the easy one.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he got the answering machine on his second call.

"Hi. It's me. Umm. I'm going to be out of town for awhile, so if you need to get ahold of me you have my cell number. Umm. Don't, ah, don't call the house. This might be kind of a permanent thing so I'll call you when I have my new address and work number. Things with Meredith… they aren't good right now. She's, ah, she's filed for divorce and I'm not contesting it. It's kinda complicated. I'm going to be teaching full time in L.A. for the next 6 weeks while we figure things out. If she…" Derek sighed and dropped his phone for a moment while he gathered his strength and courage to say what needed to be said, "I have a son in L.A.. His name is Christopher. He's 4 and a half. I'm going to be spending time with him until things with Meredith are worked out. I'll call you later. I just –– try to keep in mind that he's your grandson. Okay. He's your grandson. I'll call you in a few days when I'm settled. Bye."

He disconnected his phone just as he stepped out into the early afternoon sun and raised his arm to hail a cab. He leaned back and against the seat and sighed. "Mabery Grove, please. Off the Pacific Coast Highway."

XXXX

"Mummy?"

Addison dropped her purse on the kitchen counter, "Yes, Shep?" She was glad he was talking because he'd been unnaturally quiet the whole time they were at breakfast with Hazel, Violet and Pete –– Violet and Pete who seemed to have mutually and silently decided they were never leaving one another's side again and were touching the whole meal.

"People that love each other have babies right?"

"Yes. That's why Violet and Pete had Hazel, because they love each other. Your Daddy and I love each other in a different way, so we decided to have you."

"But, Daddy loves histh wife?"

"Yes," her stomach clenched almost painfully, "He does. Very much."

"Do they hath a baby?"

"No, Honey. Daddy and Meredith don't have any children," she took a deep breath, "But they might someday, and they would be your brothers and sisters. You'd like that."

"But Ith thought that Daddy loved uth."

"He does love us. He loves you so much, Shep. And you know that Daddy wishes that he could be here all the time, but it's important that he be with Meredith. He loves her too."

"Like Pete loves Violet?"

"Yes. Like Pete loves Violet."

"Why can'th he just woff you life dat and he can be here with uth?"

"Oh, Shep," she picked him up and squeezed him tight, "Shep. Shep. ShepShepShep. That's just not the way it is. But we love _you. _ So so much."

"But why dothn't he woff you? You could be hith wife an' we couldth all beth together?" He was talking faster now and was lisping his words.

"He does love me, and I was his wife for awhile, Sheppy, but we weren't happy together anymore. But even though I didn't want to be his wife anymore, we decided that we really wanted a baby so we had you. And you make us very very happy. Okay?"

"You's huggin' me toth tight."

Addison ignored him and clutched him extra tight for a moment, "I'm not. I'm hugging you just tight enough."

"Mummy? Ith Daddy and hith wife hath babies will heth woff them more then he woffth me?"

"Oh. Shep. No. No, sweetheart. He could never love anyone more then he loves you. You'll always me special to Daddy even if he and Meredith have dozens of babies. He's still going to love you like crazy. Okay?"She held him tight until the doorbell rang and he squirmed away. "Check the fridge and see if we have any bacon, I'll make us some real breakfast for lunch."

She smiled at him as he pulled open the door to the refrigerator and jumped to see what was on the middle shelves. Her bare feet padded silently across the wood floor and she swung open the front door without first pausing to look through the glass.

"Hey."

Addison squared her jaw and pursed her lips. She looked him over, head to toe. He was without the usual duffle bag he brought with him on his weekly overnight visits. He wasn't wearing the leather jacket that he always wore against the air conditioned airport. Instead he was wearing a short sleeve button up shirt and sandals.

"I changed," he explained, nervously shifting his weight, "I'm going to be in town for awhile so I figured I'd stay at the hotel…" he trailed off, not wanting to say out loud the fact that he knew she didn't want to see him and certainly didn't want him staying at her house like he usually did, in addition to the fact that he was going to be underfoot more so then usual when she didn't seem to want him around at all.

She turned on her heel and walked back down the hall, "_Shep!_ Your father is here to see you."

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So, in my head right now I'm having Shep pronounce different things. When he says Addison it sounds more like Athens.

Review. Please. I need the encouragement lately.


	7. Chapter 7

When trying to start writing this chapter I seriously considered never writing again. Then I wrote. It actually came together pretty fast when I was inspired. I don't think I whined nearly as much about this chapter as I did about others. I could be wrong.

I feel that my authors notes are getting boring.

Okay, so here is a thought I had the other day and I really think I am on to something. What Not to Wear with Stacey and Clinton, lately it seems that all the people that are on the show are already kinda cute and are just kinda misguided or unkept. Like there is no challenge. I want them to have some really really ugly people on the show, make them earn those big bucks. I want someone to sit down in front of Carmindy and have her not be able to come up with a single feature to compliment.

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Addison yawned and checked her watch, again. Sighing she turned off the TV and climbed out of bed and walked down the hall with a determined shake of her head. "Derek. It's late."

"Nooooo," Shep whined. He was sprawled out on the bed, Derek leaning against the headboard and reading him a story as he played with the set of hand carved wooden trucks.

"It's past your bedtime. Again," Addison smiled apologetically at her son, then let her gaze harden into a glare as her eyes shifted to her ex-husband.

"Crawl up here," Derek instructed, tugging on Shep's foot until he climbed under the covers, "One more story and then it's time to sleep.

Addison rolled her eyes in annoyance, Shep was barely holding his head up and they had an early morning and a busy day. "Derek," she protested sharply.

Derek ignored her and flipped open a new book, "Mike Mulligan had a steam shovel."

"Derek, he's falling asleep."

"This is his favorite," Derek didn't even look up, and continued, "A beautiful red steam shovel. Her name was Mary Anne."

"You can read it tomorrow, he's to––"

"_Mike Mulligan_," Derek spoke overtop of Addison's protests, "Was very _proud_ of Mary Ann."

"Fine," Addison muttered under her breath. She crossed her arms and waited for Mary Anne to be converted into a furnace –– she refused to believe that was a happy ending –– then she pushed herself off the wall, literally elbowing Derek out of the way so she could tuck the blankets in around a deeply sleeping Shep, kissing him on the forehead and slowly brushing his hair off his face as she marveled that he was a day older.

"See you tomorrow," Derek called back over his shoulder as he started down the staircase, waving as Addison carefully shut the door to Shep's room behind her.

"You need to stop this," she instructed, "His bed time is 8 o'clock. It is now 9:30 and you've had him up at least this late all week. He's been so hyper I don't know what to do with him and he's been taking naps everyday which he hasn't needed for months.."

"You never cared before."

"Before you were only here one or two nights a week, if that. It was special, he never got to see you, but it's been 3 weeks Derek. He needs to go to bed on time. You aren't here in the mornings when I have to drag him out of bed because he hasn't been able to get enough sleep. We have early mornings in this house Derek, he needs to get his sleep."

Derek paused, then nodded in agreement.

"Thank you," Addison sighed with relief.

"Good night," Derek slunk slowly down the stairs, throwing a quick glance at Addison the second before he disappeared from sight.

"Night."

XXXX

Addison yawned as she drowsily made her way down the stairs and to the coffee maker. She picked up her favorite mug from beside the coffee maker and filled it to the brim. She started sipping it even before it had a chance to cool down to scalding. She shuffled to the front door, opened it, and looked at the rising sun for a moment before letting her eyes travel the length of the front walk looking for the paper. It wasn't there.

She paused for a moment staring at the walkway, then looking at the cup off coffee in her hand. Who'd turned on the coffee maker?

She marched back into the house, past the stairs, past the kitchen, past the living room and out on to the back deck.

"Good morning," Derek greeted her jovially.

"What are you doing here?" Addison demanded, "That's my paper."

""International news," he held up the section he knew she'd want then went back to his coffee and sports.

"What are you doing here?"

"You said that you and Christopher got up early in the morning and that he'd been tired lately so I came by so he could sleep in a little more."

But––" Addison was flustered, "He has preschool."

"I didn't think it was real preschool. I thought it was a babysitter that you and Violet hired to watch the kids at work when you have patients.

"And she'll be there at 7 so Shep needs to get up now."

"I can stay here with Christopher."

"It's her job to watch Shep and Hazel."

"She can still watch Hazel. I'll spend the day with Christopher."

"But––Ugh" Addison growled and snatched up her half of the newspaper before disappearing inside.

15 minutes later she was back, this time her hair was half straightened and she was gripping a hairbrush. "This is my house."

Derek looked at her as if she'd grown a second head, "I know."

"You can't just let yourself in and make coffee."

"Okay," Derek frowned.

"You can come over when you are invited, otherwise… otherwise…_ this is my house!"_

Derek smirked, "It's your house, gottcha."

"So long as we are clear."

"We're clear," Derek stood, "L.A. has changed you."

"What do you mean?" Addison demanded defensively.

"Your more… "Derek made a vague swirly gesture around his head, "I'll let you get back to your… house." He grinned at her, amused.

Addison repeated the gesture as Derek passed by her, "What does that mean?" she asked herself. "Derek?"

Derek was almost to the front door but he turned to look at her.

"Since you're here, if you want to spend some time with Shep while I'm at work I guess that's fine."

Derek grinned, "Thanks, Addison."

"But this is _my _house," she reminded him, "My kid, my house, my rules."

XXXX

"I just need to clarify something," Addison stated as she stepped into the practices kitchen area in search of more coffee.

"Mango-carrot-zucchini juice?" Violet offered.

"Ew."

"I know. Hazel and Pete made it this morning. He bought her a juicer for her birthday."

"She's 6. I got her the complete set of _The Little Mermaid_."

"I don't ask questions. She's his daughter. What's going on in your boat?"

"_Don't_ talk to me about boats," Addison groaned, "Anything nautical is just… _he let himself into my house!_"

"When?"

"This morning. I woke up and there was coffee and he was reading my paper."

"Uhuh," Violet poured her juice down the drain and reached for a coffee mug.

"I mean… I divorced him right? I'm not just imagining that? That happened? We signed papers so that we were out of each others lives?"

"Uhuh."

"He's always there Violet. He's there when I go to bed, he's there when I get up. He is there all the time. He eats with us, he fixes the garbage disposal, he got the oil changed in my car, he runs to the store when we are out of milk and we don't have sex. It's like we're married!"

"Married?" Naomi entered the kitchen, "I didn't even know you were seeing anyone.

Addison and Violet exchanged a glance and fell silent.

Naomi noticed the look and sighed. She grabbed an apple from the basket on the table and turned to leave, "I guess I'll go back to work. Pretend I was never here."

Addison threw another glance at Violet who shrugged. "Nae. Wait. We were just…"

"I know. It's fine. I got my apple. We'll talk later."

Violet slipped away and headed back towards her office.

"We were just talking," Addison attempted to explain.

"I know. You guys are always talking. I get it Addison. You and Violet have kids the same age and you've gotten close, I just… I wish that you still talked to me about stuff, you know? I didn't even know you were seeing anyone and now you're complaining that he's always around. I used to be your best friend."

"You _are _my best friend. Naomi!" Addison protested, "I'm not… he's not…" Addison struggled to explain, "It's Derek," She blurted out.

"Derek?" Naomi was stunned.

"He's Shep's father."

"Well I know that," Naomi exclaimed, "I know we haven't been as close but I have been _around_. I'm not blind, Shep looks just like him –– you thought I didn't know?"

Addison flushed, "I'm sorry I never told you."

"I assumed you were… embarrassed." Naomi laughed a bit, "What's Derek doing here?"

"Meredith left him when she found out about Shep, so he's been here spending time with him. But he's driving me crazy!"

Naomi laughed again, this was the old Addison –– flustered over Derek and having no idea what it was she was really feeling.

"He is there all the time. Shep hasn't gone to bed on time in almost a month!"

"A month!" Naomi sat down on one of the stools, "Derek has been in town for a month!"

"I know!"

"Are you…?"

"What?"

"You know…"

"No! God! Naomi!"

"Well, how was I suppose to know! It happened before!"

"Okay, I am only saying this once and then we are never discussing it again. Shep was not conceived the old fashioned way, he's the product of modern medicine."

"Yeah, and a turkey baster," Naomi quirked an eyebrow. "So what. He's in town and keeping Shep up late."

"Oh, no no no. It's not that simple. He's the perfect father. He reads him stories and teaches him how to use a fishing rod so they can go fishing, he takes him to the beach, they play catch and he carries him on his shoulders when they go for walks on the boardwalk."

"You feel left out."

"No! I hate him because he does all this stuff and be the perfect father, and then I have to deal with the cranky kid who no longer wants to drink regular milk cause Derek always lets him have chocolate and who no longer eats peas because Derek doesn't like them and who wants rocky road ice cream for breakfast because Derek lets him have dessert for every meal!"

Naomi bit back a smile.

"Don't laugh at me," Addison was highly offended, "This is legitimate."

"Of course it is," Naomi pacified her, "I had the same problem with Mya. When Sam and I got divorced it was the exact same thing. Curfew, homework, boys. Dating!"

"Sam wouldn't let Mya date?"

"No, he didn't like when I dated."

Addison smiled, "Well, at least I don't have that problem," she sighed, "Thanks Nae."

"No problem," Naomi slid of her chair, "So Derek's in town? For how long?"

Addison didn't even look at her, "If you hire him, I swear to God, Naomi, I will quit."

XXXX

"I need to talk to you about something?"

"Is that take out?" Addison asked around a bite of bread, "I'm starving."

"Chinese. Where's Christopher?"

"Napping. Gimme," Addison reached for the bag with one hand and a fork with the other –– she was to hungry for plates or chopsticks.

"So, like I said, I need to talk to you about something."

"Mmmhmmm," Addison was focused on getting into her food and wasn't listening to Derek.

"I was offered a job today."

Addison put down her food abruptly, "I'm going to _kill _Naomi. She _promised_ ––"

"No," Derek interrupted with a laugh, "Not Naomi. Charlotte King, she––"

"_Charlotte King_," Addison's eyes narrowed, "Where did you meet her?"

"She was a guest lecturer at the university today. She's the––"

"I know who she is. What job did she offer you?"

"You aren't happy," Derek observed.

"Is it a job at the hospital or at Wellcare?"

"Wellcare. You know it?"

"We would be in the same building." Addison let that idea hang in the air.

Derek was silent, pensive, for a long moment. He watched Addison poke at her food, not eating it, seemingly no longer interested. "It might not be to bad," Derek said slowly, "It would work with my schedule of the university and I'd be close to Christopher."

Addison nodded, "Just a few floors away. You could see him whenever you wanted," she agreed dully.

"This could work for us."

"Yeah," Addison agreed again, her voice still held no emotion.

Derek watched her. There was something she wasn't saying. Something was bothering her. He didn't understand. He couldn't see past the idea that he'd get to see his son everyday, teach –– which he loved –– and practice medicine in a real practice again –– which he was starting to miss. "Addison?"

"What about Meredith?" Addison asked as she finally dared to look up at him.

He didn't have an answer for that.

"You know," Addison pushed the Chinese food carton away, "I'm really not that hungry."

XXXX

Addison opened the door to the practice's communal fridge and placed a large bag of produce on the bottom shelf. She'd had a lull in her morning so she'd grabbed Shep and they'd gone to get groceries for supper. Addison wouldn't admit it, but she was bribing Shep into good behavior with his favorite foods –– they were having pasta with creamy sauce (the pasta was whole wheat and the sauce had spinach) and 'cold little veggies' since her son wouldn't eat vegetation that was cooked or of normal proportions. She needed him to start eating her food again and not expect the BBQed red meat that Derek was always making him.

She checked her watch. She'd work for an hour then take him out for a turkey dog from the vendor across the street. She glanced down the hall in the direction of the office she'd annexed with Violet and turned into a nursery and then a playroom. She'd miss him when he started school and wasn't just down the hall all day.

She didn't like change.

XXXX

Derek exited the elevators and looked around curiously as he sauntered over to the reception area.

"Can I help you?" The bored girl at the desk asked.

"Is Addison Montgomery around?" Derek asked, still looking around.

"Do you have an appointment?" She gave him a suspicious look, he was a man after all and Addison's patients were always women.

"No," Derek finally stopped looking around and gave her a smile, "I just thought I'd stop by and see if she's free for lunch. It's my first day at Wellcare."

The girl's eyes narrowed slightly, "Wellcare? I'll see if she's available."

"It's okay. Hey, what about Sam Bennett? Is he around?"

"_Daddy!_"

Derek turned just in time to scoop his son into his arms, "Hey Buddy."

"Weth goin' ta get turthy dogs!"

"You're going to get turkey dogs," Derek repeated, he had picked up on Addison's habit of repeating everything their son said properly, "That sounds fun. But I was thinking you, me and Mommy could go out and get pizza and ice cream!"

"Ith Cweam!" Shep bounced in his arms.

Derek glanced up at Addison who was approaching slowly, Violet and Naomi on either side of her.

"I heard you were in town," Naomi greeted him cooly –– she took her cue's from Addison, who was clearly bothered by something, probably that Derek was making plans that conflicted with her own.

Derek grinned at her and kissed her cheek, "I wanted to spend more time with Christopher. I'm teaching at UCLA and I just started practice at Wellcare today."

"I heard," Naomi nodded.

"Violet," Derek nodded in her direction.

"Derek."

"What are your and Pete's plans for the weekend? I was thinking we could have a bonfire for Christopher and Hazel before they start school."

"We'll see." Violet smiled tightly but didn't commit.

Derek was unfazed, in fact he didn't even notice, "Alright. Well, Adds, you ready for some lunch?"

"Pitha an' ith cweam," Shep chanted.

Addison looked up from where her eyes had been focused on the carpet. She smiled slightly, "Yeah. Let's go."

XXXX

It had started with lunch that day. He'd shown up and interrupted their usual Monday trip to the hot dog vendor for turkey dogs and snow cones –– it was their thing in the summer. Then he'd tailed them half of the way home from work and pulled into the driveway behind them to surprise them with dinner, more celebration he claimed.

"You are going to love these Addy. I got us the most beautiful steaks."

"Shep and I planned on having pasta and 'cold little veggies'. We went shopping this morning and he picked it out himself."

"Pasta," Derek lifted Shep out of his car seat and winked at him as he puffed out his chest, "We're men. We want _meat _and _potatos_."

"We'th mens," Shep agreed.

"Derek," Addison protested.

He grinned at her, "It's a special day."

"They're _all_ special lately, _Derek_."

"Don't worry. You can make a salad or something. Christopher will get his green's."

Addison shook her head as Derek flung Shep over his shoulder and carried him into her house, she followed a moment later with her bag of now useless groceries.

Then there had been the cake to celebrate. And roasting marshmallows on the BBQ to celebrate. Then extra bedtime stories.

"Derek," Addison hissed from the door to Shep's room, "You _promised_ me."

"This is the last one," he assured her.

"Mummy, canth I have some wather?"

Addison nodded reluctantly, "I'll get you some water, Honey, but this is the last story. It's very late." She glanced at the clock on the wall of Shep's nautical bathroom, _10:02. _She groaned, Shep was wired, he'd be awake until 11 at least.

"Lights out," Addison stepped back into the room and placed his water beside the bed. She leaned over Derek and kissed Shep on the nose, "I love you, Honey. Sleep tight."

"Ith not theepy."

"Daddy is," Addison explained as she turned on his nightlight then stood by his bedroom door –– her hand on the main light switch –– and waited for Derek to say his goodnights.

"This isn't how this works Derek," she spoke as she closed the door to Shep's room.

He didn't reply.

"This isn't working. We had a deal. You provided a service, I raised the resulting child. I am grateful, I really am, for everything that you have done for me and Shep, but I can't do this anymore, you need to back off."

"He's my _son_."

"He's _my_ son."

"Mummy, Ith not theepy."

"Honey, it's only been 2 minutes. Close your eyes and think about the fun things we are going to do tomorrow."

"Arth yous fithing?"

"No, Baby, we aren't fighting. Go back to bed." Shep disappeared back into his room and Addison pointed to her door across the hall and followed Derek in and closed the door behind them.

Derek shook his head, he wasn't ready to let this argument drop, "You've gotten to have him more or less to yourself for the first 4 years of his life, I'm trying to make up for that," he paused, Addison wasn't sure that he wasn't crying, "I'm tired of missing his life. I'm sick of only seeing him every few weeks when you get to see him everyday. You don't even realize how much he changes in a week. You get him all the time Addison. When he was a baby I wouldn't even recognize him when I saw him. He was completely different. He was bigger, he could see further, he was more alert. He didn't like being held the same way, he didn't like the same songs, he wouldn't eat the same foods. I had to get to know him all over again every time I saw him, and I don't want to do that anymore. I don't _have _to do that anymore, because I can be here every day. I'm _going_ to be here every day."

"But––" Addison's heart was no longer in the argument, she felt for him, she wanted to hug him –– a feeling she forced herself to restrain–– "This wasn't the deal Derek. I'm suppose to be doing this on my own."

"I never agreed to that. You said you wanted to have a baby and you wanted me to the father," He nodded in the direction of Shep's bedroom, "Guess what. We have a son, I'm his father, and I'm going to _be_ his father."

]

Addison sighed in defeat and sank down on the edge of her bed, "Fine. But you need to start listening to _me_. What I say goes. We have a routine."

"We might have to make a new routine," Derek replied absently. He was noticing for the first time that they were in her bedroom. He idly wandered over to her dresser and fingered the small bottles of perfume and lotions. Some of them he didn't recognize, things like 'age-defying eye creams', 'wrinkle remover' and 'cellulite cream' were not things he remembered Addison ever having; but the perfumes, Chanel's, Elizabeth Arden's, Elizabeth Taylor's, those he remembered. He picked up one and sniffed it before replacing it.

"You gave me that."

"But you never wear it anymore," he remarked as he searched his brain for any memory of the last 4 years where she'd worn that perfume and he'd noticed.

"It reminds me of you," she said by way of an explanation. "You should go. It's late."

Derek nodded and took one last glance at the perfume, but not at her, and left.

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I feel like Addek are in purgatory.

That's the only way I can describe the thing they have going on right now. But I'm not going to lie, I'm kinda please with how that came out. I was kinda worried that I wasn't going to be able to write this awkward phase of their relationship how I wanted, but I'm reasonably happy with how it turned out.

And in a couple of places I came close to almost having paragraphs. I never have paragraphs. I wish I could write in paragraphs. It's my life goal.

Also, reviews.


	8. Chapter 8

Fail. I am just to busy/lazy to write lately. Like when I have time to devote to writing then I'm to tired and nothing wants to come out. I'm not even capable of writing witty little opening authors notes… although I'm pretty sure that no one reads these anyway.

Hey. Does anyone watch Nurse Jackie? That show is kinda awesome eh.

Oh. Did I mention that my lungs are failing? Not officially. But they hurt. And I have this cough thats not even like a real cough. But like every time I breath through my mouth I cough. I can't even explain what is going on. I'm not even smoking. If I was I would totally blame it on that, but I'm not and I haven't been. At all. So like… FML.

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At first she wasn't sure what woke her up. She yawned and rolled over, trying to get back to sleep, but something was bothering her. She sat up slowly, listening carefully, but she couldn't hear anything out of the ordinary. She padded out into the hall, and instantly knew what woke her up: Shep was crying.

"Shep?" Addison opened his door slowly so as not to startle him. He was still asleep, curled on his side clutching his stuffed sheep. "Honey," she rubbed his back and sat down on the edge of his bed, "It's okay. Shhhhh, Mummy's here. Shhhhhh."

"Mummy," he whimpered in his sleep.

"I'm right here. It's okay," she brushed the tears off his cheeks, "I'm right here."'

His eyes flickered open and he instantly reached for her.

"Hey, hey. Did you have a bad dream?" She picked him up and carried him over to the rocking chair by the window. Shep was still crying, she could feel his tears running down her neck. "Can you tell me about your dream?" She asked as she rocked, "Do you remember what you dreamt about?"

Shep hiccuped and shook his head, he was still crying.

––––––––––––––––––––

_Addison padded across the hall and slowly opened the door to Shep's nursery. "I just fed him," she said with a yawn._

"_I know, but he was crying," Derek sat in the rocking chair by the window and rocked slowly back and forth._

"_It's the middle of the night, you have an early flight."_

"_It's okay," Derek never took his eyes off of his son sleeping in his arms._

_She smiled and turned to go back to bed, "Sometimes babies just cry, Derek."_

"_He should never have to cry when I'm here."_

––––––––––––––––––––

Shep's hiccuping cries slowly subsided and he drifted back to sleep. Addison rocked him for a few more minutes, then picked him up and carried him back to her own room and tucked him into her bed. She wasn't going to sleep the rest of the night.

His nightmares scared her more then they scared him.

XXXX

Addison rubbed her eyes again and put her glasses back on, adjusting them on the bridge of her nose. She was tired, exhausted really. She hadn't slept the night before from the time Shep had his nightmare at 3 until her alarm went off at 6.

"Mummy?"

Addison looked up and grinned, "Hey, buddy," she swiveled her chair and Shep walked around her desk and tried to climb up onto her lap. She helped him and kissed his forehead, "What are you doing here?"

"Was fo' lunth?" he asked as he leaned back against her chest.

"What's for lunch?" Addison pondered that, "I don't know. What do you feel like?"

"I dunno."

"Well. We could go to _Jimmy-John's_ and get fish sticks. Or we could go see what Daddy is doing for lunch? Maybe he'll want _Jimmy-John's_ too."

Shep sighed, "Can-th we-th jus go hometh fo' lunth?"

"You want to go home?" Addison rested her cheek on the top of his head, "I guess, if you want. We could have sandwiches and carrot sticks with dip."

Shep grinned, "Ya."

"You wanna invited Daddy? See if he wants lunch too?"

""Lunch?" Derek leaned against the doorjamb, "I'm starving."

Addison looked down at Shep, his smile was gone and he seemed to be pressing himself closer to her. "Actually I think today it's just going to be the two of us," she kissed Shep again and smiled when he smiled. She shifted Shep back onto the floor and stood, Shep reached for her hand, "Maybe another time." She grinned triumphantly at Derek and picked up her purse, "We'll see you later."

XXXX

This time when she woke up in the middle of the night she knew why.

"Shep? Are you okay?"

"Canth I seep wif you?"

"Yeah. Of course you can sleep with me," Addison shifted over and held up the blankets so he could crawl in, "Did you have another bad dream?"

"Yeth," he whispered.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head.

She played with his hair for a moment.

"Whenth Daddy leafin'?"

"Is that what your dreams are about? Daddy leaving?"

Shep nodded.

Addison sighed. "I don't know, Baby. I don't know."

XXXX

"You look tired," Naomi observed.

"Shep's had nightmares the last two nights. I can't sleep afterwards, it throws me off."

"I'd stay here and sympathize but I have a very important patient coming in."

"Oh ya?"

"War widow wants to use invitro to have a child with her dead husband." Naomi sighed, "She's coming in with her brother and he's––" she brought her hand up to her mouth and bit her knuckle.

"That good?"

"Ohhhh yes."

XXXX

Naomi was right, Addison reflected as she looked out the open door to her office. Naomi's patient's brother was… amazing looking. She leaned further over in her chair and continued to stare. Dark hair, what she imagined to be chocolatey brown eyes, maybe a few freckles just to set off his chisled features and strong jaw.

Not that she was staring.

He glanced over.

Brown eyes. Addison smiled at this newest piece of information.

He smiled back.

Addison turned quickly in her seat. She didn't want to be caught staring at a patient's brother while she was suppose to be working. She doodled a heart in the corner of a paper on her desk. Then she glanced up again.

He smiled.

She blushed and quickly looked away, her cheeks hurt from the smile. She decided not to look up for five minutes.

She looked up after 37 seconds.

He grinned at her, tried to turn his attention back to his sister, but was looking back at Addison seconds later.

Naomi appeared at the door, glared at Addison, and shut the door.

Addison sighed, and went back to work.

XXXX

"Mummy?"

Addison looked up from her work for the fifth time. "Shep, you need to stay in the playroom when Mummy is trying to work."

"Mummy," he began again, "Canth we goeth geth my sthuff for school?"

Addison looked at him over the rims of her glasses, "We are going to get your school things on Saturday with Daddy."

"Canth we jus goeth taday?"

"No. We can't go today. We made plans with your Daddy."

"But––"

"Shep, he's not just going to leave. He might not stay forever, but he's not going to just leave. I _promise_. I won't let him."

"Pwomith?"

"Christopher," Addison said his full name, something she rarely did, "I promise."

XXXX

Addison's mind was racing and not getting anywhere. Again Shep found his way to her office around lunch time –– around the time that Derek usually showed up to take him out to eat –– and asked to go home. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore.

"Naomi!" Addison stood in the doorway to her office and yelled. "Violet!" She hit her palm against the doorframe before returning to her desk. Within 10 seconds Violet and Naomi were in her office and the door was closed and locked behind them. "Shep is having nightmares about Derek leaving. _What_ do I do?"

Naomi and Violet exchanged looks.

"Is he leaving?" Naomi asked, "Didn't Charlotte make him sign a contract?"

Addison stared at her.

"I would have made him sign a contract."

"If he signed a contract," Addison said slowly, "Then he can't leave Shep."

"Or you," Violet pointed out. She was slouched in her chair drinking a smoothie, "What? We're all thinking it."

Addison ignored her, "So I need to find out if he signed a contract."

"Yes," Naomi nodded, "If he signed a contract with Charlotte then he must be planning on staying."

"If he's staying I'd think about laying down some ground rules like I did with Pete."

Naomi and Addison looked at Violet.

"I made rules."

XXXX

Derek rested his hands on his desk and looked around. He didn't have clients that day, so he was going over some papers from his class at the university. He turned in his chair and looked out the window, he had a nice view of the water.

That he couldn't see.

He stood and paced the length of the desk, then paced the floor running adjacent to his desk. He studied the area. He thought the desk would fit, but he needed to run it by Addison, she'd know for sure. He looked up and grinned when she burst through the door to his office. "Hey. You came."

"_I came_?" Addison squared her shoulders and tucked the hair that had fallen out of her ponytail behind her ears.

"I left you a voicemail weeks ago telling you to come and see the new place. Where's Christopher?"

"He's with Janet and Hazel colouring. What are you doing? I mean here. Are you staying? What's going on? It's been 8 weeks, so what –– once you mark those exams then… and this job? What _is_ this? And––"

"Addison!" he interrupted her, "Calm down," he smirked, it had been years since he'd seen her flustered like that.

"_Calm down_? You want me to _calm down_? I need to know what's going on Derek! I need to know if you are going to pack up one day and go back to Meredith! I need to know if you are going to get tired of playing 'Daddy' full time and leave! I need––"

"You think I'm going to _leave?_" Derek was immediately defensive, "_You think after all this I'm just going to get up and leave my son? You think––_"

"_For Meredith_? _You've left us before for Meredith so why––"_

"_I never left him for––"_

"_You've been gone for his entire life, Derek! You––"_

"_I wasn't gone! I was here as much as I––"_

"_But she was more important! She's alway been––"_

"_Is this about Christopher or is this about you?"_

"_You are SO–– How can you even––– THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME!"_

"_ISN'T IT? YOU ARE JUST PISSED OFF THAT I DIDN'T COME RUNNING BACK TO YOU WHEN––"_

"_YOU THINK I CARE! I DON'T CARE! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT DEREK. BUT SHEP IS MY SON––"_

"_HE IS OUR SON!"_

"_HE IS MY SON AND YOU CAN JUST DROP IN AND OUT OF OUR LIVES LIKE––"_

"So it _is_ about you," Derek smirked.

"Okay, You know what? _Screw you Derek_."

"What?"

"_Screw you!_ I don't care about your _life_, or your _marriage_. Just––" Addison flushed, "–– Ugh! Derek! I can't even––" she was panting and pacing and her cheeks and chest were bright red, her eyes dark and flashing, "I can't _think_ when I am around you. You just make me _so_–– _MAD._"

"_Addison––"_

"_SHUT UP! Shut up Shut up Shut up!" _And then she kissed him.

"Ahh––"

"Oh. My. God." Addison backed away from him her hand over her mouth.

"Addison––"

"Ohmygod," Addison bumped into the edge of the desk, stared at him, then bolted for the door.

"Addison!" Derek grabbed her arm as she passed.

"No!" she pulled away, "No."

XXXX

"How'd it go?" Violet asked as Addison stepped off the elevator.

Addison stared at her but didn't reply.

Violet took a hesitant step forward and looked her in the eye, "Should I get Naomi?"

Addison's eyes widened and she walked slowly towards Naomi's office.

Naomi looked up. "You had sex with him."

"No!" Addison exclaimed, finally capable of reacting, "Nothing happened."

"Your lips are swollen and your hair is messed up."

"And you're holding a stapler," Violet pointed out.

Addison stared at the stapler in her hand while gingerly touching her hair which she was sure had been in a ponytail when she entered Derek's office but was now hanging down around her shoulders.

"Why are you holding a stapler?" Violet pressed.

"I think…" Addison considered this carefully. Her mind retraced the moments in Derek's office. She'd kissed him, hard, her fingers curled around his neck. He'd gripped her arms. She'd lost her balance for a moment and taken a step backwards and put an arm out behind her to… to steady herself on the desk which she'd bumped into. She'd picked up the stapler to… "I was moving it out of the way."

"The way of what?"

"Ahhh––" Addison's face flushed. The back of her thighs had hit the edge of the desk and she'd reached out to clear a space behind her. She'd been able to reach the stapler, but when she'd tried to turn a bit more to reach for papers and things that where in the way –– she wasn't letting her mind actively thing about what they needed this space for –– she'd been stopped by Derek's arm, by his arm around her waist keeping her stationary. She closed her eyes.

"So I guess he's staying in town then."

Addison's eyes flew open, "I forgot to ask!"

Naomi shook her head, "Do you ever think with anything other then your sex drive?" She picked up her phone. "Charlotte? It's Naomi. I was wondering if Dr. Derek Shepherd has signed a contract with you. He has. Always a pleasure, Charlotte. Goodbye." She put down the phone, "You see how easy that was? I didn't even smudge my lipstick."

Addison touched her lips carefully.

Violet smirked, "That must have been one hell of a kiss."

Addison grimaced and retreated slowly from the office. It was one hell of a kiss. His hand was on her back, his fingers splayed along her spine. She could feel the hair on his neck prickle under her fingers and his heart racing when her palms silde down his chest. She'd gasped when his hands tugged at the elastic in her hair and her head had tilted back slightly until the elastic slid from her hair.

She stopped short just outside her office.

He'd kissed her back.

She spun around. Violet was just leaving Naomi and heading back to her own work space.

"He kissed me back!" Addison exclaimed, horrified by this realization.

Violet looked intrigued by this revelation, but not in the same way that Addison was, "You're surprised?"

"YES!"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"NO!"

"Then I'm going to go work. It's just a kiss. We're 40. It's sad that we've already devoted this much time to it."

"But––"

"Talk to me when there's nudity."

XXXX

Addison stared at her desktop calendar. She was getting no work done. Which was fine, she didn't usually get much work done. She worked Monday and Tuesday but other then that she took a lot of 5 day weekends where she hung around the office in case something happened. Naomi was really the only one that worked 5 days a week. Plus work had free childcare. When it came right down to it, it was Thursday so Addison didn't feel bad that she wasn't working and had no intention of working. She had more important things to think about.

Things like kissing Derek. Things like him kissing her back. Things like it being the best kiss she had in a long long time, probably in the last decade. Things like how it had been 10 years since she'd had a kiss that good and she couldn't even pinpoint when it was or who it was with, it just seemed to her that it was probably around then. Thinking about how that kiss, which she didn't even remember the specifics of, was a technically good kiss but wasn't the same kind of good kiss that she'd just shared with Derek. Thinking that that kiss was…

"Hi."

Addison looked up, shaken from her thoughts by a knock at her door.

"I'm Jeremy," said the attractive brother-of-Naomi's-patient that Addison had spent most of her morning staring at, "I –– ugh –– this morning I saw you and," he looked down at his shoes and blushed. He glanced up at her and smiled, "Would you like to go out sometime?"

Addison didn't say anything, couldn't say anything.

"Maybe tonight? Some place –– I don't usually do this, ask women out after staring at them for an hour and then… I don't usually hand around women's office buildings hoping they'll leave so I can pretend to bump into them and then give up and come back inside four hours later to ask them out… I don't usually do that. You were just so…"

"Okay," Addison nodded, surprised that the words came out of her mouth, "I can –– we can –– yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes."

"At 7? I can pick you up here or…"

"You can pick me up here. At 7." Addison stood and smiled shyly.

"Okay. I'll see you at 7. Here. At 7."

"At 7… Jeremy."

"7…" He looked at the name plate on her door and rapped on it lightly with a knuckle, "… Addison."

Addison watched him turn and walk away, tilting her head to get a better view. She picked up her phone, "I need a baby sitter tonight. I have a date."

XXXX

"Add––mmm––ow!"

"What?"

"Stick shift."

"Oh."

"We. Could. My. Place…"

"No. I'm. Closer. Baby-sitter. Late. Midnight."

"Car?"

"Don't. Care."

"Me neither," Jeremy pulled away from her and smiled, "I'm going to drive now."

Addison smiled, "Ok." She sighed and picked up her purse from the floor of his car, her lipstick probably needed touching up before she saw the babysitter. Smudged lipstick was exactly the kind of thing that Maya would mention to her mother. Her phone was flashing so she dialed her voicemail.

_Hey Addison. It's Maya. Just wanted to let you know that everything went great with Shep. He went down about 8, Derek got here at 10 and was disappointed that he was already sleeping, but you said 8, so.... Let me know if you need someone to watch him for the weekend._

"Shit."

"What? I turn here?"

"Yeah. The fifth house on the left," Addison cringed, "That was the babysitter. Apparently my ex-husband is there with our son."

"You're divorced?"

"It's fine. It just might be awkward? This has never happened before."

"How long have you been divorced?"

"6 years," Addison sighed, "It's not what you––"

"I thought your son was 4…" He pulled into her driveway and cut the engine.

"He is." Addison sighed, "This is going to be so awkward."

Derek was sitting on the front porch. He watched as Addison got out of the car, then stood when Jeremy did the same. "Where's your car?"

"Work. I'll pick it up in the morning." Addison avoided looking him in the eye. "Thanks for watching Shep."

"No problem," Derek glared at Jeremy. "I needed to talk to you."

"It's going to have to wait."

"It really can't."

"Well, it's going to have too."

Derek didn't move.

"Jeremy, why don't you go inside."

"Addison," Derek hissed and stepped towards her once Jeremy was inside, "Shep's right upstairs."

"I know that Derek. But, he's asleep."

"Do you even know this guy?"

"Derek, I'm here now, you can leave."

"No, I can't."

"Derek!"

"Addison! You can't have sex when our son is asleep across the hall!"

"Good night Derek."

"Addison!"

"Good _night._" Addison walked past him and into her house.

He watched her slam the door.

He heard it lock.

He stood, staring at her through the glass of her front door as she turned out the porch light, and disappeared.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I'm trying to think of incentives to make people review. I can't really think of anything. I thought of maybe like… I dunno.

So, just a thought. Being Cher's date to the ice-capades (how do you spell that? does anyone know?). How awesome would that be? Like what would she be like completely surrounded by all that glitter. Also, I was in the grocery store today and 'If I Could Turn Back Time' came on and I was totally singing along not quietly and wishing that hot sailors would surround me while I skipped.

Review.

And watch Better Off Ted! ( V! )


	9. Chapter 9

For reasons that I don't want to talk about, I've had 'Love Me Tender' stuck in my head for 3 days. I'm trying to get it out by watching a show about conjoined twins on TLC while eating bits and bites. At the same time I'm going to try to edit this chapter, so we'll see how this all works out.

All my people are dead.

Also, this iphone commercial with the 'play songs by Jack Johnson' voice activation thing… why would you tell your phone to do that?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Addison stepped out on her front porch and yawned.

"Late night?"

She jumped, startled, and spun around. "Derek!" she spat, "What are you––"

"Just thought I'd offer to take Shep for breakfast so you could… enjoy your morning."

Addison narrowed her eyes, "That won't be necessary, but thanks."

Derek stood, "I can take him for the evening if you'd like. Or a long weekend."

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Derek," she crossed her arms over her chest, "I just met him yesterday."

Derek exhaled sharply and stood, "Here's your paper." He stepped down off the front porch, "Next time, I'll take Shep for the night. He shouldn't be in the house while you _date_."

"Thanks for the offer Derek, but I made out fine _dating_ before you moved to town. Shep and I have always been just _fine_ without you here."

Derek stared at her for a long moment, then left.

XXXX

"There's a kiddy table," Naomi sat down with her coffee and glanced at Shep and Hazel.

"We have to feed them," Violet drizzled honey on the fruit salad that Hazel and Shep were sharing, "Pete says so."

Addison tucked a napkin into the neck of Shep's shirt and passed another to Violet so she could do the same.

"So what's the emergency?"

Addison sighed, "My date last night––"

"Oh, I'm sorry about Maya. She shouldn't have just let Derek––"

"I brought him home with me."

"Oh. Good for you," Violet congratulated her.

"And Derek––"

"Yeah," Addison took a sip of her coffee, "He was on my porch when I got up this morning and we––"

"Do you think he––"

"If he'd been there all night then he would have seen Jeremy leave. No, he came back. He offered to take Shep for a long weekend." Addison buried her head in her hands, "I''m so stupid, I said I'd just met him the night before."

"Do you always sleep with guys on the first date?"

"Okay," Violet joined the conversation, "You had a date? Last time I talked to you Derek was kissing you against his desk and you stole his stapler. You didn't … with Derek last night?"

"NO! I went out with Jeremy, the hot brother of Naomi's patient, and when we got to my place Derek was there and he forbid me to –– " she glanced at Shep and Hazel, " –– _play doctor_ with him."

"Why?"

"Because Shep was in the house."

Violet snorted.

"So I said that had never been a problem before."

Violet snorted again, "When is the last time you brought someone home?"

Addison flushed and sipped her coffee, "Not the point."

XXXX

"Hazel?"

"Yes?"

"Whath they talkin' abouth? Pway Doctorth?"

"They are talking about sex," Hazel replied and put some more grapes on his side of the bowl, "I'll tell you about it when we get older."

"Ith it bad?"

"No. My parents do it all the time. But it's not allowed until you're older and in a committed relationship 'cause thats how people get babies." She looked at him a long moment, "What's your Dad's wife like?"

Shep shrugged, "She'th prethy, but not prethy as Mummy. Daddy thays she's nice, but she theemed angry to me."

"My Mommy and Daddy said they are getting married before school starts and that he's going to live with us all the time now."

"My Mummy and Daddy fights all the time cauth heth here now," Shep said sadly, "I thinks he-th thould goes back aways wif hith wife."

"I don't want my Mummy to be angry all the time if she's a wife and I don't want them to fight all the time if Daddy lives with us."

"Buth your Mommy and Daddy luff each others a whole lot, my Mummy said. My Mummy and Daddy don't luff each other."

"Will you hold my hand?"

Shep reached over and wrapped his fingers around hers.

"Sometimes I think my Dad will leave forever too."

"Weally?"

"Yeah. I'm scared that he'll decide to go to Africa where all the people are sick and have no medicine and he'll die. Mommy says that's what makes doctors special, they help people, but sometimes that means they are gone for a long time. But that makes him brave because he helps people."

Shep nodded, "Thometimes my Mummy ith gone for a long timeth, but then I get-th to go to yours houth fo theepovers."

She squeezed his hand, "We can't ever be doctors. Okay? And we'll have blueberry pancakes and chocolate milk everyday for breakfast."

"Okay-th."

"Promise?"

"Pwomith."

XXXX

"They're cute."

Addison nodded.

Violet shook her head, "She told me once they were going to get married when they grew up. I kinda think they actually will."

Naomi turned away from the kids and their private whispered conversation, "So was _playing doctor _good?"

"Ugh. Yes. But leave it to Derek to ruin my morning after bliss with––"

"Please. You spent all night thinking about that kiss and how it didn't mean anything because if it had you wouldn't have enjoyed the ––_exam_–– so much."

"It does mean that! If I had feelings for Derek then––"

"So the hottie pressed all the right buttons and in the end gave you a –– _diagnosis_. Means nothing. I can get a _diagnosis_ from a –– _scalpel_ –– but it doesn't mean that I'm not still in love with the handsome doctor. Eventually you're going to need a _second option_ about that _itch_."

"You are suppose to be helping me!"

"I am helping you!" Violet exclaimed, "You just don't want my help! You want me to agree with you! Which is why you invited Naomi!"

Naomi shrugged, "Sex––" Addison glared at her, "_Playing doctor_ is all mental. If you were hung up on Derek then you wouldn't have –– _gotten a diagnosis_ from Jeremy. Your head wouldn't have been in it. I don't think you are hung up on Derek, that's over."

"Thank you," Addison exclaimed in exasperation.

"I have to go," Naomi stood, "Patient." She bent over and hugged Addison, "Love you. Let me know when he calls."

Addison and Violet watched Naomi walk away.

"You spent the whole night thinking about Derek didn't you?"

Addison glared, "Maybe."

"I knew it."

"I hate you."

XXXX

_Inter-office messaging service_

_AMontgomery: Should I call him?_

_VTurner: Why would you do that?_

_AMontgomery: Can you come over?_

_VTurner: No. It's only 9am. We've been in the office for 7 minutes. _

_AMontgomery: So._

_VTurner: Naomi will yell at me. Pretend to work for awhile, I'll come over later._

_AMontgomery: Fine, but when you get here we are talking about you and Pete getting married._

_VTurner: HE TOLD YOU?_

_AMontgomery: Shep told me. _

_VTurner: Hazel is such a gossip, she gets that from you._

_______

_AMontgomery: Should I call him?_

_NBennett: Anxious? I'm not sure, what time did he leave this morning? Did he spend the night?_

_AMontgomery: Oh. Um. He left around 1:30._

_NBennett: Give him until lunch to call. It was that amazing?_

_AMontgomery: It was pretty spectacular. I've got to go. Work._

_______

_AMontgomery: Just so we are on the same page, I'm talking about Derek._

_VTurner: I know. Who else would we be talking about?_

_AMontgomery: Jeremy._

_______

_NBennett: Addison just asked me if she should call her date from last night. Isn't she cute?_

_VTurner: Adorable._

_______

_VTurner: Stop asking Naomi for advice! And why would you call Jeremy?_

_AMontgomery: Because we had sex! Because there is etiquette. And I never wanted to call him in the first place. Naomi just thought that's who I wanted to call._

_VTurner: Well, I thought you had sex with Derek, so if you are going to call anyone, call him._

_AMontgomery: What do I say to him?_

_AMontgomery: Violet?_

_______

"Hey," Violet slipped in the door of her office, "You realize he's jealous, right?"

"Derek?"

"Yes. Who ever you end up with is going to be Shep's stepfather. He's jealous of that. And he kissed you yesterday and then you invited another man to spend the night. That was suppose to be his invitation. Why do you think he was standing on your doorstep when you got home?"

"Derek doesn't want to have sex with me. I kissed him. He was just being polite."

"Polite? Thrusting his tongue into your mouth is considered polite? What part of Connecticut did you grow up in? He wants you."

"He doesn't. That part of our… relationship is over. He doesn't look at me like that anymore."

Violet watched Addison for a moment. She smiled then shrugged, "Okay. But do you think he would have had a problem with you having sex in the house with Shep around if you'd been having sex with him and not this Jeremy guy?"

"That's ridiculous."

"Hey Pete?" Violet called over her shoulder. It was unclear how she knew he was nearby.

"Yeah?"

"Do you have a problem having sex with me when Hazel's in the house?"

"No."

"Even though her room shares a wall with ours?"

"No."

"What if we were divorced and I'm having sex with…?"

"Jeremy," Addison said tightly.

"I'm having sex with Jeremy."

"With Hazel in the house? I don't like it."

"What's the difference?"

"I'm her father."

"So."

"It's different. We're a family. Who's Jeremy?"

XXXX

Moving his desk so he could see the water was a good decision Derek decided. It was calming and peaceful and took his mind off of the other things going on in his life. Not that there was anything else going on in his life. He had just felt a suddenly burst of energy when he arrived at the office that morning and instead of calling maintenance he'd called Sam and they'd moved his desk themselves. He wasn't bothered by the conversation that he'd just had with Addison on her porch, and he wasn't trying to push away thoughts of the fact that he'd kissed her against that desk 18 hours ago. None of that had to do with why he moved he desk. He just enjoyed the view.

"Dr. Shepherd, your 10 o'clock is here."

Derek pressed the button to call the outside office, "I don't have a 10 o'clock."

"She insisted."

"Bring me the file and I can see her at 10:30."

"She says she has everything you need and it can be discussed during her appointment."

Derek sighed, "Send her in." He closed his laptop and searched through his papers for a notepad and a pen.

The door opened.

He looked up.

"Hello, Derek."

XXXX

_AMontgomery: What do I do if he calls?_

_VTurner: Derek?_

_AMontgomery: No. Jeremy._

_VTurner: Maybe he won't._

_AMontgomery: I don't know how to say this, but Violet… he's going to call._

_VTurner: Humble._

_AMontomgery: I need HELP. I am so distracted I can't even pretend to work. I haven't done anything! I lost at solitaire 13 times._

_VTurner: You realize that Naomi can access this conversation right?_

_AMontgomery: Really? Hold on._

______

_AMontgomery:Can you change Violet's name on this?_

_NBennett: Her name?_

_AMongomery: Change it to VWilder_

_NBennett: Why?_

_AMontgomery: I want to mess with her head._

_NBennett: Done._

_AMontgomery: They're engaged._

_______

_AMontgomery: Back._

_VWilder: Did he call?_

_VWilder: HEY._

_______

_VWilder: Change my name back!_

_NBennett: You're engaged._

_VWilder: Yes. How is that shocking?_

_NBennett: Violet! I'm so happy for you!_

_VWilder: Change her name to Shepherd._

_NBennett: No._

_VWilder: I'll let you plan the Bachelorette. _

_______

_AShepherd: He's calling what do I do?_

_VWilder: Answer._

_______

"Hello?"

"Addison, hi."

"Jeremy," Addison forced a smile.

"So, I, ahhh, I had a good time last night."

"Me too."

"Really good."

"It was a really good night."

"Can I take you out to lunch?"

Addison panicked, "Today? I can't. I have a meeting," her faced contorted as she invented an excuse.

"Oh," Jeremy sighed, "Well, I wanted to say this in person, but I think it's something we should maybe talk about before––"

"Okay…"

"I really like you Addison––"

"You're married."

"No. No," Jeremy laughed, "No. I'm being deployed in 2 weeks."

"Oh," Addison breathed a sigh of relief, "To where?"

"Overseas. Not sure yet. 8 month tour of duty."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"So…" Addison ran a hand through her hair and leaned back in her chair.

"But I'd like to see you while I'm still here."

Addison hesitated, "I'd like that too."

"How about tonight?"

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Okay,"

"Goodbye, Addison."

"Bye."

_____

_AShepherd: We're going out tonight._

_VWilder: Why?_

_AShepherd: It's only for 2 weeks, then he's shipping out. I can do 2 weeks._

_VWilder: That's going to kill Derek._

_AShepherd: I wasn't even thinking about that._

_VWilder: Sure you weren't._

_AShepherd: I wasn't._

_VWilder: Addison? Don't you notice anything unusual about this conversation?_

_AShepherd: No._

_VWilder: Read it._

_AShepherd: ?_

_VWilder: I can't deal with you._

_VWilder: Lunch?_

_AShepherd: It's 10:45._

_AShepherd: I'll let Janet know we are coming for the kids._

_______

_AShepherd: Janet, could you have the kids ready in about 15 minutes? We are going to take them out for lunch._

_JBrookes: Dr. Montgomery?_

_AShepherd: Yes?_

_JBrookes: Sorry. I was confused by the name. was here about 20 minutes ago and took Shep down to his office. I'll get Hazel ready._

XXXX

Derek paused outside the door to his office.

"This ith where you works?" Shep asked as he looked around.

"Well, my office isn't as big as Mom's." Derek smiled at him, "Christopher––" The door to his office opened suddenly, forcing him to take a step back.

"Derek––" She paused, "Oh." She looked from Derek to Shep, "Ohhh." She knelt down, "Hello. Hello," her voice cracked, "I'm Carolyn."

Shep looked up at Derek.

"This is your grandmother," Derek told him softly.

Carolyn remained kneeling on the floor, "Derek, he looks just like you," she said in awe.

"That's what I hear."

"He looks just like your father," Carolyn reached out and gently touched Shep's hair.

"Mummy thays Ith just like Daddy, thept I'm thmart like her."

Carolyn looked up at Derek.

"His mother says he's just like me, but he's smart like her," Derek ran his fingers through Shep's hair, "Christopher has a bit of a lisp. We're working on it."

"Christopher," Carolyn repeated, "Christopher. How old are you Christopher?"

"Four."

"Four," She repeated with a raised eyebrow at Derek.

"Ok. Ok," Derek ushered them into his office.

"Four, Derek?"

"I should be getting Christopher back to his mother, and I have work to do."

Carolyn gave him a look, "Christopher and I are going to colour. Do you have things to colour with? Dad?"

Derek sighed and produced the paper and crayons that he had bought for Shep earlier in the week. He watched them apprehensively as they started to colour, Carolyn watching Shep more then her own work.

"What are you drawing Christopher?"

"Mmmm," Shep tilted his head to the side, Derek was sure that his mother was going to pick up on that mannerism of Addison's.

"Who is that?"

"Dat's Hazel. She'th my friend. And dat's Daddy. And Mommy."

Carolyn studied the drawing of Christopher's mother.

Derek leaned over the table and examined it himself. Lately Addison had been growing her hair out, it now hung past her shoulders again. And it was redder. Not the red that Derek remember, and preferred, but it was more red then brown now. However, it seemed, that in Shep's mind she still had short dark hair, and that's how he'd drawn her.

"Your Mommy is very pretty."

Shep nodded in agreement.

"What's her name?"

Shep glanced at his father.

Derek could see the wheel's turning in his son's head.

"Athy."

"Cathy?"

Shep shook his head, "Athy."

"Ashley?" Carolyn glared at Derek with a look that plainly said, 'You cheated on your wife with an Ashley?'

Derek smirked. She'd prefer an Ashley to Addison any day. And he knew that's what she wanted to know: 'Was Addison the mother of his child?'

She seemed to have decided that she wasn't. "Christopher? How about we go downstairs and get some ice cream. I think your Daddy needs to do a little work."

Shep looked at Derek.

Derek nodded, "Not long though, I need to take him back to his mother."

Minutes later Derek was reclining peacefully behind his desk. The nausea that had been rolling in his stomach since his mother's unexpected arrival was finally dissipating.

"DEREK!" The door flew open, slamming into the wall and shaking the glass inset. Addison flew into the room in a whirlwind of fury, "YOU CANNOT JUST STEAL MY SON!"

"Addison––"

"_You can't just take him! I was worried SICK!"_

"Janet knew where I was taking him. You were working."

"_You don't just TAKE someone's KID!"_

"Addison. Calm down."

Addison glared at him.

Derek stood and walked around his desk and leaned against it a few feet away from her.

"Where is he?"

"He's downstairs getting some ice cream." He crossed his arms.

"You should have told me you were taking him."

"You were working."

"You're avoiding me!"

"I am not!"

"You are!"

"I am not. In fact I wanted to talk to you, we have somethings we have to work out."

"Like what?" She demanded sharply.

"Like letting me take Shep on the nights when you have dates."

"No."

"No?"

"No. _You_ just want to keep tabs on me, and that's none of_ your_ business."

"He's my _son._"

"You're acting petulant. Are you mad at me?"

"Why would I––"

"I date Derek."

"I'm aware. Yesterday we were––"

"Derek," Addison cringed, "This is _why _–– This is why I moved away. It's –– it's weird, Derek," she whined suddenly, "I don't like you knowing who I'm sleeping with."

"Like Karev?"

Addison froze then slowly buried her face in her hands, a small sound of embarrassment issuing from the back of her throat, "Yes."

"Was it really easier when I wasn't here?" Derek cleared his throat, "You didn't–– because of what happened yesterday? With us? Not that–– I kissed you, and–––"

"No. No.––"

"I went over to talk to you Addison, and you had this _man._ That's not even like you––"

"How do you know what I'm like?"

"We were together for 13 years."

"And we got divorced because we didn't know each other anymore."

"That's not why we separated."

"I didn't say separated. I said that's why we divorced."

"No," Derek shook his head and turned towards her, "That's not why."

"Then why, Derek?" she demanded.

Derek stared at her intently as he tried to put his thoughts into words.

She looked away, tears suddenly springing to her eyes and she wasn't sure why.

"Addison," he said her name softly as her lower lip started to tremble. "I'm sorry."

"Fine. Whatever. I'm not even sure why I'm–– I'm fine," she wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.

"Addison. I'm sorry," he repeated. He took her hand and squeezed it gently until she looked up at him. Their eyes met and his fingers wrapped tighter around hers. She watched him, her eyes darting back and forth, following his every miniscule move.

"Then why?"

"I don't know. I don't know…"

This time he kissed her. His lips lightly touched the corner of her mouth then gently brushed against her lower lip. Her fingers instinctively tightened around his and her face tilted towards his when his finger tips traced her jaw before his lips purposely claimed her top lip.

"Mummy!"

Addison immediately stepped away from Derek, her hand self-consciously covering her mouth as Shep wrapped his arms around her legs.

"Newth Gamma goth me ith ceem!"

Addison stared at the chocolate ice cream covering his face and the front of his shirt.

"New Grandma?"

Derek cleared his throat and slowly moved his hand from where it had still been resting on Addison's back –– but not before noticing his mother standing in the doorway.

"Addison."

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Ha. There is a commercial for Teen Midol on. 'It's hard to watch your daughter deal with period cramps' the _daughter_ they are showing on this commercial looks like 17. Pretty sure a 17 year old can deal with her own period cramps and doesn't need her Mom standing next to her supervising why she takes a pill.

So it's apology time, I was going to put this at the beginning but I forgot, I'm sorry. I suck at updating. Don't we all miss the days when I was in school and way busier but I had more things that I wanted to procrastinate from? I updated more then. I want to write more, but I'm going to bed before midnight now and I think we all know that my prime writing time was always between 2 and 4am. Now if I'm up at 4am it's cause I'm WASTED.

So review. Start a dialogue. Tell me one thing that you'd LOVE to see happen next. OR try to guess my favorite line. I smile every time I read it.


	10. Chapter 10

I meant to post yesterday, but then I went to Hooters. No joke. I've never been there before on account of this being the only one east of Montreal. Anyway, I kinda loved it. Not even ironically. The food is really good and our waitress was really nice. I'm going to have cravings for deep-fried pickles now. But by the end of the night I was so full I thought I was going to be sick. Between 5 and 10 we went to a candy store and bought big bags of candy, went to Hooters and got onion rings, 2 orders of the pickles, mozza sticks and a huge plate of chili cheese fries, then we went out for sushi, so glad that I didn't drink that day. Could you imagine all that coming up again?

You don't care about that do you? You just care about the story.

Fine.

Read it.

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"Addison."

"Carolyn," Addison squeaked then swallowed hard. "Hi."

"Derek," Carolyn looked at her son.

"Mom," Derek ran his fingers through his hair, "Addison is," he took a deep breath, "Addison is Christopher's mother." He smiled weakly at Addison standing there, staring at the top of Shep's head as she held him close to her and avoided looking elsewhere.

"I see that Derek," Carolyn replied tightly.

Addison glanced first at Derek then at Carolyn, but looked away when she saw the hard glare directed at her.

"Mummy, canth Gamma come to our houth fo' thupper?"

"Supper? At our house?" Addison panicked. She knelt down beside Shep and pressed her palms gently against his cheeks, "How about you spend the whole night with Daddy and Gramma tonight? Won't that be fun?"

"Day theep over?"

"No, they won't sleep over, you'll stay at Daddy's new house. You've been wanting to do that haven't you?"

Shep nodded hesitantly.

"Is that okay with you?" Addison glanced up at Derek.

"We can all go out to dinner," Derek looked over at his mother, "Somewhere neutral."

Addison stood, "I have plans tonight."

Derek shoulders stiffened and he turned to walk around his desk once more, not looking up at Addison, "Then I'll take Christopher for the night and bring him into work with me in the morning."

"I'll get his things together this afternoon," Addison replied formally, "I'll call to say goodnight."

"Bedtime is at 8," Derek acknowledged, "Call around 7:30, that shouldn't disrupt your evening to much."

"Fine," Addison stared in vain at the top of Derek's head hoping he'd look up at her, "I'll drop him off at the end of the day." She reached for Shep's hand, "Come on, Shep. Hazel's waiting for us to go to lunch."

"Shep?" Carolyn asked once the door was closed and Addison and Shep were long gone.

"That's her pet name for Christopher. His middle name is Shepherd. Actually, most people call him Shep."

Carolyn swallowed hard and shook her head with an audible sigh, "Derek, I don't even know what to say to you. Addison? What would possess you too––"

"Don't," he interupted harshly, "Don't. He's my son, it doesn't matter how he got here. Okay?"

"Fine," Carolyn sat down on the couch, "For now. But, we're talking about this Derek. Before I leave."

"And when will that be?" Derek asked dryly.

Carolyn smiled, "I haven't decided yet."

XXXX

"Derek's mother is here."

"Did she know about Shep?" Violet asked as she loaded up Hazel's veggie/tofu dog with mustard and relish.

"She didn't know about _me_."

"Ah."

Addison sighed, "I should have anticipated this. Somehow when I asked Derek to father my son I failed to consider his mother finding out."

"The first time I met Pete's mother I was 7 month's pregnant. She sat me down and told me about the tradition of naming children after a favorite relative and she thought it would a nice gesture to name my baby after Pete's aunt Mildred, said we could call her Milly."

"She hates me. She's always hated me. I mean the adultery was fair, I deserved that, but she just never liked me," Addison looked at Violet, a bit of the old hurt starting to seep into her eyes, "And now I'm the mother of her only son's only child, "Oh, god," she covered her mouth with her hand, "He doesn't even have Derek's name, he has my name. He can't even carry on the Shepherd name! I have nothing! No defense!"

"You need to calm down. Eat your unidentifiable pig parts."

Addison took a large bite, "I should have stuck to the plan," she said carefully around her food, "When we were first dating we were going to do it the other way around, Montgomery Shepherd. I should have just done that and then she'd like me."

"No, she wouldn't."

"No, she wouldn't," Addison agreed, "Oh and he kissed me again. So clearly… you know… i hate my life."

"You two," Violet turned both kids away and gave them a little push, "Go away. Go… play. He kissed you." she stated once the kids were gone.

"All him. I may have been the kisser yesterday but today I was the kissee."

"Interesting."

"And I'm going out with Jeremy again tonight."

"How does your life get so complicated before noon?"

"I don't know," Addison sighed, "Karma?"

XXXX

"His toothbrush is in the front pocket," Addison instructed, "Make sure he brushes for at least 2 minutes. And make sure he says his prayers. And––"

"I've put him to bed before," Derek swung the small bookbag over his shoulder and picked up Shep's hand, "Come on little man, lets go get something to eat."

"Wif Gamma!"

"Yes. With Gramma. Say 'goodbye' to Mom."

"Bye Mummy," Shep launched himself at his mother and was instantly wrapped in her arms.

"Bye Honey," she held him tight, "Be good for Daddy." She puckered her lips and Shep kissed her, "I love you."

"Bye Mummy," Shep waved to his mother over his shoulder as Derek once again took his hand and pulled him away.

"Gamma leth me geth da weally big ith cweam."

"The really big ice cream?"

"Yeah, it was like…" Shep held his hands far apart, "Dis big. An she says dat I haf cousins an' dat I canth go sees dem at Kismas."

"She's planned Christmas? Mom will be happy to hear that."

"Where'th we goin' for thupper?"

"I dunno, we need to grab Grandma from my office and then we can decide."

"No, need. I'm all ready," Carolyn greeted them.

"Gamma," Shep threw himself at her, "Mummy thays dat I can thpend the whooole night wif you an' Daddy."

"And we'll have lots of fun," Carolyn agreed as the walked across the parking lot to Derek's car.

Derek opened the back door, "Into your seat buddy."

"Dere's Mummy," Shep pointed as he climbed into his car seat.

Derek looked over the roofs of parked cars until he spotted Addison smiling at her date from the night before, then climbing into the front seat of her own car.

"Who's dat?"

"That's Mummy's friend," Derek replied, dragging his eyes away from his ex-wife. "You all buckled up?"

"Addison has a boyfriend?" Carolyn asked sweetly.

"She met him yesterday," Derek grumbled, "Let's go."

If Carolyn noticed that he followed Addison's car out of the parking lot, two cars behind her, she didn't say anything. And if Derek was purposely following Addison deep into downtown Los Angeles, he would never admit it.

They circled the same block two or three times before Derek pulled into an empty parking space. "Italian?"

XXXX

"You've never been to New York City?" Addison asked amazement.

"Nope. Born and raised in Texas, and I've either been overseas or living here in LA."

"But you have to go to New York," Addison was scandalized, "It's the most amazing… how can you have never been to New York?"

Jeremy laughed, "If you love it so much why aren't you living here?"

Addison looked down at her plate and smiled softly, "I needed a change."

"How long have you been in LA?"

"Almost six years. Since my divorce."

Jeremy nodded.

"Dat's her. Daddy. Mummy'th right there!"

Addison turned in confusion. She could hear Shep but she couldn't ––

"Mummy!"

"Hey, Sweetie," Addison looked around as she put an arm around Shep, "What are you doing here?"

"We's havin' thupper."

"I see," Addison glanced around again and finally spotted Derek, who had the good grace to look sheepish and ashamed, "Shep, this is my friend Jeremy."

Shep suddenly became shy.

"Do you know what Jeremy does? He rides on really big boats all around the world."

"Weally?"

"Really," Jeremy confirmed, "If it's okay with your Mom, the three of us can go see one some time."

"Cool," Shep breathed, his eye shining.

"Go back and finish your supper," Addison instructed, "I'll call you before you go to sleep."

"'Kay. Bye Mummy." Shep darted off.

Addison watched him go then turned back to Jeremy, "Sorry."

"No. He's a cute kid."

"You didn't have to promise him that, it was incredibly nice of you."

"Well, I'm trying to score points with his mom."

Addison smiled coyly, "Mission Accomplished."

XXXX

"Derek," Carolyn began the moment they stepped into Derek's apartment.

"Someone needs a bath," Derek pointedly ignored his mother and flipped Shep upside down in his arms.

"Ugh, Daddy, don't," Shep whined without his usual enthusiasm.

"You are covered in ice cream," Derek teased and tickled Shep's side, "And guess what? I bought a big boat for you. Just for bath time when you stay with me."

"Daddy, puth me down," Shep whined and squirmed.

"Hey," Derek patted his back, "What's wrong up there?"

"I don'th feels good."

Derek carefully set him on the floor and carefully looked him over, "What doesn't feel good," he asked as he felt Shep's forehead for a fever.

"My tummy," Shep pouted as tears sprung to his eyes, "I want Mummy."

XXXX

"You're calling her," Carolyn stated more then asked as Derek left Shep's room.

"Of course I'm calling her, he's sick."

"He just had to much sugar, my fault, but he'll be fine in a few hours."

"But he's not fine right now," Derek protested, reaching for the phone, "Right now he's not feeling well and he wants Addison. He wants his own bed in his own room, he's never spent the night here before and I'd rather his first memories of being here weren't of being miserable and wanting to go home."

Carolyn shook her head, "You're searching Derek. You just want an excuse to interrupt her date."

Derek hesitated, gripped the phone tighter, and squared his jaw. "No, he's feeling sick. I'm calling her."

XXXX

"I'm sorry," Derek spoke as soon as he answered the door, "I'm so sorry, but he was just miserable. He cried through his whole bath."

Addison's face softened, "He loves playing in the tub. Where is he?"

"He's in his room, he just drifted off," Derek rested his hand on the doorknob to Shep's bedroom.

"You can probably go back to your date," Carolyn spoke from the doorway off the kitchen.

"Mom," Derek warned.

"It's fine, we rescheduled," Addison lowered her voice as Derek pushed open the door to the bedroom.

Addison stepped cautiously into the room, not even pausing to take in the decor of the room Derek had decorated for their son. She sat down on the edge of the bed and pressed her palm gently to his forehead to check for a fever–– he was cool and peaceful.

"I think," Derek whispered, "It was just to much sugar and excitement."

Addison nodded and leaned over to kiss Shep's cheek.

"I can take him home if you want."

Addison shook her head, "No. It's okay." Without so much as a second glance at Derek, Addison carefully crawled over Shep and stretched out beside him. She lay her head down on his pillow and rubbed small circles on his stomach.

Derek watched them for a moment, then took a seat in the armchair in the corner.

Addison fell asleep almost immediately.

Derek watched them for another long moment, then stood and approached the edge of the bed. He gently wrapped his fingers around her ankle and carefully slipped off her shoes and placed them upright beside the bed, then reached for the blanket folded at the end of the bed and covered her. He sat down on the edge of the bed, still watching them sleep. He couldn't bring himself to leave.

With an audible sigh Derek tore himself away and stood. When he turned around his mother was standing in the doorway watching. Derek sighed again and walked towards her, backing her out of the room and closing the door firmly behind him. He barely glanced at his mother before walking past her silently.

"Derek," her tone stopped him in his tracks, "When did you fall in love with her again?"

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Can I tell you a secret?

I have no idea how to end this fic.

This fic makes me long for the simplicity of BBYL… I feel that they need to be happy in this fic, I didn't feel that way about BBYL. I mean, I ended it so it seemed like they were happy, but in my head it continued and wasn't happy. Which is why you need to be grateful that I stopped writing it and wrote this instead.

Review.

Oh, and Kitten won.

So, Review.


	11. Chapter 11

So I've been really busy and out of town on weekends which is my prime writing time, so this took some doing. Finally me and Sarah just had to sit down and force ourselves to finish chapters so that we could move on with our lives.

Really you guys are just lucky that you didn't get a chapter about table settings and centerpieces cause that is my life.

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––––––––––

5 years ago

––––––––––

"_Are you going to see Addison while you're in LA?" Meredith asked as she stuffed a pair of socks into the side compartment of Derek's overnight bag._

"_No," Derek shrugged, "Probably not."_

"_You should."_

"_You think?"_

"_Well if this job interview goes well then you're going to be in LA every few weeks, you should make contact with her."_

"_If I take it," Derek sat down on the end of the bed, "I don't think I'm cut out to teach. Lectures, grading papers –– I can't teach."_

"_You taught me," Meredith teased._

"_Well, you're exceptional."_

"_Oh," Meredith laughed, "I am, am I?"_

"_You are," Derek smiled and reached for her, "Very exceptional, Dr. Shepherd."_

"_Getting ahead of yourself," she pulled away, "We aren't getting married for another 6 months."_

"_I know people other then Addison in LA."_

"_People that are friends with Addison," Meredith looked at him pointedly, "Things were awkward with Addison the last time that you saw her."_

_Derek looked away._

"_I think you should see her, but it's up to you," Meredith picked up his travel bag, "Just let me know what you decide."_

–––––

"_Hello?"_

"_Hi."_

"_Hi…"_

"_It's Derek."_

"_Oh. Hi."_

"_How are you."_

_There was a long silence on the line._

"_Addison?"_

"_I'm really really good, Derek."_

"_So you're…" _

"_Getting a little uncomfortable now that the weather is starting to change, but I'm okay."_

"_Everything's going good with the baby?"_

"_Yes, everything is fine with the baby. It's a––"_

"_Don't tell me!"_

_Addison laughed, "I won't tell you, but the baby is fine."_

"_Good. Good." He took a deep breath, "Listen, I'm going to be in town for the day––"_

"_Interviewing for the––"_

"_Yeah, anyway, I'd like to see you."_

_Addison was taken aback, "You… you do?"_

"_Yes."_

"_I," Addison paused, "I don't know if I want you to see me like this." When Derek didn't reply she continued, "I'm just… I'm really pregnant. And hormonal. And I'm not sure how seeing you right now would make me feel."_

"_How about just coffee… or juice," he amended, "If it's weird for either one of us, I'll –– I think it will be fine, but if it's not, I'll –– but it's going to be fine."_

"_Really?" Addison asked uncertainly._

"_I'd like to see the baby after it's born and I don't think it will be any easier then."_

"_You want to see the baby?"_

"_Of course. But, right now I'd settle for seeing you."_

"_There's a lot of me to see," Addison laughed, "Okay. Okay, fine."_

–––––

_Derek was nervous. He changed his outfit twice before he met her –– once because he was wearing something she'd bought him and he knew she'd notice and maybe read something into it, and once because he was wearing something he knew she'd hate. _

_He got to the outside cafe early and ducked into the restroom. He combed his fingers through his hair and made sure that his shirt was crisp and tucked in. Then there was nothing else to do but to go outside and wait for her._

–––––

_His breath caught in his throat and his heart stopped the moment that he saw Addison walking towards him. The sun was behind her, her hair glowing and darkening her silhouette. He couldn't drag his eyes from her face, her features were soft and calm and she exuded contentment._

_It wasn't until she was standing directly in front of him that he noticed her stomach. He had to stop himself from reaching out to touch her. He wanted to run his hands all over her stomach, he wanted to feel his child moving inside her. He wanted to tease her about her outie-belly button._

_He felt drawn to her in a way that he'd never felt before. It wasn't a physical attraction, it wasn't sexual, it wasn't even emotional. He felt that together they were doing something wonderful. Something important. Something that was bigger then both of them, but something that they could have only done together. Something they were meant to do together._

XXXX

Derek stood at the window and looked out over the harbour.

"Meredith is good for you."

He didn't reply.

"You had a real life with her."

"Why can't you just get along with Addison?" He asked. He was tired of asking it. "She's a good person, and you never even tried to like her."

"She's a nice girl Derek, but she's not what you need."

"And what do I need?" Derek asked dryly.

"Someone to come home to at the end of the day. Someone to take care of you. You need a wife that has priorities other then her career. Someone that cares about what you want. I like Addison, she's very pretty and very smart, but it was all about her. Her career, when she wanted to get married, when she was ready to have children. What about you, Derek?"

"What about me? I wanted to be a teach high school science. _You_ wanted me to be a doctor!"

"You're so talented Derek. I don't want to see you waste that. I want you to be with someone that will support you."

"You wanted me to be with someone that wouldn't get in my way."

"No––"

"Her career was important to me too!"

"But you sacrificed––"

"We both did. Okay. We both made sacrifices. She was offered a residency in Europe, and if we'd gone we probably would have been able to have children sooner, but I'd gotten an offer the New York, my _first choice_, so she stayed and accepted her _third_ choice, and it took us 18 years to finally have Christopher. We both made sacrifices."

"She outshone you."

"I don't care," Derek rubbed his hand over his eyes, "I'm proud of her."

"I wanted––"

"It doesn't matter what you want, Mom! You can influence what classes I took and what career path I take, but it's not up to you who I fall in love with. _I fell in love with her_!"

Carolyn crossed her arms, very much like her son, "She doesn't deserve you. You are a good man, Derek. You are kind and compassionate and you are a good father to that little boy, but she was never the kind of wife you deserved to have."

"She was the wife that I wanted." Derek turned his back on his mother, staring out at the water again.

Carolyn shook her head and sat down in the closest chair. She rested her elbow against the armrest and pressed her forehead against her palm. "You were so happy with Meredith," she said finally, after almost ten minutes of silence.

"I don't expect you to understand," Derek squared his shoulders, "My marriage to Meredith was like you and Dad, loving but nothing earth shattering. Strong but not passionate. Marriages that are measured by watches and cheesecake and standing on the front lawn with a boom box."

"And what do you have with Addison?" She asked skeptically.

"I don't know. Not that. I'd give up the watch that she gave me in a heartbeat if it meant I could go home at the end of the night. I don't consider sharing dessert a sign of devotion. And Addison pisses me off on a daily basis, and sometimes I don't even really like her –– but I'll help her have a test tube baby because it just seems right that there be children that are half her and half me. I want us to have grandchildren. We shouldn't stop with just us."

"Then I guess I'll be leaving in the morning."

"I guess you will."

XXXX

Addison lay in bed, Shep breathing evenly beside her. She hadn't been completely asleep when Derek had left the room and she couldn't help but hear Carolyn ask when he'd fallen in love with her –– unfortunately she wasn't able to hear his answer.

But, it made her think. Her feelings for him had definitely changed before they had Shep –– she wouldn't have asked him to be Shep's father if she'd been in love with him, she wasn't that self-destructive. She loved him, but she hadn't been in love with him.

Then.

––––––

"_Can you pass me the phone," Addison asked calmly._

_The young nurse at her side smiled and nodded._

_Addison took a deep cleansing breath and dialed._

"_Hello?"_

"_Derek? It's Addison."_

"_Hey. What's going on?" He asked easily._

"_I'm in labour," she answered calmly, "If you're at work you should keep your cell with you."_

_Derek was silent –– stunned._

_Addison winced at the first twinges of another contraction, "It will probably be sometime this afternoon."_

"_It's to early," Derek breath, fear tinging his voice._

"_3 weeks, it's fine," Addison closed her eyes and began to slow her breathing._

"_I'm in San Diego," Derek said suddenly, "I can be there in 2 hours."_

"_It's Saturday afternoon," she whimpered and sucked air in sharply, her whole body tensing and curling into itself. She dropped the phone and cried out. _

"_3 hours!" Derek promised, hoping she could hear him._

"_What?" she choked out breathlessly as she forced herself to pick up the phone and keep it pressed to her ear._

"_I can be there in 3 hours if you want me there."_

_Addison gritted her teeth as the entire mid-section of her body attempted to squeeze into itself. "Yes. Come!"_

–––––

_When push came to shove –– literally –– Addison forgot everything about her birth plan. She forgot the scented relaxation candles around the room, she forgot the soothing music, she forgot the death grip she had on Derek's hand because at the last minute she'd remembered all the horror stories she'd seen and heard and decided not to have the epidural. _

_All she knew was pain. Her legs had charlie horses from tensing during contractions, her eyes burned and her head throbbed from the tears she'd been shedding continuously for hours now, and skin across her stomach was painfully stretched. Her spine felt as if it was trying to bend itself towards her navel, her insides were knotted and twisted and squeezing together, but that all paled in comparison to the burning between her legs as her skin stretched and tore._

_She was vaguely aware of the doctors voice from somewhere down around her feet, "Dad, do you want to cut the umbilical cord?"_

_A solid weight was placed on her chest and her hands came up instinctively to hold it against her. She opened her eyes and stared at her son, all 9 pounds of him. His head was squished and misshapen from birth, his skin was wrinkled and bright red, he was covered in blood and amnionic fluid._

"_He's beautiful," Addison smiled._

–––––

_Addison examined the baby carefully. She'd done a quick visual exam when he was handed to her –– all his fingers, all his toes, all the necessary boy parts, and his fathers head of hair –– but she'd been so overwhelmed that she hadn't gotten to really see him before he was taken away to be cleaned up –– and she was left to the pleasant task of delivering the afterbirth. She peeled away the blanket from around him and traced her finger from the tip of his nose down to the stump of his umbilical cord. She stared at the plastic clamp they'd tied the cord off with and felt the tears welling up in her eyes. _

"_Have you picked out a name?" Derek asked softly from where he was sitting on the edge of her bed._

_Addison nodded and thought of the nursery ready and waiting at home –– 'Landon' spelt out in block letters above the crib. "Christopher. Don't you think?"_

_Derek smiled softly. His eyes were red and blood shot –– he'd shed more then a few tears since his son was born. "Thank you." He touched her cheek gently then leaned in and softly kissed her lips._

XXXX

Addison was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't notice the door open.

Derek stood in the door way, evidently coming in to check on Shep, but now staring at her and realizing that she was awake and had heard some, if not all of his conversation with his mother.

Addison met his glance and suddenly felt that he could see into her head, that he knew what she was thinking and that he could feel her heart pounding. She closed her eyes and feigned sleep again.

Derek watched her pretend to sleep for a moment, hesitant to stay but not wanting to go.

Finally Derek stepped out of the room and crossed the hall to his own room. Addison sighed as she listened to the sound of his bedroom door closing. Neither would get any sleep that night.

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So those are the moments.

I think it's cute.

Review SVP.


	12. Chapter 12

I would say that the library is just about the happiest place on earth and I'll tell you why. I moved, you see, and because of the move I don't have internet until… next Friday. That makes it hard to post chapters. But the library has internet, which is why it is a happy place. Unfortunately the library closes at 5 during the week, so I can only come on the weekends.

My life is hard.

And boring.

I've been watching a lot of Melrose Place.

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Addison slept fitfully and awoke the next morning unsure how Shep had slept peacefully beside her. She'd spent most of the night listening to Derek pacing his apartment and making plans for when they would inevitably see each other.

She heard the shower turn on and slipped out of Shep's bed and padded across the hall to Derek's room. She went immediately to his wardrobe, her only plan thus far was not to be wearing her wrinkled date dress when she finally saw him. She reached for the middle drawer and rooted around for the sweat pants that she prayed he still had –– in the back of her mind she was hoping Meredith hadn't discovered them and claimed them as her own.

She found them and tossed them on the bed so she could shimmy out of her dress. She sighed and stared into the mirror as she adjusted the camisole she'd been wearing and readjusted the underwire of her bra –– it was not the most comfortable thing to sleep in. She grabbed the sweatpants and bent to pull them on. She barely had them over her knees when a door leading off of the bedroom opened. She froze, glanced at the door, then pulled the pants up to her hips and adjusted them nervously. "Umm, hi."

"Morning," Derek stared uncertainly in the general vicinity of her navel but wouldn't meet her eye.

Addison studiously ignored the fact that he was also wearing sweatpants, and only sweatpants, and had droplets of water still clinging to his hair and droplets resting on his shoulders. "I needed something to change into. Wrinkles."

"You found something?"

"Yeah," Addison snatched her dress up off the bed. "I thought you were in the shower."

"Thats Mom. Two bathrooms."

Addison glanced over his shoulder at the en-suite bathroom behind him and realized for the first time that the shower she'd heard running was beside Shep's bedroom. "Oh."

Derek nodded towards his closet, "I'm just gonna…"

"Yeah," Addison flushed, "Okay, yeah." She barely made it out of the room without stumbling over her words or her feet.

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The day passed uneventfully. Derek sat at his desk and stared out the window into the leaves of the tree outside. His mind drifting once again.

"Derek?"

"Hrmmm?"

Carolyn stoically in the doorway. "I apologize for what I said to you last night, it was out of line and I'm sorry."

Derek stared at her a moment, then smirked, and turned away.

"I would like to stay and get to know my grandson."

"Of course."

"Derek," Carolyn was trying her hardest not to plead, "You're my only son," her voice wavered, "He's your only child."

"He's a Shepherd," Derek supplied.

"No. _No_. Not like you are insinuating," Carolyn stood up straighter and squared her shoulders, "But your son is part of my family. He is part of the life that your father and I wanted together. It's what we dreamed of when we got married –– children, grandchildren –– Christopher is part of that dream."

Derek raised an eyebrow. Then he smiled.

"What?" She demanded, her heart in her throat.

"Nothing. I guess you and Dad had more in common with me and Addison then I thought."

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"Having a social worker on staff would open us up to a new clientele."

"Clientele that would more often then not lead to more pro-bono cases."

Pete folded his hands behind his head, "I don't think any of us are hurting for cash, we can afford to do more pro-bono."

"What about hours?" Sam asked

"It wouldn't effect you to much," Naomi shook her head as she throught through the logistics. "Mostly Violet and Cooper. Maybe Addison and Dell."

"I can't take on more patients," Cooper protested.

"Addison can take mothers and children under 3, that will free you up some," the wheels in Naomi's head were turning at warp speed.

Addison was suspiciously silent.

"I think that I can speak for Addison when I say that we are over worked as it is without working overtime pro-bono," Violet cut in, "And I know this project is your baby, Pete, but is _now_ really the time to be doing this?"

"No," Naomi was still thinking this over, "This could work. I mean you two," she glanced between Addison and Violet, "Might have to give up your dream of being solitaire champions, but I think –– good thinking Pete." She stood, "That's all for today. Pete," she nodded to the door, "Let's talk candidates."

Violet remained in her seat as everyone sans Addison filed out of the room.

"Okay. What was that? We might have to work now and take only hour long lunches. We might even end up working 4 days a week."

"Huh?" Addison looked up, confused that the room was now empty.

"How is your life so messed up that you don't even notice when Naomi gets it in her head that we should actually be doing our jobs!"

"What?"

"I give up," Violet threw her hands up in the air, "What's today's drama."

"Nothing," Addison sighed, "Do you ever wonder if maybe you just love Pete because he's Hazel's father."

"No," Violet replied bluntly, "Because he's not."

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Derek stood and walked around his desk to stand in front of his mother, "You are welcome to stay as long as you want."

"Thank you Derek."

"As long as you play nice with Addison."

Carolyn smirked, "Of course."

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"I saw him sign her birth certificate."

"And you wrote her blood type in her chart," Violet shrugged, "I'm B, so is Pete. Hazel is AB."

Addison was dumbfounded, "Does Pete know?"

"Of course, we were both right there when you wrote down her blood type. We didn't care, she's his daughter. I mean, you've seen them together, she's his."

"But––"

"If you got a call to say there was a mix up at the lab and that Shep wasn't biologically Derek's––"

"That's impossible."

"But if. You'd still love Shep and you'd still love Derek. You loved them both before Shep was even conceived. And snap out of it, if Pete gets his way we might have to _work_ for a living."

XXXX

"Fossie!" Shep cried as Addison attempted to tuck him into bed.

"Honey, I'm sorry, but we forgot Flossie at Daddy's, I promise we'll go pick her up tomorrow first thing." But Shep was unconsolable without his stuffed sheep. "How about another book? We can read _Sleeping Dragons All Around_?"

"Fossie!"

"Shhh, Sweetheart. It's to late. We'll get her in the morning." Addison flinched as the doorbell rang, "I'll be right back," she told him needlessly, Shep just kept crying. Addison made her way to the front door and opened it expectantly. "Flossie!"

"I thought Christopher might need her."

Addison reached for the stuffed animal gratefully.

Derek pulled Flossie against his chest, "Do you mind if I…" he nodded up the stairs.

"Yeah, sure," Addison stepped out of the way, "Ummm, I'll be up in a bit. Okay? Umm," she nodded towards the kitchen, "I'll just finish cleaning up and then…"

"Yeah," Derek nodded awkwardly and ran his fingers through his hair, "I wanted to talk to you, so…"

"Yeah, once he's asleep we can… talk."

"Yeah. I'll just be… in there." Addison watched Derek disappear up the stairs, then turned and entered the kitchen. Anxiously she tidied up, picking up discarded carrot sticks and glasses of apple juice from bedtime snack. Pacing the floor she picked up the phone and idly dialed Violet's number, "Last night I over heard Derek's mother asking him when he fell in love with me again, and now he's upstairs tucking Shep into bed and then he wants to talk."

"I'm pregnant."

"What?"

"Just trying to get my own news some face time. I'm pregnant, we have to get married this time. So, did you overhear his answer?"

"No. But obviously that's what he is here to talk about. Oh. My God."

"What?"

"Oh my God."

"What?"

"We're going to have sex."

"_What_?"

"That's why he's here," Addison spun around as she heard him descending the stairs. "I've gotta go," she rushed. She hit the disconnect button reached to replace the phone in the cradle, fumbled and dropped it to the floor.

Derek picked up the spinning phone and casually placed it on the counter. "My mother said some things last night."

'Yeah," Addison attempted to nonchalantly lean against the counter, but it felt awkward and she readjusted again and move towards him so the island no longer separated them.

"You heard?"Derek's eyes darted all over her face trying to discern what she'd overheard.

"No," Addison quickly amended, "I just meant––" she faltered, "–– Oh? Yeah? Did she?"

"You heard," Derek realized, "She just never really understood why we were together in the first place or that we would –– that we would want to –– she thinks that my reasons for wanting to have a child with you mean something other then what they are."

Addison chewed on her lip, "What are they?" she asked softly, "Why did you want to have a baby with me?"

Derek's eyes widened in surprise, then he smiled at her.

She couldn't help but smile back. "Why?"

Realization dawned on him, just as it had on her moments before. "We had something good you and me, I wanted something good to come out of it."

"Something did," she agreed as he took a step towards her and she leaned back against the counter and he continued to move towards her.

"Something very good,"

His eyes traced the curve of her neck and his hands skimmed up her arms, his thumbs lightly caressing the inside of her elbows. She tensed as she attempted not to shudder. He leaned into her, she leaned back.

He smirked and leaned in again, He nudged her nose with his until she smiled and tilted her head so he could kiss her.

She let her palms run up his chest and looped an arm around his neck to pull him closer.

"Is this okay?" he asked pressing his hips into hers.

"Uhuh," her fingers tugged at the buttons of his shirt.

"The kitchen?"

"Uhuh." She pulled away and pulled her shirt over her head.

His lips skimmed over the underside of her jaw at the same instant that his hands pressed against the bare skin of her back trying to touch every inch.

"God, Derek."

"You're sure?" He asked, pushing her hair out of her face with both hands.

They kissed gently, holding each other tightly. Addison trembled, from nerves or anticipation she didn't know. What she did know, what they both knew, was this was exactly where they both wanted to be.

The phone rang.

"Ignore it," Addison instructed.

"It's probably Mom."

"Then definitely ignore it," she smiled against his mouth and blocked out the ringing phone completely.

"_I hope to god you can hear this," _Naomi's voice cut through the room –– and was completely ignored. "_Your blinds are open and we can see right into your kitchen from the deck. We're having dinner with Mya's new boyfriend––"_

"God," Addison twisted out of Derek's arms, covering her breasts with one arm –– and wishing she'd been wearing a bra –– and trying to close the blinds with the other.

Behind her Derek started to laugh. He rested his forehead against the back of her neck, then kissed the top of her spine. She was laughing too, her whole body shaking. He kissed her neck again as his hands felt their way down her back around to her stomach and up to cup her breasts which bounced against his palms as she laughed. He grinned. "Change your mind?" he asked, now kissing his way to her shoulder.

She turned and wrapped her arms tightly around him again, "Just about the kitchen."

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So there you go.

In the next chapter they go to the zoo.

Review.


	13. Chapter 13

You guys are going to love me.

It's going to be short lived I'm sure.

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Addison shivered and pulled the blankets tighter around her neck. It was starting to get cooler in the mornings –– at least cool by California standards.

"Your feet are freezing," Derek murmured still half asleep.

"Because you hog the blankets," Addison yawned and rolled over.

"You hog the blankets. And I need them more then you." Derek tugged on the covers and rolled over so he was facing away from her.

"You do?"

"Yeah. I'm wearing boxers and a t-shirt where as you are wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt."

"But not socks," she pointed out, "And my toes are cold."

"Your feet _are_ freezing," Derek agreed.

"And when my feet are cold the rest of me feels cold," now she was pouting.

"We could share body heat," Derek scooted closer so their backs touched, "I remember that keeping us warm."

"I told you, clothing is no longer optional, Shep might need something."

"This is the downside to having kids isn't it."

"It's a minor one," Addison uncurled the blanket from around her frame and reached around Derek to wrap him up, then tucked her arms around him and buried her face against his back.

"Roll over, I want to be the big spoon," Derek rolled over and waited for Addison to do the same, then he wrapped himself around her, "What time is it?"

"Almost 6. Shep will be up soon."

"Should I leave?"

"I don't know. I'm very comfortable," Addison cuddled in closer, "What's your mom going to say?"

"Something snarky, but I told her she had to play nice if she wanted to stay."

"You don't think this might provoke her? I hate being the little spoon," Addison squirmed away, turned over and cuddled back in so she was facing him, "Since when are you so cuddly."

"It's freezing and you're so nice and warm. We should do something today."

"It's Saturday, we can do something."

"We should take Shep somewhere."

"Okay," Addison chuckled, "Where do you want to take him."

"The zoo? Lions and tigers and bears…"

"Oh my," she grinned and kissed his chin.

"How long do you think before Shep wakes up?"

"Long enough."

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Carolyn poured herself a mug of coffee and glanced again at the door to Derek's apartment. It was after 7am.

And Derek still wasn't home.

XXXX

"Coffee _and _orange juice?"

"The orange juice is for Shep," Addison teased, "He's to young for coffee."

"His parents are doctors, he should have been weaned off of breast milk and straight to coffee. He should have coffee in his veins."

"But that might predispose him to be a doctor and we wouldn't want that."

"We don't," Derek leered at her and moved towards her until she was backed against the cupboards and his hands were resting on the counter on either side of her, "What do we want him to be then?"

"I don't know," Addison sipped at her coffee, "A ferry boat captain. Maybe a high school biology teacher."

Derek's features softened, "I wanted to be a biology teacher."

"I know," Addison took another sip of coffee.

"Gimme that," Derek took her coffee out of her hand and kissed her.

"Mmmm. What was that for?"

"For being the exact opposite of my mother."

"Your mother wanted good things for you."

"What do you want for Christopher?"

"I want him to be happy," Addison looped her arms around his neck, "But if your mother had wanted you to be happy, you never would have met me," she teased.

"I should remind her of that," He kissed her again.

Addison pulled away and glanced over his shoulder, "Morning honey," she moved away from Derek and picked up Shep who was sleepily rubbing his eyes. "Hungry?"

Shep didn't respond but stared at Derek, who though dressed was barefoot and unshaven.

"What do you want for breakfast?" Addison asked as she sat down at the table and settled Shep in her lap, "Daddy will make what ever you want."

Shep yawned, rested his cheek against Addison's chest and closed his eyes.

"Hey," Addison tried to rouse him, "Daddy and I were thinking of going to the zoo. Do you want to come?"

"Can Gamma come?"

Addison just barely hid an eyeroll before agreeing, "Of course Grandma can come."

"Can we gooth now?"

Addison laughed,"We have to have breakfast first, and get dressed, and pack a lunch. We have a lot to do first."

"I should go home and change. Shower."

Addison quirked an eyebrow and smirked. "Well I guess Shep and I can fend for ourselves. We'll even pack a picnic."

"Wif tiny cawwots an' dipth?"

"Yes, with tiny carrots and dip."

"Okay," Derek chuckled, "I'll be back around 10?" HHe made a move to kiss her goodbye, but she shook her head and he backed off, "Alright. I'll see you later." He held Addison's eye for a long moment, then left.

"Daddy ith here a lot now," Shep remarked.

"Yes, he is," Addison agreed carefully, "Are you okay with that? If Daddy is around more?"

"I gueth."

"You guess," Addison laughed and hugged him closer,"You aren't sure?"

"I liketh when Daddy ith here. I don liketh when heth leavin'."

"That's why he moved here, so he never has to be away from you again."

"Ith okay with dat."

"I'm okay with that too."

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"Mom?" Derek stepped through his front door and called for his mother, "You up?"

"In the kitchen," Carolyn stepped into view, "Did you get called into work last night?"

"Nope. I was at Addison's." Derek shrugged out of his jacket, "How do you feel about a trip to the zoo?"

"Addison's? Is something wrong with Christopher?"

"No," Derek smiled and passed by her into the kitchen, "Can you be ready to go by 9:30?"

"Why did she need you to spend the night then? Was she out on a date?"

"No, she was there," Derek smiled and sipped at his fresh cup of coffee.

"Derek––"

"Mom, whether or not I spend the night with Addison is none of your business."

"… with Addison?"

"Yes. _With_ Addison," Derek took his coffee and crossed to the door, "Be ready to go in an hour."

XXXX

"Your mother _hates_ me," Addison murmured as she and Derek strolled along the streets of the zoo several feet behind Shep and Carolyn, "She hasn't spoken 2 words to me since you picked us up."

"She doesn't hate you."

"She certainly doesn't like me."

"You stole her only son." he reached around her waist and pulled her towards him.

"I did not––" she elbowed him away, "––Steal you. I simply married you."

"And bore my illegitimate adulterous love child."

"That illegitimate adulterous love child is the only reason that she even tolerates me."

"She tolerates you because she loves me and I––" he broke off suddenly.

Addison glanced at him and chuckled to herself, "That was bound to happen."

"We should talk about last night."

"Do we really need to?"

"We should be on the same page about this."

"Are you sure we're not?"

Derek laughed, "I never know with you."

Addison stopped walking and faced him expectantly.

"See now, I don't want to speak first because my page might be different then yours."

"Derek, I'm at the zoo with you and your mother who hates me.. I suspect we are on similar pages."

"So… this is okay?" he reached out and took her hand.

"Yeah, thats okay," she squeezed his hand, then released it as Carolyn glanced back at them.

"You realized my mother is perfectly aware of where I was last night."

"There is a difference between her knowing and me rubbing her nose in it." Addison paused to look at the tigers, "Besides, I'm worried we might be confusing Shep."

"He's fine."

"You saw his face when he saw you there this morning. He's not used to men being around in the morning, even when those men are his father."

Derek smirked.

"Don't go getting all cocky mister," she poked him in the chest, "There were men. I just kept Shep separate. Although," she leaned over and kissed him, "It's nice being able to have the man and the child co-existing." She glanced ahead to where Carolyn and Shep were looking at the cheetah's, "We should catch up."

"In a minute."

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"That was a fun day," Carolyn remarked as they made the long drive back from the San Diego zoo. Shep was asleep in his booster seat in the back, Addison sitting beside him –– half asleep herself.

"I think Christopher enjoyed it," Derek glanced in the rearview mirror and smiled at Addison.

Carolyn glanced sharply at her son, "I didn't think you would ever get him away from the petting zoo. You might have to move that boy to a farm."

"I don't think his mother would agree to that," Derek glanced again at Addison who shook her head drowsily, "She's a city girl."

Carolyn continued to watch Derek as he snuck glances at Addison. "Keep your eyes on the road Derek."

Derek snuck another look at Addison, she winked, then rested her cheek against Shep's booster seat and closed her eyes. "Yes, Mom."

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Derek pulled into his parking spot and cut the engine.

Carolyn stared straight ahead for a moment, then hurriedly got out of the car.

Derek turned in his seat and touched Addison's knee, "Addy, wake up."

"Mmmm?" She forced her eyes open and stared at him blearily, she rubbed her hand over her cheek to smooth away creases from the edge of Shep's car seat. "What?"

"I'm just going to grab a change of clothes, okay?"

"Presumptuous," she murmured, closing her eyes again.

"Add…"

She opened her eyes and gave him a look that plainly said 'why are you still here arguing with me'.

"I'll be right back." He hopped out of the car and caught up with his mother before she got to the gate.

"Will you be spending the night at Addison's?"

"I'll be back early," he held the gate open for his mother and sifted through his keys as they walked across the courtyard.

"I'm leaving in the morning," she informed him, "My flight leaves at 11."

"I'll bring Christopher back with me then, we'll go out to ––"

"Derek?"

Derek stopped dead in his tracks, "Meredith. _What_ are you doing here?"

"Mom called me," she looked at Carolyn who nodded at her encouragingly, "She thought that… she said… she said that if I wanted to… talk… that I should… I haven't signed the papers, Derek. I'm having second thoughts about the divorce."

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My problem is that I can't leave well enough alone.

My other problem is that I just wrote epic Marksy and that brought to much joy to the world and I just can't have that.

So review and I'll share the omelette I'm making to celebrate the end of eventfest –– BF and I squish to many major milestones into 3 days, but now it's over.

REVIEW.


	14. Chapter 14

So I think you guys are pretty much going to love this chapter. I know I do.

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Addison jerked awake as Derek gently opened his car door and eased it shut after settling himself into the drivers seat. She glanced into the back of the car, thinking maybe she missed him putting his things for the night in the back. It was empty. "Where's your stuff?" she asked sleepily.

He barely glanced at her, "Decided I didn't need anything."

Derek was stone silent during the drive home, forcing Addison to become more and more alert with each moment of continuing silence.

"Derek?"

"Mmm?" he replied, turning his back on her and getting out of the car.

"Derek," she said again when he opened the door to the back seat and started unbuckling a sleeping Shep.

"Shhh."

Addison huffed and climbed out of the car. She waited patiently by the car, but he didn't give her a second glance as he lifted their son out of his carseat and carried him into her house.

She followed, pausing behind him as he kicked off his sandals, "I can put him to bed if you––" But he shrugged her off and proceeded up the stairs to Shep's room at the end of the hall. "I can help––" but Derek was already ahead of her, shifting Shep's weight to one arm and reaching down with the other hand and pulling back the bedclothes. Addison watched from the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest, as Derek partially roused the boy and changed him into his pajama's without really letting him wake up.

Finally Derek turned towards her, and froze.

Addison flinched as he stared at her intently. Something about his gaze was unsettling, along with his behavior since they'd dropped off his mother, and it was making her nervous. "What's wrong?"

He moved slowly towards her, his gazing never loosing its intensity, He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her softly, then pulled away and continued to stare at her.

"What's going on Derek?"

"Nothing," he stepped away from her, dismissing her again, much like he had in the car, "I need some air."

"Do you want some company?" she asked as she turned to follow him.

"No. Just go to bed. I'll be in later."

"But––"

"_Addison_," he said her name so sharply that she stopped dead in her tracks. They were both motionless for a moment, the harshness in his tone still hanging in the air between them. He sighed, and left.

XXXX

It was a nagging feeling. One that felt all to familiar. Addison's eyes narrowed as she watched him. The fingers of one hand played absently with the fingers of her other as she tried to sort out what had happened with Derek to make him so… abrupt. All she could assume was that Carolyn had said something to him –– not that she should be surprised by that, Carolyn never kept her opinions to herself, even if she didn't say anything outright you always knew what she thought.

What was bothering her tonight was that Derek didn't usually take his mothers opinion to heart, not when it came to her. At least he never used to. When they were getting married and both their mothers were subtly nitpicking anything and everything they could while making snide comments that had the whole wedding party rolling their eyes, Derek had just laughed and stolen her away from her childhood bedroom in the middle of the afternoon and checked them into a bed and breakfast for the night before their wedding –– he claimed so their mothers couldn't find them to carry out any nefarious plans.

Carolyn was different towards her now. Where before she was simply standoffish but outwardly kind, now she was cold and somewhat biting. To Addison it just seemed so much harder now then it was then, When she was 24 and first realizing that her boyfriends mother didn't really like her she didn't care because she was 24 and couldn't imagine that the relationship would last more then a few months, especially in med school. When she was 27 and planning her wedding it didn't bother her because she was so crazy in love with Derek that she wouldn't have cared if the whole world hated her, as long as Derek loved her as much as she knew he did.

But, now… now they were in their forties, divorced, adulterous and lairs–– and Addison felt deserving of all the harsh things that Carolyn was saying about her. Addison didn't know if their relationship stood a chance of surviving the weekend let alone the rest of their lives, they weren't foolishly in love with each like they had been when they got married, they were wary of each other more often then not.

And, they had Shep, and for his sake they had to be absolutely sure of what they were doing, because it was Shep that was going to be hurt the most by the things they could do to each other.

But, she knew there was still something between them, and she still wanted to be with him. And, she was willing to risk it.

She picked up the phone and dialed.

"Derek?!"

Addison heart dropped to her stomach. Reacting without thinking she hung up the phone and stared out the window at Derek kicking sand on the beach.

Meredith had just answered Derek's phone.

The phone rang.

"_What_."

"Oh. I'm–– You just called and I thought… " Meredith stuttered nervously, "Is he there?"

Addison hung up again and disconnected the phone –– ripping the wires from the wall and piling everything on the middle of the coffee table. She pulled open the patio door and stepped outside, the wind almost blew her sideways, "_DEREK_!" she yelled over the wind and the surf, "_I just called your house to speak with your mother and your WIFE answered the phone."_

Derek's shoulders slumped. He stood motionless until Addison had crossed the sand to him. "Mom called her, I guess, when she realized we… Meredith, she… she hasn't signed the papers."

"The divorce papers," Addison clarified coolly.

"Yeah, those ones," Derek attempted a small smile which illicited no response from Addison. "But, it doesn't matter," he rushed on, "she can't force me to stay married to her. Just because she doesn't sign the papers doesn't mean we stay married, it just makes it a little more complicated."

Addison turned and stormed back towards the house.

"Addison! Wait! _Stop!_"

"No! I _hate_ when you talk to me like this. '_Everything's fine Addison. It's okay Addison. WE are FINE, Addison. This isn't about US, Addison'. It's not FINE. It's not OKAY. If everything was FINE you would have been inside talking to ME not out here on the beach ignoring me!"_

"_I'm not ignoring you! I'm thinking! I need to think right now! My WIFE just showed up and said that she doesn't want the divorce and that CHANGES EVERYTHING ADDISON! A few hours ago we were talking about finally being on the same pages and then Meredith shows up and suddenly we aren't even in the same book! She's my WIFE and I need to at least consider what she is asking me to do!"_

"_Why?!"_

"_Because I did it for you!"_

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"Maybe I shouldn't have come," Meredith took another sip of the drink Carolyn had mixed her.

"You had too. There was simply no other choice."

"Do you think they're…"

"They're probably fighting," Carolyn interrupted, "I'm _sure_ that Addison had no idea you were here in town until after you answered the phone –– and if I know Addison, she immediately confronted him."

"But, if he's––" Meredith interrupted herself by taking an extra long sip of her drink, "He's not like Mark, you know?"

"The sexual relationship is new," Carolyn assured her, "I'm positive last night was the first time he's spent the night with her. And no, he's not Mark, but he is a man. Addison is familiar to him, someone that he does have a connection with –– and she was convenient. They have been spending more time together lately and it's not surprising that they have… gotten closer. That's probably my own fault."

Meredith eyed Carolyn, "How is it your fault?"

"Million reasons," Carolyn sighed and folded her hands over her stomach, "I should have come straight to LA instead of stopping in Seattle, I shouldn't have stopped you from coming here when you wanted to, I shouldn't have tried to pave the way for you," Carolyn almost smiled, "I shouldn't have lied about knowing Addison was Christopher's mother, I should have said I had come from Seattle and you wanted him back."

"They have a kid, Mom."

"I know," Carolyn sighed, "She's just not good for him. Addison's a good girl, she would have been perfect for Mark, but she is not good for my son. Everything is a fight and a struggle with them –– money, power, prestige. Derek doesn't need that. There will never be a time where Addison and Derek's careers won't be competing against one another, you are at a point where your career will climb steadily even if you have to take a night of here and there to support him in something, it won't hurt you if you have to relocate for his career right now, you have a few years before you start getting tied down by your own job."

Meredith nodded, they'd been over this before. "He wants kids though, obviously, I don't know if I'm… I don't think I'm a _mom_."

"You don't have to be," Carolyn assure her, "Christopher will be enough for Derek. Just remember the custody agreement we discussed, tell him about the houses we found –– he'll have plenty of time with Christopher but he'll be far away from Addison."

"What if he still wants to be with her?"

"Addison ruined her chances with my son with she went outside their marriage. He may not be thinking of that now, but he will. He can't trust her, you just remind him of that. He can't trust her anymore."

XXXX

"Addison?" Derek pushed open the door to her room. He realized that had it not been for Shep potentially needing something during the night she would have locked the door to keep him out, so really he should be respecting that and staying away. But, he had to talk to her, "Add?" He could see her curled up in bed, not sleeping, but staring out the window. He sat down on the end of the bed and rested his hand on her ankle, "It's not just about Meredith. I don't want to be unfair to you either." Addison didn't move. "I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I'm not sure how I feel about you. I know that… I know that I love you, Addison, but I'm not sure if I love you because you're you, or if I love you because you're Christopher's mother. I don't think it's enough to love you like that. I don't know. Maybe it is. I just didn't think that's what you would want."

"It doesn't matter," she said softly, "I can't just be patient while you figure out who you want to be with again."

"But, what about Shep? I want him to have both of us, together, if it's at all possible. He's so much more confident with both of us here full time, even his lisp is improving."

"We can't be together just for him," Addison wrapped her blanket tighter around her, "If you can't just outright choose me right now, then you should stay with Meredith."

"But Addison, I am choosing you right now, right this second I am choosing to be with you not her," Derek moved closer, "But what about tomorrow or a year from now? Is this still going to be a good idea? We were together one night, Addison. How can I be sure?"

"I guess you can't," she replied, "Please leave."

He sighed, defeated, and leaned over to kiss her temple, "I do love you. That's what always makes this hard."

"I love you too. That's what always makes this unfair."

XXXX

"He never came home," Meredith spoke into her cup of coffee.

"Don't worry," Carolyn soothed tensely, "He just needed some space."

"Or he just needed to screw her to prove that he is over me and I should just sign the papers and move on."

"You and I both know that Derek would never do that. This is good, he's getting out all the anger over you showing up unexpectedly and he'll come back ready to talk."

"Or he won't come back at all and he'll have me arrested for trespassing."

"He'll be back before I'm finished with these dishes," Carolyn assured her, "I know my son. He'll want to know exactly why you are here and what you want."

"I want him back. I told him that last night and he still ran off with Addison."

"He left with Addison because he thought that the life he has with her is better then the life he had with you. We just need to show him he's wrong."

"I don't want to take him away from his son!" Meredith protested, more to herself then as part of the conversation, "I can be a great step-mother to Chris. I can learn to bake cookies and drive him to soccer practice. I can make the weekends he's with us perfectly all-american wholesome family fun time."

"And the rest of the time you can still live your own lives," Carolyn processed this whole idea once more, "It's what's best for Derek and what's best for Christopher. Addison and Derek are both good parents, but they aren't good as a couple. This is what's best for everyone."

They both turned as they heard the front door to the apartment opened and closed.

Carolyn nodded to Meredith, "Go ahead."

XXXX

Derek sat across from Meredith in the living room, his elbows on his knees. His mother had gone to meet Addison who'd grudgingly agreed to let Shep spend time with his grandmother before her flight left that evening.

Meredith was lining up papers on the coffee table in front of him, her hands shaking. She reached for the first stack and swallowed hard, "I spoke with our lawyer last week and he helped me draft out this custody agreement. It's pretty standard but I asked for a few modifications, and of course anything that you or Addison would want to add…" she glanced at him and his eyes were so hard and unemotional that she almost couldn't continue, "Basically from now until he starts grade school he would split his time fifty-fifty between us and Addison, two weeks with her, then two weeks with us, it's flexible and can accommodate all of our work schedules. When he's old enough to be in school he'll spend the week with Addison and weekends with us starting Friday after school until we drop him off at school Monday morning. There are different provisions for holidays but I thought that if it came down to trips home we can work it out just as well in Connecticut as we can here." She took another deep breath, "One of the things that I had them add is that I want to be considered a full parent to Chris. I want to have the authority to make decisions if you or Addison can't be reached. If his school calls I want them to be able to talk to me the same as they'd be able to talk to his biological parents. And… if something happens to Addison, I want her to agree to let me adopt Shep legally as my son."

Derek leaned back and stared at Meredith as he took this all in.

Meredith reached for a second stack of papers, "These are some houses in the area. Most of them are close to UCLA so that you can be close to your classes and no more then an hour away from Addison's house. There are plenty of schools for Chris halfway between both area's but it's far enough away that we won't be running into Addison at the supermarket every weekend."

"You'd be willing to move here?"

"Of course. Derek, Chris is a part of our family, we should be near him. He should be able to spend time with all of us. Just… look at all of this, please. And come look at a few of these houses with me."

Derek sighed, his face devoid of emotion. "Okay."

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That's pretty much what you were hoping for right?

In lew of reviews I'll take backrubs. My back was so sore today at work I could barely do my job. I mean on a good day I can barely manage my job, but that usually has less to do with my back and more to do with my job being impossible, but today was exceptionally hard.

REVIEW


	15. Chapter 15

I don't know why I keep dragging this out.

Mostly I want to be writing epically tragic Marksy, and I won't let my self get to far into it because I'm writing this and… does anyone even read these?

Read the story.

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Derek stood in the backyard and surveyed the lot. It was a small garden with a jungle gym in the corner, a small deck with a barbecue, and a gate in the back fence leading to a private park shared with the other house's around it's perimeter.

He turned his back on the yard and looked again at the house. Three-stories. Kitchen, dinning room and living room on the first floor. Master bedroom and an office/library on the second. A small bedroom on the third.

Meredith smiled at him from the deck where she was talking to the real estate agent. After a moment she walked towards him and stood next to him staring at the house.

"She says we could have it by the end of the month. We could have a birthday party for Chris in the new house."

Derek turned away from her and looked around the backyard again. "No."

Meredith suppressed a sigh, but forced a smile, "Well, it's just the first one."

"No. I mean… No. Not to the house. To this," Derek ran a hand through his hair but kept his eyes trained on the ground, "Us. I can't… No."

XXXX

"Mummy?"

"Yeah, honey?" Addison hugged Shep a little closer.

"Canth Hazel come over and pway?"

"Hazel?"

Shep turned in her arms and looked at her seriously, "We'th been watchin' a lots of movies."

Addison sighed.

"Where'th Daddy been?"

"Daddy has been with Meredith looking for a house."

"He'th not here's anymore."

"You spent all day with him yesterday."

"Buth thats wath just me ands him. We uthed to do stuffs all tree of us."

"Yeah we did used to do that," Addison agreed with a sigh, "But now you, Daddy and Meredith will do things together, the three of you."

Shep sighed and turned his attention back to the movie playing on the TV.

The door bell rang. Addison glanced at her watch, then forced herself off the couch and over to the door.

"Hey!" Naomi stood at the door with a grin on her face, Violet was a step behind her with her arms crossed over her chest. "We haven't seen you in a week," Naomi pushed passed her, revealing for the first time that she had a bottle of wine.

Violet passed by a little slower, looking Addison up and down. Addison stared at her feet. Violet paused and turned her back on Naomi, "Do you want us to leave?" she asked softly.

"No," Addison shook her head and finally looked up at her friend. Her eyes instantly misted over and she had to look away again.

Violet took her hand and held it tight for a moment while Addison composed herself. "Hazel is over at Sam's with Mya, do you want to send Shep over to play? Or do you want him here?"

"I wanth to watcth our movie," Shep stood at the door, glaring at Violet.

"Shep," Addison wiped her eyes discretely, "You can go over and play if you want. You just said you wanted her to come over and play."

"Weth are watchin' Nemo."

"It's okay," Addison smiled at his protective stance, "You can go play with Hazel. Mummy and Violet and Aunt Naomi are going to talk for awhile. I won't start the movie without you."

Shep hesitated.

"It's okay," she assured him, "I'm okay. I'm just going to talk to Violet and Naomi for a little while and then we can finish our movie. Okay?" she nodded encouragingly until he nodded back, then she took his hand and walked him out on to the porch and watched him walk uncertainly across the yard to where Hazel and Mya were drawing a hopscotch diagram. She crossed her arms tightly over her chest. She didn't want to go inside. She didn't want to tell Naomi and Violet what had happened, because once people knew it became real.

"Addison?"

"Vi…" Addison turned into her friends arms and started to cry.

"Shhhh," Violet soothed, "You'll be okay."

"This sucks," Addison sobbed against Violets shoulder.

"Yes," Violet agreed, "It does."

"I have _wine_," Naomi's voice sang out from the kitchen, "Who wants some?" she asked as she entered the hallway where Addison and Violet still stood, "What's wrong?"

Addison pulled away from Violet and shrugged, attempting yet again to rid her face of tears, "Derek went back to his wife."

XXXX

"I don't understand," Naomi whispered to Violet as they searched the cupboards for ice cream bowls and spoons, "I saw them together, they were happy."

Violet shrugged.

"No, you don't get it. I saw them saw them. Doing stuff. Through the window, they were right where you are standing."

Violet grimaced.

"But they looked happy."

"Of course the looked _happy_ Naomi," Violet looked at her pointedly.

"Not happy like that," Naomi exclaimed, "This wasn't just 'hopin' on the wild pony' kind of sex. They were connecting."

"You could tell this from through the window?"

"It was how you are with a person you love. How could they go from _that_ to _this_ so fast?" Naomi ripped open the ice cream.

"He was married, she knew that."

"I blame his mother," Naomi dug out a huge spoonful of ice cream, "She means well, and I think she does know what Derek needs… kinda, but it's not what he wants. She doesn't know Addison like he does so she thinks that it's not real."

Violet turned towards her pensively.

"What?"

"Nothing. I just sometimes forget that you know her better then I do."

"Yeah. I do. I've been her best friend for 20 years. I know the lust and thrust from love. Especially with her."

"Since when do you _talk_ like that?"

"I've been watching a lot of really bad comedies. There is nothing on TV anymore."

XXXX

Derek, understandably, hesitated in front of Addison's house. This promised to be a very humbling experience.

He knocked lightly on the door. He wasn't sure what desire was stronger –– the desire to see her, or the desire for there to be no one home.

Violet and Naomi opened the door.

"No," Violet shook her head and moved to slam the door in his face.

"Wait!" Naomi stopped her, "We should at least find out what he wants.

"I don't care what he wants. It's nothing good."

"It might be. He might be here to apologize."

"And how is that _good_?" Violet put her hands on her hips. They were now completely ignoring Derek. "That's not going to make her feel better."

"Yes, it will. I'm her best friend. I think she'd want to hear what he has to say."

Derek looked past them, Addison was standing 15 feet away watching him blankly.

"As a therapist I think that it would be detrimental for him to talk to her when it's so likely that he's just going to hurt her more."

"You didn't _see_…"

"I swear to _God_ if you throw another euphemism at me––"

_Please? _Derek mouthed to Addison, pleading for her to rescue him from… this.

She nodded slightly and indicated that he should meet her at the back of the house.

Naomi and Violet didn't even notice him leaving.

Derek rushed around the house, tripping over Shep's miniature bike with training wheels and a collection of beach toys. Addison was just sitting down on the top step. She looked sad, heartbroken. Her eyes were red and her skin was blotchy. Derek stopped short, completely unsure of what he was suppose to say to her.

"I'm sorry," he began.

Addison closed her eyes to hide the pain for just a fraction of a second, "Okay."

He hesitated, then sat down beside her. "I don't know what to say."

She inhaled sharply, then exhaled slowly, "It might be best," she began, "If we just pretend that _that_ never happened."

"But––"

"For Shep. I think all that confused him and got his hopes up for something that isn't ever going to happen."

"Addison ––"

"It's to hard Derek. I need to just … not think about it until it goes away. We need to be friends for Shep's sake, and I'm just not strong enough to do that right now, so we just need to pretend that––" she stopped short in the middle of her thought, "But that's probably what you want too. You don't want to be reminded of one stupid night with me when you are making a family with Meredith and Shep," she sighed, "That's fair."

"That's not what I want at all!" Derek exclaimed, "We aren't even––"

"Stop," Addison held up her hand, "I don't want to know. I'm not… you chose her again, Derek. And, I know why you did it, and I understand, she's what you wanted all along and I was here and we got caught up in this perfect little family life and things happened. But, I was deeper into the fantasy and it's going to take a little more time to get over it. Okay?"

"Meredith's gone Addison," Derek reached over and gripped her hands between both of his, "I looked around at the house she wanted to buy and the backyard that she wanted to have Christopher's birthday in, and it's not what I wanted at all. I wanted you. I thought I wanted her, but I don't, I want to be with you and Shep."

She shook her head, "No, you don't."

"I do. Addison. I do."

"No," she shook her, "And even if you did it doesn't matter. You chose her. I'm always going to be the wife that cheated on you."

Derek stared at her, stunned by her frank words.

"So, no," Addison shrugged, tearfully and unsure, "We aren't and we won't."

"No," Derek shook his head violently, "I just gave up everything for you. For _you. You do not get to decide how I feel about you_," Derek jumped to his feet.

"I'm not," Addison couldn't even look at him for fear that she would breakdown crying, "I'm deciding how I feel."

"_You are saying that you can't trust me to want to be with you because I tried to work it out with my WIFE!"_

"_No! I can't do this because it's to much Derek. We've already done this, and I can't do it again."_

"_You don't trust me!"_

Addison was silent a long moment, "No, I guess I don't."

"That's unfair," Derek stated as he stood across from her wondering how he'd gotten so far away, there was now 5 feet of cobblestone and beach between them.

"Yeah."

"He's still my son, you can't keep me away from him."

"I don't want to."

Derek shook his head and turned away from her, "I think, in a way, you do."

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So it's not a long chapter. In fact it's a pretty short chapter. But it's a chapter nonetheless. (And isn't it weird that nonetheless is one word?)

Anyway. I have to go clean my apartment cause apparently they need in here to disconnect my cable… I never had cable in this place so I find this a little odd.

Review.


	16. Chapter 16

Do you want the excuse? Cause I can give you the excuse. Lou bet me that I could quit writing. She might have double-dog dared me. Sarah decided that bet became null with the new year and I agreed.

Without further ado…

"He's pissing me off," Addison paced her bedroom.

"Uhuh."

"I _don't_ want to keep him from Shep."

"I know."

"He's being petty."

"Sure."

"Violet!"

"Huh?"

"Are you even listening to me?"

There was a long pause, "Addison. I've been listening to you for almost 2 months now."

Addison was startled. Violet's words stun.

"Sorry. I'm sorry. But I'm 6 month pregnant, I'm getting married next week and somehow this is all about you!"

"But. Violet!" Addison protested, but didn't really have a defense. "I'm sorry," she said into the phone, "Really. I'm a self-centered bitch. I apologize."

"Thank you."

Addison smiled as she heard the amusement in Violet's voice. She took and deep breath and the smile slid from her face. "Are you worried about marrying him after all this time?"

"Not really. We probably should have done it sooner. Actually, if I hadn't gotten pregnant we'd probably done nothing about this until Hazel left for college. I mean, having one kid with a person is no reason to get married, but having two–– who are we kidding." There was a rustle of papers on her end of the line, "But now that I'm seeing how much paperwork there is just to change my last name I'm about to call this whole thing off."

"Are you changing Hazel's name too?"

"I tried but the little bugger informed me that she's not changing her name, she's making a feminist stance and I wouldn't understand. My five-year old is a feminist."

Addison chuckled but remained silent so Violet could continue.

Violet was silent for a full thirty seconds, "I wouldn't care if you talked about him if you'd admit that you're in love with him."

Addison didn't reply, just crossed her free hand over her middle and started out the window.

"Fine."

"I've got to go put Shep to bed."

"Okay," Violet replied softly, "It's okay to love him, Addison."

"I have to go." Addison disconnected and dropped the phone to the seat of a nearby chair. She stared out the window at the surf for a long time until she could no longer bare it, then she closed her eyes and tried to stop thinking and feeling. She turned away from the window, pushed aside the dull ache in her chest, and walked across the hall to Shep's room.

He was sitting up in bed, his legs sticking straight out infront of him, intently staring at the pictures in his book. He looked so much like his father that Addison had to stop herself from sliding to the floor and crying.

"Lights out, Sweetie," she stepped into his room and smiled at him, "Time for bed."

'Mummy? Will-th you read me the end oth dis one?"

"Yeah," Addison sat down on the edge of his bed and pulled him into her side, "What are we reading?"

"''Bout Mike-th and Mawy-Ann."

"Mike Mulligan? That's my favorite."

"Dat's Daddy's favorite too-th."

"Shep? Sheppy does it bother you that you don't have the same last name as Daddy?"

"No."

"'Cause if you want we can change it."

"To whath?"

"To Shepherd, like Daddy."

"Oh."

"You know, if Daddy and I had been married when you were born your last name would have been Shepherd like Daddy."

"Okay."

"So you want to change your name to be like Daddy?"

"Nope."

"I think Daddy would like it, Shep. See… okay, usually when people have babies they have their Daddies last names, that's just the way people usually do it. But when you were born I gave you my last name and your middle name is Daddy's last name, so I'm asking if you want to switch."

"Why?"

"Because… it's important to Daddies that their sons have their last name cause if…" Addison paused, then cringed before starting off on her next arguement, "Okay, you are Daddy's only son, and Daddy is Grandma's only son and so he's the only Shepherd and If you and Hazel get married then she'll have the same last name as you and your kids will have your last name and if you have my last name then there will be no more Shepherd's."

Shep stared at her wide-eyed.

"Do you understand?"

"No," he whispered.

"Do you care, either way, what your last name is?"

"Will-th you still be my-th Mummy?"

Addison's heart swelled, "Of course baby. I'll still be your Mom and Daddy will still be your Daddy. No matter what your last name is."

"Den I don't care."

"Okay. Light's out. You're going to Daddy's new house bright and early."

XXXX

"You hath to see my woom."

"I'll see your room another time Shep. Come on, Daddy's waiting."

Shep pouted and stomped ahead of her and swung open the front door.

"Hey!" Derek jogged from the back of the house and swung Shep into his arms, "I've been wating for you!"

"Tells Mummy she has to see muh woom."

"I really don't have time today, Shep."

"It will just take a minute," Derek tried to smile but his eyes were sad.

Addison hesitated, staring at the floor, then looking just at Shep and avoiding Derek's eye completely, "Quickly, I've got a bunch of things I need to do."

"Oh-Kay," Shep squirmed out of Derek's arms and grabbed Addison's hand to drag her up the stairs, Addison following without looking back.

"Dats Daddy's woom," Shep pulled her down the hall and barely have her the chance to look inside, "An' dat's da Bafwoom,"

"Bathroom, got it."

"And dat's another woom, and dat's another room," Shep stopped abruptly and turned around and dragged her back the way they came."An' dis is my room, right across from Daddy's."

"Four bedrooms? That's a lot of bedrooms."

"Yup. For muh brodah and sista."

"Brothers and sisters?"

"Beff."

"Beth? One of the rooms is for your sister Beth?" This was news to Addison.

"Yup. Dis is my bed. An dis is da boat dat Daddy got me. And I has my own bafwoom wight here at dis door. An' Daddy bought me paints an I'm gonna paint you a big piture. And dese are mah books. Dis one Daddy gots me last time. I hasn't wead it yet…"

"This is a nice room," Addison agreed and she watched Shep dance around. She knew that dance. And sure enough…

"I has ta pee, but den I'ma show you wheres me an Daddy's gonna build my twee-house."

Addison smiled indulgently, "Okay." She watched the door to the bathroom close behind her son, then marched herself down the hall to 'Beth's' room and threw open the door. She peered hesitantly into the room, eyes narrowed, then, after assuring herself that it was safe, the rest of her body followed her gaze into the room.

It was not a little girls room as she had feared. Instead it seemed to be a makeshift office for Derek. Pristen white walls, and housing a desk and a chair –– nothing like his lair-like study he'd meticulously decorated in New York –– but perfectly functional.

Her shoulders collasped with the weight of relief and she exhaled as she idly poked around the room. Papers, bills, paint swatches arranged by room so you could see how the colours would flow room to room –– just like she'd taught him –– to do lists and papers.

In the back of her mind she knew she didn't want to be doing what she was doing. She knew that whatever she read on whatever piece of paper she picked up was going to torment her for hours, days, maybe even weeks, but that didn't stop her from looking at the brochure for the family oriented neighborhood and upcoming block party and BBQ, the application for after-school soccer at the park, Derek's wish list for the house including a sketch for a tree house complete with tire swing.

Then she saw her name. And once she saw her name on one piece of paper she started noticing it on several. A few of them were hand written, her name scrawled with messy familiarity, but the rest was near impossible to read. So, naturally, she turned to the typed pages.

_Addison,_

_You won't talk to me We seem to be avoiding talking about_

_Addy,_

_I love you and I think , believe, want __WHY ARE YOU MAKING THIS SO HARD_

"What are you doing?"

Addison dropped the papers and spun around.

"What are you doing?" Derek repeated.

"I…" Addison searched deperately for an excuse, but upon finding nothing she reverted back to her failsafe –– shifting blame, "You told Shep that this room was for a sister."

Derek coloured, his face and neck turning a dark shade of red.

"Derek!"

He glanced at her, and his stance instantly became defiant, "The plan was always to have two."

"The plan… the plan was to grow old together! The plan was to be together and not fall in love with skinny blond interns! The plan changed!"

"WHY! We have Christopher! Why can't we–– " he stopped aburptly and glared at her, "You aren't suppose to be in here!" He crossed the room and swiped the papers across the desk and away from her.

"You told him this room is for Beth!"

"You don't want to have a daughter?" he asked, suddenly calm.

"I… I don't… I'm happy with Shep."

"You always wanted a little girl. Elizabeth, after your mom," he saw her stiffen and grinned, "Fine, after your grandmother. But we never discussed raising an only child. It was never just Christopher, always Christopher and Elizabeth."

"Stop."

"Read them," he pushed the pages towards her again.

"No."

"Read them!" his eyes flashed and he grabbed her hand and tried to force the pages into her fist.

"Stop! Derek!" She took a step away from him, "I don't want to read them."

"Mummy!" Shep ran into the room, "Come thee my yard."

"Honey, Mommy has to go. But you are going to have tons of fun with Daddy and Uncle Sam is going to pick you up on Friday. Okay?"

"But," Shep's face fell, "I wanth you to thee my twee-house."

"I'm sorry baby," she bent down and kissed his forehead, "I've really got to go," she glanced up at Derek, "I've got errands I need to run."

"Fine. Fine," he dropped the pages back to the desk and moved to his computer, "I'm e-mailing them to your blackberry."

"I'm not going to––"

"Do what ever you want to do with them Addy," Derek bent and picked up Shep, "Me and Christopher have a home to decorate."

XXXX

Addison sat in the park 3 blocks from Derek's new house. The green tree lined park filled with kids and families 3 blocks from the house that Addison kind of loved but didn't want to admit it. The house that immediately felt like a home.

She held her blackberry in the palm of her hand and stared at it. She didn't want to admit it, but she was so curious it was painful. Not only that, but in the hour since she'd left Derek, since she'd seen him and read scribbles that said that he loved her and heard him talk about their 'Plan' for their life together –– their family –– that neither of them had dared mention in over a decade; since then the vice that had been permanently around her heart seemed to be loosening. The pain, that she'd just accepted as the way her heart was going to feel until it finally gave out and broke resulting in her death, was lessening.

She balanced the blackberry on her palm for another moment before leaning back her bench and opening her email. It was 15 pages long. 15 pages of rambles and fragments of paragraphs.

So she skimmed.

_Addison;_

_There are things I need to say to you. I'm writing this in the middle of the night and I'm not sure how I'm going to say these things to you, I don't know if I have the courage to say them and I don't even know if you'd listen if I did. But writing out the things that I need to say to you makes it clear. I need you to know these things because I think that you feel the same way, but I think that you think we have to much to loose now because we have Christopher. _

_We have Christopher, he deserves to have both his parents TOGETHER. And we love each other so I don't see why we are even fighting about this._

_I love you._

_And I know that's the problem. It's a huge problem. I love you and I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry that we've had to go through the last ten years and we are still in the same place. I admit that for a long time, well to be honest it was only maybe 3 months, but those 3 months were the worst 90 days of my life. Followed closely by the 90 after them. I think you know which ones I mean, and I'm sorry because you were present for some of them and I treated you badly. _

_I haven't slept in 3 weeks. Not a real sleep. My mind is to busy. But I've come to some realizations._

_In Seattle you had become the woman that my mother thought that you were. I'm sure that I take some responsibility for that. But what drove me away from you and towards Meredith was that you had become exactly what my mother told me to expect from you and what I'd spent our entire marriage believing that you could never be. My wife, the you that I married, could never have committed adultry._

_2 days later and I've shouldered all the blame for your affair. I was absent. And if you weren't the woman that I married when we were in Seattle, then I wasn't the man that you married when you slept with Mark in New York. ******* I became a man who only defines himself by his career and that was not fair to you. You did not marry a doctor, you married a man. And when I stopped being your man and was just a doctor, well I guess you weren't really cheating on me. _

_But, I think, no I know, I KNOW that when we divorced we divorced the people we married. That's why it hurt so much. I thought that the girl I fell in love with was gone forever, and I would have given anything to have her back, but I thought that was impossible. And it hurt just to look at you and remember how happy we used to be._

_Now, Addison, now, since we had Christopher we've started to get all that back. Every time I see you know I see…_

_I don't know how to discribe… you're the most beautiful woman that I've ever met. Seeing you with our son, taking care of him and loving him, it's beautiful. We need to do this Addison. We owe it to the kids we were that got married and planned a life together and dreamed of houses with breakfast nooks and kids named Christopher for my side of the family and Elizabeth for yours and Christmas trees with homemade ornaments and stockings with our names on them, we owe it to them._

_Maybe all we needed was time, Addison. Just time to heal from all the terrible things that we did to each other. We grew up and grew apart, and I told myself that that's why we couldn't make our marriage work –– we grew up into different people–– but if having Christopher has shown us anything it's that even if we are different people we still want the same things. I still want the same thing. I want to be with you and grow old(er) with you._

_Agreeing to have a child with you is the smartest decision I've ever made._

_I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I need to say it and I need you to know it; when Meredith showed up here and wanted to be a family with me and Christopher I was elated. I thought that being able to save my marriage and have my son as part of our family was exactly what I wanted. I believed that until I stood in the yard of the perfect home picturing Shep's sixth birthday and all I wanted was for you to be there with me. I didn't want to be a family with Meredith, I wanted our family, I want the family that we made together. _

_We can have our second chance Addison._

At this Addison pressed her blackberry to her chest and laughed. Tears poured down her cheeks and soaked into the fabric of her dress, but she laughed until her stomach ached and her head hurt. She shook her head and looked at the screen again.

_We can have our second chance Addison._

She sighed and turned her phone off, shaking her head, "We had our second chance."

XXXX

It was taking all his strength to smile for his son. Christopher was the only reason he was even making an effort.

It was so much harder this time. He couldn't just avoid Addison, he couldn't leave town or pretend she didn't exist. He couldn't ignore her or the fact that she'd broken his heart –– again. They had a son, a little boy that Derek couldn't look at without seeing Addison. Addison's smile, Addison's pout, Addison's forehead when he concentrated on colouring, Addison's laugh, her enthusiasm, her eyes. The way he woke up in the morning, instantly alert and ready to go –– that was all Addison, the way he'd 'read' while eating –– a terrible habit of Addison's, humming while doing anything in front of a mirror –– a girly trait that Derek could blame on no one else but the child's mother. But what hurt Derek the most, what reminded him the most of Addison, what broke his heart but made him smile all at the same time, was that just like his mother Christopher was so affectionate and easy to love. Heartbreakingly easy to love. And that made him feel like a complete failure.

He was beginning to believe that he was just not capable of loving anyone. As he climbed into his car after dropping off the final check to his attorney who handled his divorce –– it was final now –– he felt he'd run out of chances. This was it for him. He was twice divorced and not quite 45. It hadn't even hurt this time. There had been no gut-wrenching painful indecision, no ultimatums, no 'you sign, i'll sign'. It ended easily, as if they'd simply crumpled up their post-it note vows and moved on.

He had nothing to show for his life except for a little boy who's life he hadn't intended to be a part of. Of course now he was a part of Christopher's life, but initially when Addison came to him with this idea he hadn't planned on playing this big a role in his child's life. He lived in a different state. He pictured alternating holidays and 3 weeks in the summer.

It made him think that maybe he should have pushed harder before, when they were younger and married and thinking of starting a family. Maybe if he'd pushed their priorities would have been more in line and they wouldn't have ended up where they are now. Not that he didn't love his son, but he never pictured that their child would be conceived in a lab with never more then one of them present at a time. If he'd pushed for them to have a baby in New York it would have been different. It would have been making love in the dead silence of the night, whispering secrets and promises under the cover of bedsheets while they held each other, giggling and speculating over whether or not they'd made a baby this time. He loved Christopher, but his son deserved to be the product of his father loving his mother.

He did love Addison, he loved her when he agreed to have a baby with her, but he didn't love her in the way that he wanted to love the mother of his child when they decided to have a child.

His feelings confused him and he spent most of his days with a pounding headache.

The one thing he did now, he loved her now. Maybe he didn't love her before, he didn't want to dwell on it, but he loved her now. Sure, he'd left her, twice, but he wanted to be with her now. He'd fallen in love with someone else, he'd married someone else, but right now, in this moment, he wanted to be with Addison and he didn't want to be with anyone else, ever.

He turned down the radio and glanced at the time as he parked his car in the driveway and cut the engine. Mya was babysitting. He'd send her home, make supper for Christopher, and maybe they'd watch a movie together –– it was his last night with him before he went back to Addison's.

"I'm home," he called wearily. He dropped the finalized divorce papers beside the bowl where he dropped his keys, and trudged to the kitchen. It wasn't until he was standing in the archway to the kitchen, dumbfounded by the sight in front of him, that he realized that the whole house smelled like spaghetti sauce and garlic bread. He stood silently, staring, as Addison sheepishly looked up from the table,

"Hey."

"Hi––" Derek's voice caught in his throat and he tried again, "Hi."

"Hi," Addison glanced around nervously. Shep was sitting on her lap, colouring, and completely oblivious to what was going on. "Ummm, Shep and I are just colouring," she picked up a crayon and fidgeted with it for a moment, "And, uh, I made spaghetti." She squeezed Shep tightly and stood up, "Go wash your hands, Shep," she ordered, setting him on his feet.

"But, I'm awmost done."

"We'll finish after supper," Addison grabbed the picture and turned it over on the table, "Quickly, suppers almost ready."

Addison suddenly seemed filled with nervous energy.

Derek smirked and watched her move around his kitchen, by the time she reached the stove and had picked up the pot of noodles he was grinning. He watched her square her shoulders and take a deep breath, putting up her confident exterior which she only used when she was absolutely terrified –– 'you must be the woman who's been sleeping with my husband' strung to mind –– and he chuckled.

She spun around to face him, her jaw set and determined, her skin pale except for the high points of colour in her cheek, and her eyes wide and scared.

"Addison," he said her name with a smile, stepping towards her and hoping that she'd understand that she didn't need to say anything. He'd won. He had the girl. She was standing in his kitchen making him supper –– it didn't get any better then that.

"We are out of second chances."

He stopped still in his tracks. He'd been intending on crossing the room and kissing her until Christopher came back from washing his hands, maybe a little longer if she let him, but her words stunned him. Why was she standing in his kitchen making him supper if she was just going to break his heart all over again? Did she think she was softening the blow?

"I just ––" she cut herself off, stared out the window a moment, then looked at him again, "I just love you, I'm _in_ love with you, and I don't think I care anymore about anything else anymore."

Derek was smirking again. He couldn't help it. He was getting a lot of mixed messages from her in the last 30 seconds, but she loved him and that was something he could work with.

"I––" Addison couldn't help but smile at his widening grin. In fact she was finding it hard not to laugh, "I think we should just forget the last 20 years and start over."

"Like a do over."

"Yes," Now she was laughing, "Because I think that if we have one more fight about Mark or Meredith then both of us are going to end up in padded rooms with bars on the windows."

"You've thought about this," he stated seriously. He wasn't sure he could take it if she changed her mind.

"Not 18 pages worth, but I did some thinking. Then I did some drinking," She turned away from him and went back to her pasta, "And I kept coming back to the fact that I've loved you since I was 23 and dispite everything that's never changed. And I was happy when we were together, and I like the people that we've become since we've been parents, I think it suits us. The only thing that scared me was that maybe you didn't love me––"

"I do," Derek insisted, taking a step towards her.

"Let me finish," she instructed, her back still to him, "The thing that scared me was that maybe you didn't love me like you used too. But––" she paused, "But, I realized that that's okay because I don't love you the same way that I did. And I certainly don't want to be in love with you the same way I was when we lived in Seattle, that was just a blind hurtful self-deprecating love, and I can't do that again. I don't love you in a way that belittles myself anymore, I love a man who puts his son above everything else, who will do anything to give his child the ideal childhood with tree houses and fishing trips," her voice caught in her throat, "And who can love me despite the fact that I make everything so damn hard on him, and who plans our life together when I'm to scared to acknowledge that we are meant to be together."

"Addison," Derek stepped towards her, skirting around the large island between them and already holding out his arms for her.

"Can you go check on Shep?" she stopped him in his tracks, "Make sure that he's cleaned up and ready to eat."

He took another step towards her.

"Don't," she held him at bay, "I just need a minute."

Derek retreated back to his side of the island, "Are you sure?"

"Sure about what?" Addison asked, glancing at the ceiling and blinking, hoping gravity would keep the tears in her tear ducts, "Sure this will work?"

"Yeah."

"Of course I'm not sure, Derek," she turned to face him, "Are you?"

Derek couldn't reply.

"But I'm sure I want to be with you anyway," she half shrugged, then smiled slightly, "I think that's the best we can do."

"Yeah?" He stepped around the island again, this time she let him.

"Yeah," she reached out and slid her hand into his, "Go check on Shep."

"Okay," he squeezed her hand tightly for a moment, then leaned in and kissed her softly on the cheek before releasing her fingertips and walking away. He paused at the archway leading to the hall and looked back at her. She was wiping away tears, but she was smiling. Derek grinner and bound down the hall and up the stairs, "You making out okay Christopher?" he called on his way by Shep's door.

"Yep."

Derek flung the door to his bedroom open. He didn't want to push his luck, but his bed wasn't made, and, he was giving her a choice in the matter, Addison was spending the night. He scrambled around the bed picking up loose socks and boxer shorts, he swept medical journals off the rumpled sheets and kicked the door to his bathroom and dumped everything into the hamper. He grabbed dirt towels off the floor, and swept all the hair products and brushes on the counter into the top drawer of the vanity. He stepped back, surveyed the bathroom, and satisfied turned his attention back to the bedroom.

But something made him look back.

Two toothbrushes.

There were two toothbrushes in the holder beside the sink. He turned back to the bedroom. There was a novel sitting on her side of the bed.

A grin was slowly filling his face as he opened his closet –– not filled with her stuff, but it was a start.

It was a start.

THE END

You have to review the last chapter. Even if you haven't reviewed the rest of the fic you have to review the last chapter. That's the rule. If you don't review the last chapter how can I start my next project?

Review.


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